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It's a good question though isn't it? How long does one bite one's lip? How far do people have to go before we say something? I know that answer is that it's for each one of us to decide for ourselves but I'd be interested to know when other people hit breaking point and say - the crassness of that remark deserves a reply.
I would say that when they're so far in your face that you can see their fillings... go for it.
I have found, for myself though (through personal experience) that occasionally a measured silent response allows them to dig their own hole...
I was being confronted on an issue, back in the UK, by someone whom I can only kindly refer to as a somewhat ignorant she-dog....(!) and she was ranting and raving, and stating her piece fairly loudly, across the table (it was a Feng Shui workshop I was running, about half an hour before breaking for lunch....) All morning, everything I had tried to explain, she counter-manded and disputed... every suggestion I made, she dismissed and ridiculed... don't ask me how (I said don't ask me how!) but I kept my cool and tried to reply to her objections and contradictions... But this final rant was beyond the pale. When she'd finally ranted herself out, and the room fell silent, I swear, every face turned from hers to mine, to see the drop-volley or Ace smash. I just timed it for a second, then almost imperceptibly shook my head once or twice, then just carried on where I'd left off.
She didn't say another word.
After lunch, her chair stayed empty.......
Everyone was very glad she'd left. I never heard from her again, not even to demand a refund from me....
Now admittedly, not being as far down the road with Buddhism as I am now, I will confess to having felt self-righteous and justified... so I know my actions may have been 'skillful', but my Intention wasn't.... But it did feel good....!!
So if ever you give someone the 'silent treatment', examine your motives - !!
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
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-Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
I would say that when they're so far in your face that you can see their fillings... go for it.
I have found, for myself though (through personal experience) that occasionally a measured silent response allows them to dig their own hole...
I was being confronted on an issue, back in the UK, by someone whom I can only kindly refer to as a somewhat ignorant she-dog....(!) and she was ranting and raving, and stating her piece fairly loudly, across the table (it was a Feng Shui workshop I was running, about half an hour before breaking for lunch....) All morning, everything I had tried to explain, she counter-manded and disputed... every suggestion I made, she dismissed and ridiculed... don't ask me how (I said don't ask me how!) but I kept my cool and tried to reply to her objections and contradictions... But this final rant was beyond the pale. When she'd finally ranted herself out, and the room fell silent, I swear, every face turned from hers to mine, to see the drop-volley or Ace smash. I just timed it for a second, then almost imperceptibly shook my head once or twice, then just carried on where I'd left off.
She didn't say another word.
After lunch, her chair stayed empty.......
Everyone was very glad she'd left. I never heard from her again, not even to demand a refund from me....
Now admittedly, not being as far down the road with Buddhism as I am now, I will confess to having felt self-righteous and justified... so I know my actions may have been 'skillful', but my Intention wasn't.... But it did feel good....!!
So if ever you give someone the 'silent treatment', examine your motives - !!
Brilliant.
Along the same lines, if I may...
"Renunciation means letting Go of Holding Back".
And I'm afraid I don't know the original source but it wasn't me.