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beginning in a new monastery
i recently joined a temple and go every Sunday. I have been honored with transmission by Rinpoche and i will have "initiation" next Sunday. Can you explain on what transmission is and also i have difficulty with someone who appears to take care of the three Tibetan monks in the monastery. She is a bully-it is obvious-embarrasses everyone and does not seem to like me. I have tried my best to be quiet, sit still with my little I, leave ego out of it, try compassion and befriending her. She is making the day very difficult and i want to handle it the right way for my own spirituality. i need some guidance. i am willing to work through this if this is what i need to do. i have practiced Buddhism alone for many, many years and now this is such a challenge for me. There are maybe 7 or 8 of us altogether-very small group. Please guide me if anyone knows how i need to handle this. I don't believe people should be humiliated or suffer, however i don't understand why people are not speaking up. i know they notice because things have been said indirectly. This mind of mine feels confused about this issue. please help. many thanks and blessings to us all.
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just because this lady looks after the monks, this does not mean she is a buddha or enlightened. she may look after the monks because she has some mental disturbances and the monks allow her to look after them because they have compassion for her & they believe this can help her
therefore, try to develop similar compassion. please have equinimity & loving-kindness in respect to this lady. focus on yourself and your goals
you have done nothing "wrong" so when this lady is emotional around you, just observe her, with a restrained (but ready/open) heart
with kindness
DD
'Transmission' means passing on teachings.
As for the woman you mention,sometimes these situations arise at centres. When some people are given a little responsiblity they seem to get power crazy.
However she is providing you with a good opportunity for practice!
I can remember a similar situation with a senior nun who bullied everyone at a centre I used to go to years ago. Eventually I stopped going there for a variety of reasons.
I hope the situation improves for you.
with kind wishes,
D.
It's a good metaphor as far as it goes -- very cozy and home-boy and to a certain extent true.
But how those potatoes rub together is another matter. There is no organization, Buddhist or otherwise, in which someone will not assume a self-serving role. "Self" is what got us all involved in Buddhism in the first place.
Just because your gathering is small and just because you may wish for harmony does not mean you are not free to be the potato you are. You don't have to be too direct about it ("Who died and left you in charge?"), but I think you can be direct: "I'm sorry. Have I done something to offend you? I am confused and hurt by the way you act. Can you give me some guidance in how disdaining or demeaning others is a part of Buddhist practice?" And if she uses the "compassion" cloak (I'm doing it for your own good), you are free to say what your reaction is ... "Instead of teaching me anything useful, all I am learning is to be defensive. Is Buddhism a matter of being defensive?" State your own point of view clearly and quietly. Buddhism does not require an abject silence. It does not require you to know of imagine the state of mind of another individual. It does require you to be honest and the only way to be honest in such a situation is to address the actions you can see, hear and feel.
As a friend of mine once pointed out, "If a man punches you in the stomach, you don't ask if he lives in a rat-infested apartment." Every potato in the burlap sack contributes to the cleaning process. You, as another fine potato, have a productive role to play as well.