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why are some people so closed-minded

Amity_JordanAmity_Jordan
edited July 2011 in Buddhism Basics
I told my family & friends that i have converted from Christianity to Buddhism, & their response was mainly "don't be stupid" or assuming it's "just a phase" then my father went on to try telling me untrue facts about Buddhism, what could i do to make them see i am serious about this?

Comments

  • tmottestmottes Veteran
    Stick with it and not let their ignorance prevent you from exploring what you want/need.
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    Ignore them, and just go about your business. 5 years from now, they'll see you're serious. Not that that'll make any difference in their attitude.
  • zen_worldzen_world Veteran
    My parents are muslim so I know what you mean!
    But then I realize they are not close minded, I am close minded...Understanding this fact would help me tremendously...
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    Wow, a Zen Buddhist in a Muslim family! My experience is that Muslims are curious about Buddhism. But maybe not so much when it's one of their kids who has become one...
  • zen_worldzen_world Veteran
    Wow, a Zen Buddhist in a Muslim family! My experience is that Muslims are curious about Buddhism. But maybe not so much when it's one of their kids who has become one...
    They don't know I am Buddhist:) I avoid bringing this...Talking them about Buddhism won't help...it will create conflict and more suffering for me and for others...
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    fear, anger, jealousy, ignorance. you're forcing them to question their beliefs or you're a living example that contradicts their world view.

    imagine you living a certain way and it helped you cope because you put everything into it.
    and someone comes by and just by their existence your views are being attacked. it's not that the other is attacking them. the self projects because of fear, jealousy, anger, and ignorance.

    fun stuff.
  • VincenziVincenzi Veteran
    wear a japa mala and clear misconceptions...
  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran
    edited July 2011
    In most social circles flaunting one's departure from cultural norms is considered provocative. It seems to me that the responses you got were not at all inappropriate. Perhaps doing something sincerely, quietly, and without trying to make a statement is a better, more spiritual way.

    If it's necessary to take a stand, for the sake of justice or clarity, that's a different story...
  • tammtamm
    I told my family & friends that i have converted from Christianity to Buddhism, & their response was mainly "don't be stupid" or assuming it's "just a phase" then my father went on to try telling me untrue facts about Buddhism, what could i do to make them see i am serious about this?
    I'm in the exact same boat! I converted from Mormonism and man it's been a bumpy road with the in laws since I told them the other day. The "just a phase" thing goes a step further to them as to say that "I'm not going to stay on this path" and it's just a "diversion." They also say that their church is the only true church and there isn't anything in my religion that isn't covered in theirs. Which is far from being true.
    I'm helping them see I'm serious by
    a. dispelling any misconceptions as soon as they arise
    b. setting clear boundaries about what is appropriate/inappropriate as far as telling me about their religious views.
    c. keep practicing! I know it can be hard when people are telling you that you're wrong but dedication can help other people see that you are trying.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    Smile - inwardly, or outwardly - and say nothing.

    The Buddha, in one of his sermons, said nothing but held up a flower.
    One Bikkhuni understood.

    See the flower.
    Understand.

    Leave it at that.
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited July 2011
    Hi Amity,
    I told my family & friends that i have converted from Christianity to Buddhism, & their response was mainly "don't be stupid" or assuming it's "just a phase"
    LOL - That reminds me of when I started to call myself a "Buddhist", my sister said "oh yeah? how long will that last". Actually, after I started practicing Buddhism "seriously" and she saw that her sarcasm wasn't bothering me, she stopped being sarcastic. Now my relationship with her (and most people in my life) is much better thanks to my practice.
    then my father went on to try telling me untrue facts about Buddhism
    If the subject of Buddhism comes up in your conversations, just patiently and kindly point out any misinformation that he may have heard elsewhere and is now repeating. If you find that sometimes it is too irritating (as sometimes it can be with family dynamics) to try to point this out in a patient and kind way, then try to remain silent.
    what could i do to make them see i am serious about this?
    By being a kind, generous, wise, patient, friendly, helpful, honest, trustworthy, reliable, peaceful, happy person over a long period of time (months, years, lifetimes). Sure, we all have our bad moments and our bad days, but if you practice earnestly then over the long-term you should notice a change in your character - others will notice too.

    Kind regards,

    Guy
  • TheswingisyellowTheswingisyellow Trying to be open to existence Samsara Veteran
    Are you being closed minded about their opinions and ideas?
  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran
    I told my family & friends that i have converted from Christianity to Buddhism, & their response was mainly "don't be stupid" or assuming it's "just a phase" then my father went on to try telling me untrue facts about Buddhism, what could i do to make them see i am serious about this?
    "I wonder what I can do to prove to people that I'm not an egoist? It's really important to me to do so right now."

    With wisdom comes the realization that there's nothing to prove. It's all about being true to yourself and to others —not making an ego-project out of it.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I think the last thing the OP needs right now, are lessons in egotism, humility and interaction with family.
    They came here looking for advice on how to handle a specific situation, not a lecture on how to behave.

    Could members please address subject matter of a personal nature with some degree of sensitivity?
    I am presuming the OP is relatively young.
    Maybe deciding on following Buddhism at a far more tender age than some of us did.
    A little humility and egolessness from those who should know better than to preach and patronise, would be welcome.
  • TheswingisyellowTheswingisyellow Trying to be open to existence Samsara Veteran
    edited July 2011
    No assumptions about this persons age or practice were made. Regarding his family and friends as closed minded is just as unskillful as (his perception of) his family and friends opinions and unskillful behavior towards him.
    With metta,
    Todd
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    No assumptions about this persons age or practice were made. Regarding his family and friends as closed minded is just as unskillful as (his perception of) his family and friends opinions and unskillful behavior towards him.
    With metta,
    Todd
    I agree. We don't know a lot about the situation (the OP could have told us more). Assuming this person is younger, how the family reacts may -- to a large extent -- be dependent on how the OP has handled other big life decisions...which, as a kid, may not always be well. And, when young, we often tend to be a little bit "in your face" with such issues. Frankly, since Buddhism is pretty much within us, better to externally "lie low" and not make a big deal of it.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    No assumptions about this persons age or practice were made.
    Yes they were. I for one, made one.
    That's not the issue here.
    Regarding his family and friends as closed minded is just as unskillful as (his perception of) his family and friends opinions and unskillful behavior towards him.
    With metta,
    Todd
    All well and good. But the OP just wants advice on 'how to drain the swamp' and right now, it's unnecessary for anyone to take the moral high ground.



  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited July 2011
    I think in the OPs description its not so much the problem that they are closed minded. They are treating the OP with a lack of respect. I think the thing to do is to ask, "why do you think I am stupid?" and just let them hang themselves. Or "perhaps so" would probably be better. The more you resist them the less pleasant it will be. But at the same time you don't want to act submissive. "perhaps so" allows you to deal with the situation in the present. "perhaps so" is the truth. Perhaps I you he she IS stupid. Perhaps it is a phase. Only time will tell.

    Only have a discussion if you are shown respect. If you aren't its not a reflection on you it is a reflection on them.
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    take the high road, use what you're learning in buddhism. wisdom & compassion!

    unconditional acceptance of everything!
  • VincenziVincenzi Veteran
    edited July 2011
    after my sister became evangelist (or similar), we sometimes argued about religion until we decided not to speak about that topic again... it worked.

    if you have some time, you can find a middle ground in the ecclesiastes and explain (if you agree with it, it is good enough btw) to your family something like: "Buddhism is somewhat similar to the ecclesiastes, I just don't think the other books are wise".

    hint: most christians don't really read their bibbles.
  • DandelionDandelion London Veteran
    Because they are not Buddhists :D
  • Amity_JordanAmity_Jordan
    I think the last thing the OP needs right now, are lessons in egotism, humility and interaction with family.
    They came here looking for advice on how to handle a specific situation, not a lecture on how to behave.

    Could members please address subject matter of a personal nature with some degree of sensitivity?
    I am presuming the OP is relatively young.
    Maybe deciding on following Buddhism at a far more tender age than some of us did.
    A little humility and egolessness from those who should know better than to preach and patronise, would be welcome.
    thanks, basically the only nice answer yet.
    & yes i am young, & to the others yes i'm not trying to make a big thing about it, i had to tell them 'cos i did not want to go church with them no more as i found it hypocritical. & I would not discuss it further with them but every convosation i've had with them recently all they've talked about is this. & I know they will not stop going on about it as when i told them i was Vegan 2 years ago and they are still arguing with me about it, & now everytime i walk in my house my Father is taking the piss out of me & making rude comments about it.

    & my father is not the most reasonable man, so when he wants to argue i cannot simply say nothing as this will annoy him further.
  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited July 2011
    Hi Amity,
    & my father is not the most reasonable man, so when he wants to argue i cannot simply say nothing as this will annoy him further.
    Then any time he says something which you know to be incorrect about Buddhism patiently and kindly explain why it is incorrect.

    Kind regards,

    Guy
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    There is a story that goes like this:

    A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: “inside of me there are two wolves. One of the wolves is evil and mean. The other wolf is good. The mean wolf fights the good wolf all the time.” When asked which wolf wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, “The one I feed the most.”

    Responding with anger and irritation, impatience and judgement, does two things: One, it mars any wisdom and knowledge we have accumulated, and two, it makes us merely a partner within those negative traits.

    The study of Buddhism leads us on the Eightfold Path.
    It's not called a 'path' for nothing, because the most difficult task into Buddhism is indeed, to 'Walk the Talk'. Buddhism can do nothing for us, if we do not stringently strive to apply its lessons to our lives, and live them.

    If you take the Four Noble Truths, The Eightfold Path and the Five Precepts, you will find that they are applicable, no matter what religion one might follow.
    They are also ALL YOU WILL EVER NEED.
    Virtue, wisdom and Love live within those 17 lessons. They are held fast, but find release within our hearts and minds.
    Study just these, and you will accomplish all you ever need.

    Peace, humility and kindness are virtues which can, do and will conquer all and every adverse condition.

    Finally, remember this:

    "If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are." -- Zen proverb
  • Still_WatersStill_Waters
    There is a story that goes like this:

    A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: “inside of me there are two wolves. One of the wolves is evil and mean. The other wolf is good. The mean wolf fights the good wolf all the time.” When asked which wolf wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, “The one I feed the most.”
    I love this story. It just goes to show that dharma can be found anywhere, not just in Buddhist scriptures. Along those same lines, I would like to suggest to Amity_Jordan that attending church as a Buddhist doesn't have to be hypocritical. Another perspective is possible. All religions offer their share of wisdom and worthy spiritual teachings. I don't see any problem with a Buddhist attending a Christian church with a respectful attitude to honor those spiritual truths that Christianity holds in common with Buddhism. For more on this, I'd like to recommend the book "Living Buddha, Living Christ" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

    @Amity_Jordan, I would also like to offer my sympathy to you for your difficulties with your father. Unfortunately, there may be nothing you can do in your situation other than to do your best to be a model of kindness, respect, forbearance, and patience. Or as a certain Christian admonition has it, "Ask not for a lighter load, but for broader shoulders." Good luck and best wishes for both you and your family.

    Alan
  • KarmaDondrupTashiKarmaDondrupTashi
    federica _/\_
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran


    Then any time he says something which you know to be incorrect about Buddhism patiently and kindly explain why it is incorrect.

    Guy
    People who are anti-Buddhist (or anti-any other religion) are unlikely to accept corrections from someone they clearly don't think has the capacity to make good judgments. You are probably just setting her up for more tension.

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    I don't see any problem with a Buddhist attending a Christian church with a respectful attitude to honor those spiritual truths that Christianity holds in common with Buddhism. For more on this, I'd like to recommend the book "Living Buddha, Living Christ" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

    @Amity_Jordan, I would also like to offer my sympathy to you for your difficulties with your father. Unfortunately, there may be nothing you can do in your situation other than to do your best to be a model of kindness, respect, forbearance, and patience. Or as a certain Christian admonition has it, "Ask not for a lighter load, but for broader shoulders." Good luck and best wishes for both you and your family.

    The best advice in the thread!!!!!

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