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Intellectual understanding vs emotional truama
I've been a (sort of)student of the Eastern Ways for 20 yrs. Always enjoyed thinking about the concepts, and always felt I understood quite well.I have always known that suffering and loss would come to me. I knew I would feel great pain. However, my ego has taken a serious kicking through a recent split with my wife of 10 yrs. I'm losing SO MUCH! My home, my closest friend, my job (I work from home as a music teacher), my cats (unless I take them with me into a world of poverty and uncertainty), and it seems, my pride. I've stabled-up recently through mental discipline and positive thinking, but I feel i could easily lose my mind. I've had suicidal thoughts forcing they're way in (they somehow bring me comfort) although in the long run i know they will destroy me. How do I get my head straight to deal with these pressing material and emotional issues?
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imagine yourself as an empty room.
you've been accumulating furniture and stuff to decorate your room.
at times your rearrange your room.
some times you clean it and sometimes you make it dirty.
realize that the room was always empty and it will always be empty.
what you have now is just a gift and it will go away as well.
so learn to appreciate what you have. you have a life, you have all these experiences.
start focusing on other people's problems, thus you don't have to focus on yours.
a person who can never gain or lose is a person who is indestructible.
Is the poverty due to the divorce settlement? I would take a cat because the cat isn't expensive, you don't have to take it to the vet unless you know something is wrong.
That emotion you have is great asset that will wake you up if you use it wisely.
Seriously.
Please try to remember...
You came here to this life with certain issues that you were intent on working on, the karma you came here to resolve and release and heal.
You were born into a family that presented those issues.
Your marriage was a reflection of and a response to those issues.
Your present devastation is a reflection of and a response to those issues, a resurfacing of those issues in your life.
Suicidal thoughts may seem to offer an escape from having to deal with those issues, but if you do not resolve and release those issues that you came here to this life to resolve and release, you will be stuck having to go through this whole sad story yet again from the beginning the next time around. There will be a next time around; through suicide people guarantee themselves that next time around in which they repeat the whole process yet again... from the very beginning. Having to start the same sorry process all over again from the beginning with someone new is the antithesis of an escape!
Try to remember who you were before your parents were born.
Try to remember...
You came here to this life with certain talents and gifts that you were intent on manifesting in this world, to help alleviate the suffering of this world.
This suffering world has great need of your talents and gifts;
there is so much good that you can do here in this life!
It is not your fault when others do not know enough to appreciate you...
for they too struggle in this life to see and appreciate anything at all beyond their own issues and their own wounds in this life...
Their dealings with you are a reflection of and a response to their own issues that they were born into in this life... did you know? Look and see!
Try to remember who you were before your parents were born.
Try to remember...
You were more than this relationship, more than this house, more than this neighborhood, more than this job...
you were a caterpillar who wanted to learn to fly.
You built your cozy chrysallis all around you and it supported your growth...
but eventually even the best chrysallis begins to inhibit one's growth.
It is a painful process to crawl out of one's broken crysallis...
but it is nature's way....
be gentle and slow and kind and patient with yourself, and simply sit in the sunshine and breathe...
breathe and stretch and rest...
and eventually you will begin to feel the wind...
and the wind will gently begin to lift you...
and you will learn to fly.
It is nature's growth process; nature's way.
No one ever said that this was an easy process,
but you are in a process of becoming more than you now know yourself to be.
Try to remember who you were before your parents were born and you will see it all clearly for yourself.
Try to remember...
You are entering a new stage in your life. It may be hard now, but it may bring a certain new kind of freedom to you as well, who knows. :om:
Besides, its not that you can really loose them, since whatever should happen, you know how the popular song goes:
"Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on"