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Seeking advice in spiritual struggle
Hello.
I'm not truly from a Buddhist background, but I have always held the Buddhist philosophy in great respect. And now, that I am in a spiritual struggle, it is you who I turn to first for advice.
I feel like, one one hand, I reached a higher spirtitual plane. Above good and evil, seeing them as one. Black and white became gray. And a harmony that had been lost was restored, strong and stable, as the light and shadow merged.
But... now I feel empty, too. A lack of drive. A lack of... fight that comes hand in hand with a lack of fright.
If there is no good
If there is no evil...
... I find it very difficult, it seems, to define myself without something to define myself against. I was more sure of who I was when I knew who I wasn't.
I'm not truly from a Buddhist background, but I have always held the Buddhist philosophy in great respect. And now, that I am in a spiritual struggle, it is you who I turn to first for advice.
I feel like, one one hand, I reached a higher spirtitual plane. Above good and evil, seeing them as one. Black and white became gray. And a harmony that had been lost was restored, strong and stable, as the light and shadow merged.
But... now I feel empty, too. A lack of drive. A lack of... fight that comes hand in hand with a lack of fright.
If there is no good
If there is no evil...
... I find it very difficult, it seems, to define myself without something to define myself against. I was more sure of who I was when I knew who I wasn't.
0
Comments
you only exist nominally, thus you can label yourself as whatever you want. infinite potential.
Intellect and emotion point the way. "Philosophically" or "logically" or "spiritually," Buddhism makes a lot of sense, perhaps. "Joy" and "love" and "anguish" and "uncertainty" and "hope" and "belief" suggest a revised way of seeing or being would make some sense, perhaps.
Depending on the day of the week, intellect and emotion can be very inspiring or very depressing or someplace in between.
But relying on intellect or emotion when it comes to spiritual endeavor is like gassing up the car without ever hitting the ignition switch. You've got a full tank and you're not getting anywhere. Anyone can sit around and talk about "Buddhism" or "compassion" or "enlightenment" or "emptiness." Sometimes it even sounds pretty good. This is what we might call Boy Scout Buddhism... racking up merit badges and wondering why things don't get "better."
The strength needed to turn fantasy into reality is frequently found in a meditation practice -- an actual-factual, sit-down-erect-the-spine-shut-up-and-focus-the-mind practice. Such a practice requires patience and courage and doubt. It requires determination and constancy. Nothing happens overnight ... or rather, something does happen but we lack the strength to realize what it is. Day after day, week after week, year after year, and (if you're into that stuff) lifetime after lifetime ... we practice.
No one can tell you what happens. That's just Boy Scout Buddhism. But through your own good efforts, a little at a time, you don't need anyone to tell you because you already know.
What do you know?
I couldn't say.
Best wishes.
I think what you speak of is a very common thing for us Westerners - particularly Americans - to think and feel. We have been indoctrinated with the "us vs. them" mentality, and in every aspect of our culture it seems to be bolstered : Republicans vs. Democrats, liberals vs. conservatives, rural vs. urban, Coke vs. Pepsi, the National League vs. the American League, and on and on.
I think that if you need to have something to "fight against" to define yourself, fight against that notion itself - that you have to have something to fight against. If you would like to challenge yourself, and want to engage in an activity that will surely provide some struggle for you, start practicing meditation. I have found in my practice that my mind - the little voice that constantly babbles about anything and everything - is THE most formidable opponent. And to try to quiet that little voice long enough to hear the silence, that is a challenge to which I still must work very hard to rise to.
I was going to attempt to offer up some great wisdom, then realized I have none. I have only a suggestion : meditate. Really, truly practice mediation. See if that doesn't provide the struggle you seek. Don't focus on who you are, but open yourself up to becoming.
Good luck, and namaste.
Kwan Kev
Your view is pretty common, and understandable. When polar forms dissolve into one, what next? If there is no evil, what do we fight and why bother?
Consider spending time working for the benefit of others. Often our lack of drive can arise when we stop being self centered. We are motivated by self need for years, fighting for good against evil, for our right to be. Then, polarity dissolves and we don't really need to struggle, so what drives the Sheppard in the mirror?
Your arms, legs and mind still work and were strengthened by the struggle you went through... so use the strength to feed the hungry, hug the downtrodden, clothe the naked, read to orphans, call your grandma. Something, anything. Being generous will re-energize your body. Then, when you see how helpful you can be to others, there will be no time or desire to find out what the Sheppard really needs from the mirror. You'll have it.
With warmth,
Matt
Matt,
*scratches head*
I did that, for a very long time. I've been taken advantage of. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of borderline personality disorder, but it's a deadly trap for empaths to get involved with these people, who fake pain, fake suffering, amongst their other charming traits.
I lost a lot of me in a one sided emotional black hole that I couldn't tear myself away from for a decade.
And typing this out now, I see more now, that you're right. I need to see with my own eyes that I can give without merely being taken for a ride into hell.
That would do me a lot of good.
Thank you.
So the orginal thought I had was that I first read about Buddhism it sounded like the monks or practitioners would end up all the same, a kind of mind control mob of humans who had no individual persnality. I mean how could you have an individual strong personality if you realize you are not better than dirt and are connected to everything else, right? Well then I read about how monks tended to be more interesting individuals in many cases, they had specific interests and talents and used them creativily. It was a long time ago so don't quote me on this but it made a huge impact. I started to realize that after moving away from the dualistic thinking that most of us have there was a period of fallowness for lack of a better word. I know that I felt drifting for awhile yet could not go back to the srict dualistic and judgemental thinking that is so common. As that period had been going awhile I saw that I had this huge creativity, this expansiveness in my life that is still possible without attachment. So without the constraints of thinking that a liberal would not do this or a Coloradoan would not do that I just started to respond to what interested me for real and trying it out. I have actually done some interesting things over the years, not to claim any sort of enlightenment but I CAN say that incorporating this awareness and letting it slowly grow over time has made life a lot more fun and pleasant during the journey.
(Don't forget compassion for sheppard as well)