Meditation worries

lyndall

Hi Everyone,
I was just after some advice about meditation,i have only just recently started,i'm using breath meditation at present but sometimes i get a scared feeling some way into the meditation like i have to stop, something in my mind seems to want to jolt me back?,anyone have any thoughts on whats going on with me.On the whole i can get the sense of being at ease and then all of a sudden this happens to me,I am thinking it may have to do with some dark sense of something bad is going to happen to me,i have been told to be carefull of meditating by someone who thinks it is wrong and bad,am i just projecting these subconcious thoughts of maybe they are right thus stopping me from going further into my meditation?.Any help would be great!.

DhammaDhatu

Feeling fear is generally an inevitable part of meditation, especially for a beginner

The deeper meditation occurs, the deeper 'mental aloneness' (viveka) will develop

If our ordinary life is a social life (eg. relationship, family life, etc), then fear may arise in the mind as it enters the mental aloneness of meditation

This fear is generally subconscious, arising to the surface

The meditation method is to be aware of the fear; to abide with the fear

This is not easy but it is also absolutely possible, that is, to not fear fear

It usually takes a few attempts to pass through this phase, until we learn this feeling of fear is just an impermanent mood, which quickly passes

it is most advantagous if we can pass thru this phase because real spiritual freedom (fearlessness) will start to develop if we can pass thru

kind regards

DhammaDhatu

Think on These Things: Loneliness & Aloneness by Jiddu Krishnamurti

IS IT NOT a very strange thing in this world, where there is so much distraction, entertainment, that almost everybody is a spectator and very few are players? Whenever we have a little free time, most of us seek some form of amusement. We pick up a serious book, a novel, or a magazine. If we are in America we turn on the radio or the television, or we indulge in incessant talk. There is a constant demand to be amused, to be entertained, to be taken away from ourselves. We are afraid to be alone, afraid to be without a companion, without a distraction of some sort. Very few of us ever walk in the fields and the woods, not talking or singing songs, but just walking quietly and observing things about us and within ourselves. We almost never do that because, you see, most of us are very bored; we are caught in a dull routine of learning or teaching, of household duties or a job, and so in our free time we want to be amused, either lightly or seriously. We read, or go to the cinema - or we turn to a religion, which is the same thing. Religion too has become a form of distraction, a kind of serious escape from boredom, from routine.

I don't know if you have noticed all this. Most people are constantly occupied with something - with puja, with the repetition of certain words, with worrying over this or that - because they are frightened to be alone with themselves. You try being alone, without any form of distraction, and you will see how quickly you want to get away from yourself and forget what you are. That is why this enormous structure of professional amusement, of automated distraction, is so prominent a part of what we call civilization. If you observe you will see that people the world over are becoming more and more distracted, increasingly sophisticated and worldly. The multiplication of pleasures, the innumerable books that are being published, the newspaper pages filled with sporting events - surely, all these indicate that we constantly want to be amused. Because we are inwardly empty, dull, mediocre, we use our relationships and our social reforms as a means of escaping from ourselves. I wonder if you have noticed how lonely most people are? And to escape from loneliness we run to temples, churches, or mosques, we dress up and attend social functions, we watch television, listen to the radio, read, and so on.

Do you know what loneliness means? Some of you may be unfamiliar with that word, but you know the feeling very well. You try going out for a walk alone, or being without a book, without someone to talk to, and you will see how quickly you get bored. You know that feeling well enough, but you don't know why you get bored, you have never inquired into it. If you inquire a little into boredom you will find that the cause of it is loneliness. It is in order to escape from loneliness that we want to be together, we want to be entertained, to have distractions of every kind: gurus, religious ceremonies, prayers, or the latest novels. Being inwardly lonely we become mere spectators in life; and we can be the players only when we understand loneliness and go beyond it.

After all, most people marry ad seek other social relationships because they don't know how to live alone. Not that one must live alone; but, if you marry because you want to be loved, or if you are bored and use your job as a means of forgetting yourself, then you will find that your whole life is nothing but an endless search for distractions. Very few go beyond this extraordinary fear of loneliness; but one must go beyond it, because beyond it lies the real treasure.

You know, there is a vast difference between loneliness and aloneness. Some of the younger students may still be unaware of loneliness, but the older people know it: the feeling of being utterly cut off, of suddenly being afraid without apparent cause. The mind knows this fear when for a moment it realizes that it can rely on nothing, that no distraction can take away the sense of self-enclosing emptiness. That is loneliness. But aloneness is something entirely different; it is a state of freedom which comes into being when you have gone through loneliness and understand it. In that state of aloneness you don't rely on anyone psychologically because you are no longer seeking pleasure, comfort, gratification. It is only then that the mind is completely alone, and only such a mind is creative.

All this is part of education: to face the ache of loneliness, that extraordinary feeling of emptiness which all of us know, and not be frightened when it comes; not to turn on the radio, lose oneself in work, or run to the cinema, but to look at it, go into it, understand it. There is no human being who has not felt or will not feel that quivering anxiety. It is because we try to run away from it through every form of distraction and gratification - through sex, through God, through work, through drink, through writing poems or repeating certain words which we have learnt by heart - that we never understand that anxiety when it comes upon us.

So, when the pain of loneliness comes upon you, confront it, look at it without any thought of running away. If you run away you will never understand it, and it will always be there waiting for you around the corner. Whereas, if you can understand loneliness and go beyond it, then you will find there is no need to escape, no urge to be gratified or entertained, for your mind will know a richness that is incorruptible and cannot be destroyed.

http://www.jiddu-krishnamurti.net/en/think-on-these-things/1963-00-00-jiddu-krishnamurti-think-on-these-things-chapter-23

andyrobyn

Hi DD, reading you posts reminds me of one of the quotes which inspires and encourages me .... ( hope I get it correct ! )

When one loses the deep intimate relationship with nature, then temples, mosques and churches become important.
Jiddu Krishnamurti

Gui

A method I've learned when this happens to me during meditation is to imagine these feelings and thoughts are like waves in the ocean. They come and they go. They come and they go. It interrupts focus on breathing if I take time when they arise to contemplate. As DD says, fear is an impermanent mood. So I let them come and go and don't spend time with them. Breathe in breathe out. All is well.

genkaku

@lyndall -- Fear and balking is par for the course. Perhaps its a little like an overconfident surfer who welcomes the hurricane because the waves will be 'rad!' And sure enough, the waves are spectacular ... frighteningly spectacular.

Spiritual endeavor can be inviting and wonderful in books and lectures. Teachers may look deliciously serene. The heart may swell with I'd-like-to-be-like-that.

And then the rubber hits the road: We put into practice in our lives what has been only hope and belief on our tongues. At first, everything may be OK ... a little bliss, a little peace, a little serenity, and a new-found smile on our faces. But if we keep up a determined and constant practice, it becomes clear that spiritual endeavor is no game for sissies. It is hard. It is threatening. It digs deep and it takes no prisoners. My whole way of life, from beginning to end, is at risk and all the sweet talk in the world can't allay the fear.

OK. It's par for the course.

My view is not to deny such fears. Don't pretend you're not afraid when you're afraid. Don't pretend someone else's wisdom can fix things. Just as no one else can be afraid for you, so no one else can allay your fears. But as a means of addressing and perhaps overcoming your fears, simply keep up a constant practice. Go forward gently but firmly. Yes, I am afraid, but it's 6:30, the time I promised to do 20 or 30 minutes of meditation. I will keep my promises or, alternatively, I will take responsibility for not keeping my promises. Gently but firmly just keep your promises and see what actually happens.

Best wishes.

andyrobyn

30 minutes of meditation only ever occurs one minute at a time .... the times when I struggle are the times when in hindsight ( sometimes years later ) I can see that I was at a fork in the road - or maybe not, I just see, looking back that I was struggling and hope I never will struggle like that again and am grateful it is not always that difficult. I can relate to the aloneness which DD speaks of above and through meditation and over time this has changed ... through keeping one with promises I made to myself, even when I doubted their validity ... and now I am comfortable in my own skin and feel a part of the human race.

lyndall

Thanks everyone for your comments extremely helpfull!.

MamaLotus

@lyndall -- My view is not to deny such fears. Don't pretend you're not afraid when you're afraid. Don't pretend someone else's wisdom can fix things. Just as no one else can be afraid for you, so no one else can allay your fears. But as a means of addressing and perhaps overcoming your fears, simply keep up a constant practice. Go forward gently but firmly. Yes, I am afraid, but it's 6:30, the time I promised to do 20 or 30 minutes of meditation. I will keep my promises or, alternatively, I will take responsibility for not keeping my promises. Gently but firmly just keep your promises and see what actually happens.

Great advice, genkaku! Good luck to you, lyndall!

lyndall

Thanks Mamalotus,will try!.

buddhajunkie

Before you start your regular meditation, you should do some loving-kindness meditation. It should include something like this:

"Just as everyone wants to be safe, I want to be safe. May I be safe, may my friends be safe, may strangers be safe, may problematic people in my life be safe, may everyone be safe."

lyndall

Thanks buddhajunkie,will do.