Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
The World's Lousiest Man
ajani_mgo
Veteran
Can the world's worst man say this?
"I am lousy. I am happily lousy."
P.S. This man sucks physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially and psychologically. He is one tactless idiotic moron who does nothing but make people sadder. Nobody likes this dammed loser at all and his friends don't understand how he feels. Majority of the world thinks this guy is weird and boring. This guy engages in things like politics, philosophy, human rights, quantum physics and all the blabber teens don't even give a dammed shit about. He hates being pretentious, has a true dedication to make people like him, but wish to do so without putting on a mask and dammit, he so much doesn't want to live if he had a better excuse to not live. He tries to be "normal" and talks like a true teen for once, but most of the time people either don't wanna be seen near him, or somehow or other this moron would mindlessly change the subject to something that sounds like shit they'd never care about to them.
Everyone close to this guy tells this moron its a perception problem. This guy has had been depressed over it once and changed his dammed-ass perception of the way he looks at things. Now he looks only at facts.
Fact: He sucks.
Fact: He's weird.
Fact: He makes people sadder just by the mere sight.
Fact: In Lower Secondary he was called a RETARD, in Upper Sec he's a WEIRDO.
Fact: His best friend would rather prefer the RETARDED him, materialistic, uncaring, but at least NORMAL him, than this WEIRDO who is immaterialistic, compassionate, but a dammed F**ked-up fool who sucks at everything he does - even the simple collection of classwork!
Perception: This guy needs a psychologist. (Crap all of you - this guy would absolutely not have a perception problem! His weird character emphasizes on LOGIC not FEELING. He's read the Art of Happiness from back to back and did alot of other things to cut every bastardly deed he's ever done from being clouded by perception. One thing is clear, this guy is NOT HAVING a perspective problem at all! If perception was the root of all problems, then would we not see the whole world becoming psychologists and psychatrists instead of speech therapists, image consultants and jobs like this?
This worthless idiot today suffers from low-esteem, but he will refuse to let it develope into depression (cause' it can't, it's not a perspective-based problem) and over-sensitivity. Even the mere fact that he did not receive a smile from the girl he likes while walking down a corridor yesterday tells this bloody crackpot old fool that something is dammed wrong. (Although sensitivity is something that this guy can manage for now - being so dammed logic-based). Yet this bloody logical way of looking at things get him into such ultimate WEIRDNESS! This fool is too logical! This fool is incapable of inducing feeling! He tries to make someone happier, he very excellently instead makes someone feel crappier!
This bastard has lost his sense of humour totally and is having an identity crisis. He is weird, most insist. He is not weird, others say! Reading a book and appearing "tame" is what makes him attractive, a girl says. But his friends say that's what makes him weird! This stupid fellow has no idea what to do now, and is simply waiting for his turning point to come. But when? He doesn't know.
THis dammed bastard is actually so dumb that he can use the wrong pronoun for times to describe himself. THis dammed bastard, I say, is me, MYSELF!
"I am lousy. I am happily lousy."
P.S. This man sucks physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially and psychologically. He is one tactless idiotic moron who does nothing but make people sadder. Nobody likes this dammed loser at all and his friends don't understand how he feels. Majority of the world thinks this guy is weird and boring. This guy engages in things like politics, philosophy, human rights, quantum physics and all the blabber teens don't even give a dammed shit about. He hates being pretentious, has a true dedication to make people like him, but wish to do so without putting on a mask and dammit, he so much doesn't want to live if he had a better excuse to not live. He tries to be "normal" and talks like a true teen for once, but most of the time people either don't wanna be seen near him, or somehow or other this moron would mindlessly change the subject to something that sounds like shit they'd never care about to them.
Everyone close to this guy tells this moron its a perception problem. This guy has had been depressed over it once and changed his dammed-ass perception of the way he looks at things. Now he looks only at facts.
Fact: He sucks.
Fact: He's weird.
Fact: He makes people sadder just by the mere sight.
Fact: In Lower Secondary he was called a RETARD, in Upper Sec he's a WEIRDO.
Fact: His best friend would rather prefer the RETARDED him, materialistic, uncaring, but at least NORMAL him, than this WEIRDO who is immaterialistic, compassionate, but a dammed F**ked-up fool who sucks at everything he does - even the simple collection of classwork!
Perception: This guy needs a psychologist. (Crap all of you - this guy would absolutely not have a perception problem! His weird character emphasizes on LOGIC not FEELING. He's read the Art of Happiness from back to back and did alot of other things to cut every bastardly deed he's ever done from being clouded by perception. One thing is clear, this guy is NOT HAVING a perspective problem at all! If perception was the root of all problems, then would we not see the whole world becoming psychologists and psychatrists instead of speech therapists, image consultants and jobs like this?
This worthless idiot today suffers from low-esteem, but he will refuse to let it develope into depression (cause' it can't, it's not a perspective-based problem) and over-sensitivity. Even the mere fact that he did not receive a smile from the girl he likes while walking down a corridor yesterday tells this bloody crackpot old fool that something is dammed wrong. (Although sensitivity is something that this guy can manage for now - being so dammed logic-based). Yet this bloody logical way of looking at things get him into such ultimate WEIRDNESS! This fool is too logical! This fool is incapable of inducing feeling! He tries to make someone happier, he very excellently instead makes someone feel crappier!
This bastard has lost his sense of humour totally and is having an identity crisis. He is weird, most insist. He is not weird, others say! Reading a book and appearing "tame" is what makes him attractive, a girl says. But his friends say that's what makes him weird! This stupid fellow has no idea what to do now, and is simply waiting for his turning point to come. But when? He doesn't know.
THis dammed bastard is actually so dumb that he can use the wrong pronoun for times to describe himself. THis dammed bastard, I say, is me, MYSELF!
0
Comments
You're not weird, you're not fitting in because you're more intelligent than your peers.
Give me 3 minutes and I'll be back, O.K?
LOVE,
Brigid
The truth is that you're more intelligent than your peers and you know it. You're being torn in many different directions because you feel directionless inside. You have all their voices ringing in your head, saying the things they say to you, putting labels on you so they can make sense of you. And you fell like you have no idea who the true you is.
I'll continue...
Well, intelligence is useful but if it is not tempered with wisdom, compassion and sensitivity it can be harmful. I struggle with my intellect as I practice the Dharma. It's a liability at times and needs to be abandoned when I'm seeking true understanding of myself, others and the universe.
As you said, some people say that you are weird but more importantly others say you're not.
You really don't need to change anything about yourself and whenever you want to vent your frustration you can do it here.
TRUTHFULLY.
MUST TYPE FASTER !!
Every intelligent man who has done great things for this world had trouble just like yours when he was in school.
The biggest thing that is causing your suffering is the fact that you're OVER THINKING and OVER ANALYSING. You're listening to others telling you what you're identity is or should be when you should be listening only to yourself. You should be listening to your heart and your mind.
You must stop caring what your peers are saying and you must stop caring what they think about you. They have no idea who you are. None whatsoever. They are seeing and judging you through their own individual filters. They are not seeing the real you. Only YOU can see the real you.
But you can't do that with all the buzzing distraction of the empty and meaningless words of your peers. You must not take their words seriously. They are as confused as you are yourself. They are consumed with worry about what others think of them. Do you see? They have no idea who you are. They don't even know who THEY are. Do you understand? Stop taking their words seriously. Find a way not to care what others think and get on with your life.
"This guy engages in things like politics, philosophy, human rights, quantum physics and all the blabber teens don't even give a dammed shit about. He hates being pretentious, has a true dedication to make people like him, but wish to do so without putting on a mask and dammit, he so much doesn't want to live if he had a better excuse to not live."
There is NO other option not to live. None. And you know that full well.
All the things you describe above that you're into tell me something very important about you; you have a loving heart and mind, an intelligent brain and fantastic instincts. You should be listening to YOURSELF. Trust your own instincts. You must not become distracted by useless, false judgments of who you are as a man.
These people seem like the most important people in the world right now. They're not. You won't even know most or any of them in 4 years from now. Their opinions don't matter. Their opinions won't last. You will go on, your life will change dramatically. You'll find people who are more like yourself, who have hearts and minds like yourself, who don't care about cars or watches or how much money your parents have or how much you know about the latest things. Or any materialistic things. They'll care about the world and its beings just like you do. All you have to do is hold on. It's just around the corner. You're not going to be stuck where you are now for much longer. It'll feel like it went by in the blink of an eye and you'll find yourself surrounded with friends who are as caring, loving, intelligent, sensitive and as socially inept as you were 4 years ago. Can you see it? Just try to imagine yourself in 4 years from now. Everything will change for the better. You're going through one of the hardest times of your life and it will PASS. I promise you it will pass and you'll wonder what you got so fired up about in the first place.
WE love you, Ajani. WE appreciate your loving heart and intelligence. WE love you just the way you are. To US you're perfect. Do you understand? That's who you really are.
You are a loving, perfect, wondrous, highly intelligent and precious being and we ALL can see that quite clearly. Hold on, Ajani, and it will pass and you will come to a life of joy and peace within yourself that you can't even imagine. It's just around the corner. You have your whole life to look forward to. And we're here with you knowing that you are a bright, shining light in this world.
Love,
Brigid.
P.S. Check your PMs.
But that's not all you are, is it?
yeah, i feel that. But there's a lot of of normal, well-liked people out there that can't get a grip on life because they chopped their arms off.
And without your arms you won't be able to hold and comfort others who will need you. You will learn and grow and become wise and you will heal. You will get through this hell, I promise you. And your light will shine even brighter. Can you hold on? Tell me the truth or PM or email me.
Love, Brigid
AJANI, My sweet dear,
We CAN'T live out a good life caring only about ourselves. That's impossible. Selfishness is what will cause our suffering. Caring for others, and their well being regardless of what they can give to us is the only way to live out a good life.
Love Brigid
That's not true. That's an illusion, your brain playing tricks on you. Everyone is walking around worrying about THEMSELVES, not you. You're walking around worrying about how you come across. Stop worrying. Stop caring. Start caring about the suffering of other people. Start helping those who don't have a voice in the world. Put you're energy into helping others in any constructive way you can. Work on human rights. Help the poor. Love the ugly and ignored. Care about those that nobody else cares about. Forget the people at school. Join groups who are making a difference in the world. Work on world hunger. Work on the eradication of AIDS/HIV. Live each day with loving kindness and compassion in your heart for all, without discrimination. Work for fairness and justice. Give your light to the world. Seek to love more than you seek to be loved. And your suffering will stop.
Love, Brigid.
I can feel the "weirdo" neuron being weakened from its present connection! From today the "polymath" neuron strengthens again!
We love you.
Love, Brigid.
Well, I'm rooting for your "polymath" neuron ! :up:
Seriously though, don't let the buggers get you down and let us know how you're getting on.
Best wishes,
Adrian
I've said it before and I'll say it again...
Going through you middle teen years is going to be the most difficult time of your life. I remember my teens - I had friends (which I believe you do too!) but I remember dealing with enormous amounts of rage. Rage from things that had happened in my earlier life - rage with what was happening in my current life.
The hardest thing you're going to have to go through at this time in your life is: becoming comfortable with who you are - and it will come. You'll come to find friends who are then comfortable with who you are too. Just relax. Don't try to force yourself onto others. When you try to make people like you or try to fit it - it's not the real you that is doing this. It's a "thing" you're doing to fit in - which isn't the real you.
I'm weird and I like ya.
-bf
People are full of ignorance. You cannot get too upest over what they do, say, or think. They have just as many defilements and unhappiness as you. But, with their blindfold of avijja on, they do, say, and think in more unskillful ways. They will be mean, rude, selfish, and cause unimmaginable harm throughout their entire lives. The sad, honest truth of the matter is that they just don't know any better. Sometimes, you just have to realize that the majority of the world is like this. The Buddha himself said that only a handful of people had just a little dust in their eyes. That means that there are fewer people who can see and understand the Dhamma than there are people who can't see and understand the Dhamma. That means that you are one of those luck few to have had the conditions ripe for even hearing the Dhamma. So, naturally, very few people will understand you.
This does not mean anything negative about you at all Ajani. What it does mean, however, is that your life will be hard at times. It means that you will be kinder, more compassionate, and more sensitive to these things. The only downside is that it will also cause you more stress unless you find more skillful ways of dealing with it. You must learn how to use it so that true wisdom arises. You must open yourself up to seeing the Four Noble Truths in all things. Right now, you are cultivating a very negative sakkaya-ditthi (self-identity view). This is just one of the many internal problems a human being must confront in their lives. It doesn't mean that you are weird, stupid, or alone in the world--it means that you are just like everyone else.
I am certainly no different. Just ask Brian. I was no one special in school. I didn't have very many friends, I never fit in, and I never felt good about myself. It took me many more years afterwards before I could start to see the real problems that were inside of myself, not how I looked, talked, or the amount of friends that I had. I cannot offer you any real advice because this is something that you must discover for yourself. No matter what anybody else says, it is what you are thinking and making out of those words that you will 'hear'. Even if I were to say that you were the funniest and brightest fifteen year old I'd ever known, you would still not understand. You would still be unhappy. You must find your refuge Ajani. Find somewhere that you can be safe. Study and practice the Dhamma, and you will definitely begin to understand.
Love,
Jason
That was absolutely beautiful.
Ajani, listen to Elohim. That's good advice.
The last thing I would say is: don't ignore everyone except for your friends. I don't think that will breed anything good within you.
Just become comfortable with yourself and what you are. Don't worry about what others say to you. We all have issues otherwise, we'd all be Enlightened.
Let the remarks roll off of you - and enjoy life, living and your friends.
-bf
Jason,
In case no one gave you a quarter for the Clue Bus, it seems Brian still doesn't think much more of you than being a homeless weirdo, my friend.
-bf
...
Oh, uh...
...
Jason
See? You're not alone!
Jason
Merci beaucoup. Je suis tres bien.
Jason
As-tu passé un bon séjour avec ton ami et sa famille?
Oui, il va tres bien.
Jason
15 is horrible - I have an amazing memory and I can remember it very clearly. I wouldn't go with the crowd, couldn't afford the stuff they were raving about, so did my own thing and made my own style. So they called me weird and all kinds of other hurtful names.
It was only years down the line that one of my tormentors and I got talking as grown ups and I realised they'd all been scared stiff to stand out. Terrified not to be like everyone else and I made them feel very uncomfortable about themselves. By refusing to follow them, I made them question why THEY were following the latest trend.
As this girl pointed out to me - didn't you realise? When we were all wearing green, you turned up in black, next week everyone was wearing black. You laughed at our frilly skirts and wore dungarees, so next week everyone was wearing dungarees, so you wore something else. We were following you in the end.
It is rotten that when we are at our worst turmoil emotionally, hormonally and physically, our peers seem to be at their worst too - but remember, they are going through the same. Be a big guy, feel sorry for them - you have the emotional maturity to come on here and talk about it - how many of them are so blessed? Chin up darlin' - this too will pass! :winkc:
But other than these I have already resolved, I still have four major problems:
-Oversensitivity to Others' To Me
-Insensitivity to Others From Me
-Lack of Social Interaction ( most of the time I cannot find anyone to talk to me except a few bored souls - most of the time my friends are too busy with stuff way more important than me anyway, and those who can truly spare some time are not always available physically - and I'm not that selfish to ruin their lovers' chat or something, neither am I so rude to cut into conversations)
-Lousy Social Skills ( I think the above factor quite causes this - encompasses serious tactlessess in conversations)
I simply have a great reluctance to make new friends because few I meet are as supportive as my current friends of my individuality. But I don't mind being a listener most of the time. But this does not apply in textual conversations (SMSes, MSNes) since both parties have to say stuff and I am always the one to make something stupid that would just end the conversation right there, whether I put care into my words or not.
Personally I'd always prefer oral conversations for common chats since there are other factors involved - eye contact, body language, voice tone etc. which I think are better modes of expression than speech itself.
For expression of ideals and more neurally-cooked up stuff I would prefer to put them all into writing, since I lack expressiveness in speech itself, and I would tend to go out of point lesser. A piece of writing can reach many at a time, but eye contact and other non-verbal physical expressions can only serve one at a time.
In conservative Asia though, it is always dangerous to keep eye contact for too long - though that's what I always do irregardless of sex, maritial status or relationship level (and examinations
Anyway I can go on and on about my expression habits - but to cut the long story short - how do I make myself thus more tactful and sociable? Because I don't see anyone coming to talk to me eagerly.
So the question becomes how to make the cat want to approach you.
Well, cats, as a rule, don't like needy, clinging people. Humans are a lot like that, too.
You want to come across like you don't need people. And you can't fake that. People will see right through it. Especially teenagers. So, it has to come from inside and it has to be genuine.
You have to stop thinking about it. You need to get on with your own life and pursue your own interests and stop caring about whether or not you're being accepted socially. It's the people who come across as not caring whether their popular or not who are the popular ones. It has to come from inside.
You WILL be accepted socially one day, I promise you. But the more you care about being accepted, the more it shows and the less people will want to be around you. If you feel you need to be accepted, you will come across as needy. And the more you need it, the more needy you will come across.
You have to just pursue the things you're interested in and put all thoughts of social acceptance out of your mind. Continue to be a warm, polite, caring human being but be more concerned with the activities you pursue than your acceptance by others. Define yourself. Become a whole person by yourself. Don't need others to make you whole or accepted. Fully accept yourself first, knowing that you're already a whole being regardless of how others accept you. You have a right to be here and you're neither any better nor any worse than anyone else.
Once you have confidence in yourself and in the activities you pursue and stop caring about social acceptance, people will come to you.
Love,
Brigid
Teenage years are the worst. Don't let anyone tell you differently. But we all have to go through it. We learn and grow from those experiences. You'll see one day, I promise. I never thought I'd be saying this when I was your age.
I don't have many friends. My guidance counsellor asked me last year if I was happy only having like 4 or 5 friends. I was surprised. I guess that's not a lot where I go to school at.
Anyway...I have learned to cherish what I have with Buddhism. I have friends, a loving family, a home, food everyday, decent health, fairly quiet neighborhood. Now, I could feel bad and complain about not being totally fit, not having a bigger house, not enough friends, not fancy clothes. But these things are unimportant really.
The Dalai Lama tells us that our perspective on our life situation is very important as to how happy we are. It is better to think in terms of saying "I'm glad that I have/am..." rather than thinking in terms of saying "I wish that I had/was..."
The key for me is that I am happy with my life and feel that I have a balance between my social and persomal needs. It might not be what others would want but it works for me.
Since i moved to the UK, I have lost touch with virtually everyone I knew there...
One or two are still around though.
They're the ones who matter. They stand the test of time.