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Lost my way!
Hi
So here it's me just venting a little. Here's my story. Was reading and practicing a lot of Buddhism some half a year ago. Kinnda looked cool and ok. From then on I got back to my old ways of suffering and negative thinking. I really don't have a lot to worry about. Got a job, living with a girlfriend but still feel dead inside and sometimes completely drained from the inside. I also started to notice my health is not ok. I don't think I am depressed yet but on a good way. Sometimes I get this feeling that my relationship can be the cause of it but am not sure if it's all my fault or not. Reading a lot of self help bullshit but kinnda still stuck in the mud. I get this feeling sometimes I am kinnda enjoying my misery and don't want to behappy and lead a boring life. I rather drink, smoke and party etc. If someone has some good advice to share how he got on the right way I would appreciate it. Or maybe I just need a good kick in the ass and slap in the face. Thanks.
So here it's me just venting a little. Here's my story. Was reading and practicing a lot of Buddhism some half a year ago. Kinnda looked cool and ok. From then on I got back to my old ways of suffering and negative thinking. I really don't have a lot to worry about. Got a job, living with a girlfriend but still feel dead inside and sometimes completely drained from the inside. I also started to notice my health is not ok. I don't think I am depressed yet but on a good way. Sometimes I get this feeling that my relationship can be the cause of it but am not sure if it's all my fault or not. Reading a lot of self help bullshit but kinnda still stuck in the mud. I get this feeling sometimes I am kinnda enjoying my misery and don't want to behappy and lead a boring life. I rather drink, smoke and party etc. If someone has some good advice to share how he got on the right way I would appreciate it. Or maybe I just need a good kick in the ass and slap in the face. Thanks.
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Comments
In Buddha , I know I am a pollution , my feeling of love / hate , greedy / kindness , compassion/selfishness is all pollution agaist purity - the Buddha .
I understand that NOTHING is belong to me , not even my body , I cant claim ownership of anything . In Buddha , I know there is no true or false , no right or wrong , no relationship , no self and nothing exist in Buddha - the pure original energy . Therefore I am learning to accept no matter what wrong others do to me is not wrong simply they dont understand their awareness . Ofcause for now , I am still far from being fully awake so still will fight back but .....learning to understand it .
Everyone is deeply -- and I mean deeply -- in love with their worries and concerns. It's nothing unusual or even very special. On the one hand I'd love to be free from my worries and on the other, who would I be without them? So it's a choice: Revel in the goo or find a concrete direction for getting things straightened out about that goo.
An actual-factual, sit-down-erect-the-spine-shut-up-and-focus-the-mind meditation practice is a help. Thinking about it is no help. Doing it is a help. But it takes patience and courage and doubt.
Your life. Your choice.
Best wishes.
With warmth,
Matt