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Did walking away from Buddhism make me closer to Buddhism?
About two years ago, i was 19 and started really delving into philosophy and critical thinking. A course at college introduced me to Buddhism and Zen Buddhism and i got really into it.
For the next year, i considered myself a Buddhist and read heavily works from Buddhism and Zen alike.
After that year, i drifted away from Buddhism. Not because i had a disliking for it, but because i was satisfied with what i had learned. Instead of continuing to learn, i focused on application of what i had learned.
Lately, someone asked me if i was still Buddhist, and i didn't know the answer. I had forgotten about considering myself a Buddhist and just considered my self a person with Buddhist tendencies.
Is this the ultimate goal of Buddhism?
Do I win?
For the next year, i considered myself a Buddhist and read heavily works from Buddhism and Zen alike.
After that year, i drifted away from Buddhism. Not because i had a disliking for it, but because i was satisfied with what i had learned. Instead of continuing to learn, i focused on application of what i had learned.
Lately, someone asked me if i was still Buddhist, and i didn't know the answer. I had forgotten about considering myself a Buddhist and just considered my self a person with Buddhist tendencies.
Is this the ultimate goal of Buddhism?
Do I win?
0
Comments
Interest in Buddhism, like interest in anything else, seems to wax and wane over time. What was oh-so-serious yesterday (color me "Buddhist, for example) recedes in importance today... or perhaps gains even more force. Reading books and ingesting 'wisdom' was on the front burner yesterday and today ... well, today there is a Yankees game! Interests wax and wane like ocean waves.
The "ultimate goal" of Buddhism is similarly subject to waxing and waning. Is it "enlightenment" or "ending all suffering" or "compassion" or "emptiness" or ... well, pick your "ultimate goal?" Honestly, any "ultimate goal" you choose will fall short of Buddhism's "goal," but of course we don't say that to people with goals.:) Goals inspire action and Buddhism is more notable for its action than its theologies.
And one of the best implements in the Buddhist tool box is a determined and constant meditation practice. Meditation builds experience that belief or hope can never match. And that experience teaches that it is one thing to imagine you have 'let go of Buddhism' and quite another to let go of Buddhism.
One thing that is worth remembering in Buddhism is that you cannot make a mistake. Put another way, Buddhism is just a matter of making endless mistakes and endlessly correcting them. "Right" and "wrong" are not so much the point ... the point is, what are you willing enough or determined enough to do about it?
Best wishes.
It's not about winning...
I can perhaps understand what you're seeing in yourself. As a person, you're not identifying as a Buddhist, and perhaps you see that as a good thing because the practice of renouncing self is a primary goal.
The intent of the buddhist path is not just letting go of self labels. The primary goal of buddhist practice is the cultivation of skillful relations with your mind and its environment. People often incorrectly say "yes, abandon the raft, you win! I win!"
However it is not so simplistic, and usually the ones preaching abandonment of the raft have not built it, are too lazy to practice, or use buddhism as a philosophy to underpin ego. We need the raft... we use the 4NT and the 8FP extensivly for a long time to cultivate letting go of mental poison. It is only after we have let go of all the poisons that we set aside the teachings. Said differently, we keep on taking the medicine until we are cured.
People who say "there is no need for medicine, there is no sickness, you are cured here and now, just do it" are mislead.
I'm happy that you found wisdom and joyousness with Buddhism. And, of course, the practice really happens as we brush up against the natural world, not just in reading books. If you're building the raft, sailing the raft, or enlightened... you are in my consideration, a Buddhist. Otherwise, you are just a happy, moral philosophizer. But really, who cares what I think? I sure don't! What do you think?
With warmth,
Matt
I think I'm currently walking around with the raft's materials in my hands.
eh, Maybe part of its build.