how to deal with stress/depression

ringtshe

Hi all,
i am new to his forum, so if any mistake/error do forgive me.
why do i really hate myself...why do all people/family thinks that i am always wrong? i always think good for other but at the end of day i am the loser and always blamed. why do my hardwork always ends in vain?...please advice me...what should i do to make myself strong to come up all such failures?

Yishai

It's usually your ego that gets hurt. "I do well unto others. I deserve to be treated well."

We should be compassionate without expecting anything in return. Find happiness in yourself, not in what others think of you. If you can go to sleep knowing you were good to everyone, then that's worth a million praises.

Try to understand why people act out. Are they suffering and lashing out because of it? Most people take out their bad feelings on others because they can't handle it themselves.

goshiki

@ringshe , perhaps in certain way i think I know how you feel ....last week someone my relatif even named be "stupid fool" after I help him to pay his house rent . Is hurting right , but In buddhism we must aware of our intention . If we do good to others is only we are same as them as their suffering is ours and our joy is thiers . We should not have any other intention so if your intention is clear and you are fully aware of your intention why bother how they think of you . Give love , share love and accept love sincerely and never imagine for others ...be aware of your intention .

SherabDorje

Have you considered discussing this with a well-regarded counselor or therapist?

Cinorjer

Hi all,
i am new to his forum, so if any mistake/error do forgive me.
why do i really hate myself...why do all people/family thinks that i am always wrong? i always think good for other but at the end of day i am the loser and always blamed. why do my hardwork always ends in vain?...please advice me...what should i do to make myself strong to come up all such failures?

First, understand that any advice we give here might be wrong without knowing your situation. Buddhism tells me for a correct response I must see the correct situation. So, take this as a stranger's uninformed opinion.

Statements like "I hate myself" and "I'm always blamed" and "I'm always wrong" usually mean you're on the downside of normal depression because of events in your life. Yes, that's how it feels RIGHT NOW. However, you don't and won't always hate yourself all the time, you're not "always" blamed and not "always" wrong. It just seems that way, because your mind is looking for something to pin your anger and hurt upon. You're beating yourself up trying to live up to other's or your own expectations.

You don't have to make yourself anything. There are times in all our lives when we feel like failures. Sometimes it's because we've actually failed, and sometimes it really is our own fault. We messed up. Learn, try to fix what can be fixed, and move on once you feel better. But sometimes it's just life and people throwing stuff our way that we couldn't deal with as well as we'd like.

So, Buddhism says learn to see the correct situation. When did you start hating yourself? Why do you now consider yourself to be always wrong, or a failure, or weak? Is it something you're really doing, or just something people are telling you? Anyone who tells you that you're always wrong should not be listened to. If you aren't sure, find someone you trust to explain the problem to and listen to them.

Hope this helps.

ringtshe

thank you all for your comments...its really helping me to analysis my situation.

justshea

It is tough to believe with a Western mindset, but never forget, at any given time, you are always being the best person you can be. Let yourself off the hook! As for everyone else and their opinions about you, they are suffering the same as you, you have to let them off the hook too. :screwy:

abhishek_laser

Hi all,
i am new to his forum, so if any mistake/error do forgive me.
why do i really hate myself...why do all people/family thinks that i am always wrong? i always think good for other but at the end of day i am the loser and always blamed. why do my hardwork always ends in vain?...please advice me...what should i do to make myself strong to come up all such failures?

Doesn't matter why you hate yourself, self hatred can be reduced by practicing Loving Kindness Meditation towards yourself regularly.

Well. it's difficult to say whether you are wrong or your family members are wrong. Right and wrong should be decided on the outcome of the result for the long term benefit of yourself or for others.

That is the nature of the world that even if you put hardwork lot of times the hardwork does not reap fruit. According to Buddhism, there is a karmic reason for this,

Meditation is the best way to make yourself strong.

Jeffrey

I like what justshea and many others have said. Remember that hatred is just a conjuration of little bits into a big energy. Its made of nothing really. You just take a bit here and there. If you can recognize it as JUST thinking you can relax and realize you don't have to do anything with the self hatred. Sit with it and notice how amazing the mind is. When you let yourself sit with the hatred you feel a deeper awareness and perspective, or if nothing else you develope courage and forbearance.

You don't have to pretend you know more than you do. Good people will let you off the hook. These people probably drowning in their own problems. Transform your mind and then you will have less problem and you can help them out.