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what is the best technique for being the less affected by life?

yemanjayemanja
edited August 2011 in Buddhism Basics
when we have a big problem a big quarrel with somebody a big disappointment a big loss what are the techniques that you have personaly to go through that and how can the teachings assist us? sometimes our mind is really confused or unhappy or in a bad state how to overcome that? sometimes meditation is not even possible cause we are too much affected what can we do to go back to the surface and reduce the impact of certain things on us even if their dramatic importance is very big? YEMANJA

Comments

  • YishaiYishai Veteran
    I always take a deep breath, say "this too shall pass", expand my awareness for a minute, and smile.

    Not half smile or smirk. Make yourself full out smile. That's a serious mood changer for me.
  • KarmaDondrupTashiKarmaDondrupTashi
    Just look at it. That's all. It's just the display of empty awareness. Clouds in the sky, no clouds in the sky - doesn't matter.
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    yemanja,

    Its best to get into healthy mental habits before surprises, rather than after. Consider taking up some metta practice.



    Good luck!

    Matt
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    sit down. breathe. watch your thoughts and feelings. just be.
  • ShaneKarmaShaneKarma
    Mindfulness.
    as you practise mindfulness the brain will develop these habits and stressful situations will become easier. If you wait until a stressful time in your life arises then it is more difficult
  • KhalilBodhiKhalilBodhi New
    yemanja,

    Its best to get into healthy mental habits before surprises, rather than after. Consider taking up some metta practice.



    Good luck!

    Matt
    Anumodana! Thanks for the video! Sorry to be off topic so I'll shut up now.
  • johnathanjohnathan Canada Veteran
    Let go of your expectations of what you want to happen in the future or what you would have liked to have happened in the past and accept reality moment by moment for what it is today.
  • GuiGui Veteran
    to be affected by life is to be separated from life. there is no good or bad regarding life. of course in a conventional way i would consider getting hit by the cross town bus a bad thing just as i would consider a random smile from a passerby a good thing. focus on the everything helps my perspective. all good words above from others. ...just be
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    Patience.

    Attention, responsibility and...

    Patience.
  • JCDavisJCDavis
    True peace of mind comes with self discipline and inner strength, and these only come about through hard practice. If you want the true answers, you must be serious, and you cannot do it on your own because you are not one of the great masters. You need to find a Zen center and go there and practice seriously and regularly.
  • BhogakapalaBhogakapala
    When faced with interpersonal problems, I try to stop the emotional chain reaction and trace the problem back to its ultimate root. I try to understand why there is a problem, why so-and-so is angry, why I'm reacting the way I am, and to remind myself of the expansive, complex interpersonal reality that is concealed by the compression effect of the anger and anxiety.

    It tends to work pretty well, but it doesn't necessarily lead to an immediate feeling of pleasant relief. Frankly, I think that if you expect to be able to leap from hot anger and anxiety into an immediate sense of relief, you're missing out on something important and potentially exacerbating your own problems. The dharma teachings and various meditation techniques available are not really meant to be used as an anesthetic. You don't go 'beyond' your problems by looking the other direction and imagining a peaceful blue sky. You go 'beyond' your problems by understanding them and yourself. They are knots you are meant to unravel.
  • santhisouksanthisouk Veteran
    When you have been brought to the lowest, and can not go any more lower, all because of life's challenges...This is the perfect opportunity to give Buddhism and meditation a chance, and to give yourself a chance to attain liberation from the bonds of life's drama.

    with metta :)
  • auraaura Veteran
    Focus on present awareness, focus on the moment-by-moment now.

    Yes you had a big quarrel, a big disappointment, a big loss... it's all past, it's all gone, it's all illusion, it's not part of the now. Focus on the moment-by-moment now.

    Or maybe they are wheeling you fast down the halls of the hospital on a gurney whispering to the staff to get your spouse the hell out of here because there is no way that you are going to survive... and you're in severe pain that is very much part of the here and now...
    focus on your breathing
    focus on your present awareness
    focus on your practice
    It can save your life.
    Been there, done that, it can save your life. It did mine.

    Unless you're lying there in critical condition in a pool of your own blood, you've still got quite a lot left to work with in life, and you're actually doing really quite well, with a lot of options and opportunities left to explore, you know.... look up and think about it.
  • zenmystezenmyste Veteran
    Be yourself..
  • zombiegirlzombiegirl beating the drum of the lifeless in a dry wasteland Veteran
    to be honest, i don't strive to be less affected by life. i strive to see clarity in the situations i encounter so that i may better understand.

    for an example, in regards to an argument, this involves trying to see the other person's point of view. sometimes when you do this, you begin to understand where they are coming from. you may realize that you are wrong, or at least, that their point is valid as well. when this happens, your anger may begin to dissipate. and then... you suffer less and you cause less suffering because you can be calm and accepting of the other person's viewpoint.

    imo, meditation helps clarity.
  • yemanjayemanja
    thank you everybody. i never meant really being less affected but how to go through..zombiegirl i have a question for you:the neighbour goats are eating what i am planting since 5 years now he does not want to attach them and i live in a place where there are traditionnaly no fences... how his point can be valid as well ? his goats are esting everybody s crops in the area..the human law of survival is against him..can somebody understand hitler and accept his viewpoint while he is exterminating people in the camps?
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    the only way out is by going straight through.
    embrace life and realize that every moment is meditation.
    you are aware right now.

    everything else is just added, given, projected, information. just see your inherent knowing.
    rest in your inherent beingness. this is not a technique. this is what is happening already.
  • sukhitasukhita
    edited September 2011
    Good topic and interesting responses, thanks. Sometimes, it's helpful to remind yourself that you're a "spectator" and not the "owner" of all the life experiences that arise, endure, and fade away. Don't block any thoughts, emotions, and sensations that arise, but also don't follow them. Be aware of them in the present, and constantly practice to let go of them. There are no quick fixes...
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    edited September 2011
    I often get disappointed at my reaction to some situations; do you guys/gals who're giving advice never 'lose it' and get tetchy and bad tempered?

    I mean, this morning, I got up early, did my morning meditation and within half an hour I had an argument with my wife.

    Sheesh! How did that happen eh?
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    Lots of factors lead to anger. For me i'm usually tired or worn out then i get mad. Or if i think of something from the past and hold a grudge then sometimes anger arises. If i have to poop then anger arises. But ive learned that the energy of anger is the same energy as compassion. When we see clearly we can penetrate anger and see it for what it is. Also anger can be used to help as well. It is a very powerful emotion though, so it is best avoided. The nice thing is thst anger never stays. Like all things it comes and goes. And once we see the suffering it causes then we are happy to let go of it. Though that occurs quite naturslly when we are just being with it.
  • ShutokuShutoku Veteran
    one thing that always helps me, is to look at the stars at night.
    Knowing that mast stars have their own worlds orbiting around them and almost certainly some have life.
    Realizing we are on the "small blue dot" as Carl Sagan described it (look it up on youtube) helps me keep my problems in perspective compared to this vast and ancient universe.
    I also recite the Nembutsu.
  • TheswingisyellowTheswingisyellow Trying to be open to existence Samsara Veteran
    I remember the three marks of existence and then when I am able to I practice Metta if the situation was particularily difficult. Sometimes we can't meditate, sometimes we have to be mad or sad. Sometimes we can't practice. Be patient, let this be as well and just as you return to the breath in meditation after a thought, return to your practice.
    All the best,
    Todd
  • CloudCloud Veteran
    edited September 2011
    Breathe. Remind yourself that life is what we make it and what we make of it. Most of all of our problems and frustrations and mind-made, and as long as we remember that they're only as real as we make them, we'll get through it. Somehow.

    We don't control life, but neither does life control us. It's a give-and-take of interaction. We do the best we can, do the right thing as we see it, and have to find that space of peace within at whatever may come. We can hope for the best, but should not get too attached to those hopes. Life just is. Our experience will be one of pleasure or pain, or peace, and that experience will depend upon our perspective. How we look at life and our place in it, and all that happens, will determine our state of mind when the unexpected occurs.
  • Still_WatersStill_Waters
    Some good advice can be found here:

    http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/equanimity/

    Alan
  • yemanjayemanja
    suppose somebody that does not like you intentionally hurts you , or is very hard or awkful with you, it is hurting, personnaly i cannot avoid to be hurted, no matter how many times i can repeat to myself: oh, everything is just for a while, or look at the stars, or try any technique,it is going to hurt for a while..how to change that pain into something interesting..maybe we have to feel it or use it to feel the part inside that can never be affected..
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