Controlling desires vs. giving in to desires

pain

I've been trying to practice "detachment" from the things I cling to in my life.

Yet, the more I try to repress or control my desires or urges, the more attached I feel.

From reflecting my own life, I feel like it might be better to not worry about detachment and just let myself attach and give in to my urges.

For example, I was addicted to drugs in high school but I eventually got bored of it and stopped by the time I got into college.

However, some people I know who were "good" kids in high school who never did drugs dropped out in college due to too much partying once they had the freedom in college.

I realized that a lot of attachments I have in my life just came and went like a phase. When I was attached to something, I was super addicted and obsessed but my mind eventually let go it.

I have been trying to "practice detachment" but I feel like it's a losing battle. I feel like it's better to let myself become attached and give in to my desires.... allow myself to attach, cling, obsess without trying to control my mind and actions.

What are your thoughts on it?

DhammaDhatu

hello Pain

you are correct

if you give in to your urges, that is attachment. but if you try to do good, that is also attachment

please understand that only on the highest level of practise, does Buddhism instruct letting go of attachment

Buddhist practise is threefold, namely:

(1) avoiding harmful/unhealthy actions
(2) cultivating beneficial/healthy actions
(3) purifying the mind from attachment

i can only sugggest to think in terms "harmful/unbeneficial" and "non-harmful/beneficial"

reading your post gives the impression you are employing idealism instead of insight

instead of battling your urges with "should" and "should not", it is best to analyse & identify (label) various urges as 'harmful', 'non-harmful', 'dangerous', 'beneficial', etc

the link below describes how the Buddha used this method to help him stabilise his mind

best wishes

DD

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.019.than.html

pain

I like the harmful / beneficial terms. I couldn't really understand the point of the sutra though.

Anyways, my point was about letting your mind/action attach and give in to the desires regardless if it's deemed harmful or beneficial.

Let the desires and actions take their course without controlling them with your "mindfulness." Attach, cling and obsess... let it all be attached with the worldly things.

I think when you completely allow yourself to be attached, you're paving the way for you to let go.

DhammaDhatu

if one practising the buddhist path, sure, you can let the desires take their course but not the actions

for example, if your mind has a desire to get angry at someone, sure, let the mind be angry

but, if you are practising buddhism, you don't verbalise or act out the anger at the person

you just keep the anger in your mind, acknowledging it, until it passes away

but if you verbally or physcially get angry at the person, shouting at them, insulting them & throwing punches at them, that is not letting go

following the path of least resistence is not letting go

regards

justshea

I like Ani Pema on this subject, our attachments are like a rash. If you ignore it and don't scratch, it goes away. But if you scratch, the rash spreads out of control. Try not to scratch by even acknowledging an urge when it arises, let it pass through without the slightest mental commentary.

Zelkova

The key to letting go is to just let it be without denying it or acting on it. When a desire emerges just observe how it changes your state of mind. Do not act on it though just let the desire run it's course. If it feels overwhelming contemplate the consequences of acting on that desire. Surely knowing that the consequences of desire leads to suffering it would then be easy to not act upon it. Just stay mindful and it should go away on it's own like any other thought.

pain

Thanks for your thoughts.

I still feel like trying to be still and NOT act on a desire feels like suppressing it. Every time it's suppressed, it comes back stronger for me. As they say, 'what you resist persists."

For example, I have always eaten meat my entire life and after I got interested in buddhism, I felt like I should give up eating meat but I still had the desire to eat meat.

So, I continued eating meat for another couple years and one day my desire to eat meat just vanished. I think it would have taken me a lot longer to give up meat if I forced myself to give it up in first place.

Of course, I'm not talking about explicitly harmful things like punching someone in the face when I'm angry or stealing things I want. I have no desire to harm or steal anyway.

Tealeaf

This is my understanding. Since one of the main principles of Buddhism is the middle way, I believe it's important that we try to be moderate in our desires. It's impossible and just not good to give up desires completely. We desire something whenever we set a goal, or strive to reduce or end bad things like poverty, etc.

If I desire a piece of chocolate cake, and eat a small portion of it, that's OK. If my desire is so crazed that I get up in the middle of the night and eat the entire cake, that's a problem. That same principle can be extended to other situations in which we have desires or urges.