Oh, My God, how much more to go!

ddrishi

Five years ago, I decided that I have to take control of myself and embarked on the whole-hearted journey of meditation. I have been meditating by watching my breath in three sessions daily of about 30-40 minutes each. In these five years, I have become a much happier person with very high level of self-contentment. But still there are occasions when I get irritated or get worried over petty things. I wonder how many more years will it take for me to get total control over myself!

genkaku

@ddrishi -- That's quite a good and determined schedule to keep. Hats off.

How many more years until you get total control over yourself? Relax -- it's never going to happen. To gain control of your self is to gain control of ... what? A figment of your self's imagination. What sort of success could that represent?

It's not unusual to imagine that Buddhism offers some sort of brass ring of success -- that all I have to do is meditate enough or swallow enough goldfish and, voila! -- I will be all done and all serene and all better. 'Enlightenment' -- end of story! There may be improvements anyone might note as they practice, but improvements are limited and Buddhism is not. How could anyone improve this moment ... or this one ... or this one? We practice not in order to be content in some 'other' moment but in order to be at peace in this one.

Keep up your good practice.

PS. I have practiced for 40 years and I still haven't swallowed enough goldfish.

ddrishi

Thank you. I will try to understand this.

MindGate

So, you are claiming enlightenment is impossible, Genkaku? Or have a misread? Do you mean that to become enlightened we must lose our desire and attachment to becoming enlightened? Or... what?

genkaku

@Mindgate -- You don't have to do anything. Your life, your choice.

But when it comes to "enlightenment," I imagine that anyone using the word would, by necessity, know what s/he was talking about. But if you knew what it was, why bother mentioning it? As a tentative suggestion, perhaps, but does enlightenment fall within the realm of "possible" and "impossible?"

I don't know. As I say, your life, your choice.

andyZ

So, you are claiming enlightenment is impossible, Genkaku? Or have a misread? Do you mean that to become enlightened we must lose our desire and attachment to becoming enlightened? Or... what?

I'd say it depends on what tradition of Buddhism you're following. In Zen, where @genkaku is coming from, one is not suppose to think of enlightenment, but rather see every moment of your life as complete and lacking nothing and by doing so, you're already enlightened
In some other traditions you're supposed to accumulate good karma and hope to be reborn as human again so that the next life will bring you closer to the enlightenment. However, Zen and those other methods aren't that different. In Zen, in order to attain peace of mind and wake up to every moment of your life one still must follow the Buddhist precepts and accumulate good karma. Eventually, both these methods lead to the same place - your happiness in this lifetime. Just choose the path that suits you more.

SeaOfTranquility

"It's not over, till it's over."

I also have an on going daily meditation practice. And yes I also find myself falling back into old patterns of self delusion from time to time. But, I am aware sooner and know enough to let it go when I see it arise.

Total control in the future? No, probably not. Peace and acceptance in this present moment. Now that's doable.

Best Wishes

maarten

Hi ddrishi,

maybe your practice is too much taking place in areas which you already know? Even if meditation is supposed to create an open mind, it's possible that you are sub-consciously walking the same paths every time, and it could in that case be useful to plan some activities (of any kind) that are very new to you.

Best regards,
Maarten

Mountains

...how many more years will it take for me to get total control over myself!

If you figure it out, let us know, then write a book!

wisebuddy

actually you already achieve some result from your meditation.So its a good step.
Its ok for thing to get out of control sometime as we are currently try to practice and perfect it.Dont bother about the time as buddha takes so many cycle of life to attained enlightenment so you are currently serving some decades here only and you expect you can achieve perfection in such a time.So keep on meditation and dont bother about the perfection as you will achieve it from time to time,

IronRabbit

Oh, My God, how much more to go!

For-ev-er.

Dakini

ddrishi, it's not about gaining "control" over yourself. It's a gradual letting go of the clinging that causes your irritation and worry, a gradual relaxing of that grasping at the need for things to be perfect, an acceptance of those things one can't change. We grow and evolve, we don't struggle for control. If you think about it, the goal of abandoning attachment/grasping, and striving for control, are at direct loggerheads. Patience is the name of the game. We all progress at our own pace, there's no race to the top.

Welcome to NB, by the way.

ddrishi

Thanks, friends. Advice of all of you had put me quite at peace with myself.