shifting focus from self to other

gracelee

i am wondering how people overcome self absorbtion?
i suffer from deprssion and anxiety and have noticed that i am incredibly self focused.
when i am talking to someone i am generally worring that they don't like me or trying to impress them.
i seem to talk and think about my problems all the time, so much so that i don't give my full attention to the people i love
i would really love to hear any advice/books/teachings on how i can begin to shift my focus from self to other

Dazzle

Hi gracelee,

Maybe you could try metta practice ?

There are some resources here:

http://www.buddhanet.net/metta.htm

and here:





with kind wishes,

D.

.

taiyaki

Google lama marut. Essentially this is the bodhisattvas path.

genkaku

The Zen teacher Dogen once observed: "To study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all beings...."

Where else could anyone realistically begin a Buddhist practice if not with the "self?" Fleeing the self or beating up on the self is a mistake which just drives the 'self' to new and more ornate heights or pushes it further underground.

The practice of meditation allows for a careful investigation of what is so beloved. By applying attention and responsibility, the 'self' has a way of naturally dissolving ... not because of hope or belief or polite and profound banter, but because it is what naturally happens. Practice leads away from talk-the-talk and into a world of walk-the-walk.

Watch, watch and watch some more. See what actually happens.

Floating_Abu

The Zen teacher Dogen once observed: "To study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all beings...."

Where else could anyone realistically begin a Buddhist practice if not with the "self?" Fleeing the self or beating up on the self is a mistake which just drives the 'self' to new and more ornate heights or pushes it further underground.

The practice of meditation allows for a careful investigation of what is so beloved. By applying attention and responsibility, the 'self' has a way of naturally dissolving ... not because of hope or belief or polite and profound banter, but because it is what naturally happens. Practice leads away from talk-the-talk and into a world of walk-the-walk.

Watch, watch and watch some more. See what actually happens.

What he said.

Best wishes,
Abu

Cloud

I'd say rather than shift focus from self to other, shift focus from from "self" to "not-self". All things are not-self, which leads us to see there is really no difference between self and other to begin with. Otherwise, we may be taking the attention off of ourselves... but in doing so we're taking attention away from clearly discerning "not-self".

Paradox

If you practice meditation regularly, focussing on the breath or some other object, then your ability to focus your attention where you want it will be strengthened. Then when you are with people you can apply this skill to focus your attention away from the worry in your mind and focus instead on what you are doing, or what the other person is saying.

Epicurus

I think it starts with realizing at the end of the day you're not gonna "get" anything out of people. What we say or what other people say isn't as important as what is between the lines - how we say things and how we react.

As long as you believe people have power over feelings you will approach social interaction with that in mind. Bring attention to the fact you crave pleasing people, or about what they will think of you, or reputation, or validation or any other expectation you might have.

ddrishi

Meditation alone can help.

frequency86

The Zen teacher Dogen once observed: "To study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by all beings...."

Where else could anyone realistically begin a Buddhist practice if not with the "self?" Fleeing the self or beating up on the self is a mistake which just drives the 'self' to new and more ornate heights or pushes it further underground.

The practice of meditation allows for a careful investigation of what is so beloved. By applying attention and responsibility, the 'self' has a way of naturally dissolving ... not because of hope or belief or polite and profound banter, but because it is what naturally happens. Practice leads away from talk-the-talk and into a world of walk-the-walk.

This is very inspiring. Through practice, we develop compassion. Non-self.

Mani

It can be a little difficult to get out of this kind of rut once we find ourselves in it. we have to try so hard to really have compassion for ourselves, and try our best to minimize the negative image we may have of ourselves. Sometimes it helps to talk to a friend, a good one, who can remind us of all the great qualities and uniqueness that we posses.

You are right, if we are thinking about someone else, then for that moment at least, our own troubles vanish.

As for books/practices, there is a good book which I found useful when I began getting into Dharma, and that is "How to practice the way to a meaningful life", by HH Dalai Lama. It is conveyed in a relaxing manner to a western audience, and has some great practice and advice in it for these kinds of things.

One other thing that I try to remember is that all mind states are temporary, which gives great hope to breaking out and finding happiness!