Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In Register
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

I'm becoming detached from my life

MrsWigsMrsWigs
edited October 2011 in Buddhism Basics
Hi all. I don't have a teacher as the nearest one to me I can't get to.. So I'm after some advice please. I've been studying Buddhism on and off a few years, but more intently recenly. The problem I have is that I feel I've gone "full circle" with my thoughts about life. It's almost like I'm taking the "life is suffering" too literally. At first, it all made sense, and made me a lot more appreciative of everything, even things I hadn't paid much attention to before. But now it's almost I'm so realistic about not attaching myself to what is so transient, I feel like I'm almost thinking "what's the point". I hope I'm making sense.. I don't mean "whats the point" in a depressing way. I mean it in an acceptance way. Nothing is permanent, attachment is suffering - which is making me become distant with my husband and daughter. So instead of living and loving each moment, I find myself thinking that this life is a grain of sand on the grand scale of things, and that happiness is so fleeting that , well, what's the point....

When I started studying Buddhism it made me happy. Now it's made me a bit
Depressed because I've become such a realist!! Whatndoesnt help is that I work in the medical profession, see life, illness and death daily, so I've always been a bit of a realist anyway.

I'm sure I'm missing the point. Could someone please help me?!

Thx


M

Comments

  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    because everything is empty, everything is possible.

    hence the emphasis in compassion. compassion is wisdom in action. wisdom alone is dangerous and compassion alone is dangerous. both should complement each other on the path.

    to see everyone as they are is important. sure all is fleeting, but that doesn't mean we don't engage.

    smell the flowers, kiss your loved ones. cherish it all, but accept that it too will pass. because everything is so fragile, we must cherish it all with our hearts open to all experiences.

    cultivate a beginners mind. then you will see with fresh eyes. out of those eyes you will live a happier life.
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    wisdom alone is dangerous and compassion alone is dangerous. both should complement each other on the path.
    Funnily enough I just heard Pema Chodron speaking about this. She was saying that sometimes they (wisdom and compassion) get a little out of sync with each other.

  • LincLinc Site owner Detroit Moderator
    I think this is thoroughly misunderstood about Buddhism. You don't become detached because "what's the point?". You stop clinging because "life is amazing and I want to be wholly present for every moment." :)
  • LincLinc Site owner Detroit Moderator
    Non-attachment doesn't mean distancing yourself from your family. It means loving who they are this moment, not who you think they are or who they were yesterday.
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    Do you have a strong, consistent meditation practice? If not, then that is what is missing.
  • MrsWigsMrsWigs
    Thanks guys, this is just what I need! A bit of clarity x
  • MrsWigsMrsWigs
    Do you have a strong, consistent meditation practice? If not, then that is what is missing.
    I fear you are right @seeker242. I'm so busy all the time I can't find time for quality meditation! I don't get very much time to myself that's the problem . If only
    There was "driving meditation!" as I have a 90 minute round trip a day.....

  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    There IS "driving meditation"! :) The way to practice it is make the very act of driving a car the object of the meditation. It's is obviously different than sitting meditation and should not replace sitting meditation, but it's still meditation, just a different kind. :)

    http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-meditate-while-driving-and-be-a-better-driver/
  • MrsWigsMrsWigs
    Oh wow! I never thought it would work as it might be too dangerous...! Will check it out, thx!!
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    @MrsWigs -- I agree with seeker242 mostly.

    But I do think that an actual-factual, sit-down-erect-the-spine-shut-up-and-focus-the-mind meditation is more likely to have a salutary effect than imagining that anything you do is meditation. While it's true that anything you do is or can be meditation, still the mind is generally so squirrely, so full of its own directions, that a means of directly addressing all the chit-chat is best.

    You're busy.

    Everyone's busy.

    Do it anyway. :)

    Ten or fifteen minutes a day. Ten or fifteen minutes a week. Ten or fifteen minutes a month. You, like anyone else, deserve a little time to yourself. Find it an use it.
  • Floating_AbuFloating_Abu Veteran
    @MrsWigs -- I agree with seeker242 mostly.

    But I do think that an actual-factual, sit-down-erect-the-spine-shut-up-and-focus-the-mind meditation is more likely to have a salutary effect than imagining that anything you do is meditation. While it's true that anything you do is or can be meditation, still the mind is generally so squirrely, so full of its own directions, that a means of directly addressing all the chit-chat is best.

    You're busy.

    Everyone's busy.

    Do it anyway. :)

    Ten or fifteen minutes a day. Ten or fifteen minutes a week. Ten or fifteen minutes a month. You, like anyone else, deserve a little time to yourself. Find it an use it.
    Thanks.
  • Floating_AbuFloating_Abu Veteran
    Oh wow! I never thought it would work as it might be too dangerous...! Will check it out, thx!!
    The first time I tried meditation (I had read the Four Noble Truths and was looking to put the Eightfold Path into action) and drove, it is nice I did not have an accident. I really didn't know what meditation meant back then as I had never done it comprehensively and was in some words, a n00bie. My driving, checking mirror was so mechanical as I tried to apply 'Right Mindfulness'. Anyway as I said I was glad and lucky to not have been hurt.

    I think if you do some sitting meditation over time and with determination and constancy it is possible to know better where and when you can take it into daily life.

    Just my 2c.

    Best wishes,
    Abu
  • ddrishiddrishi
    Non-attachment doesn't mean distancing yourself from your family. It means loving who they are this moment, not who you think they are or who they were yesterday.
    This statement seems a bit self-contradictory. "Your family" invariably draws reference to the persons as "they were yesterday". Or have I misread it?
  • Ada_BAda_B
    Love people are they are, warts and all, even when they are being annoying. Sometimes, 'loving' people at a distance, people in general rather than specific individuals, is often easier than loving a family member who is in your face and demanding your attention. The trick is to work out who they really are, rather than what you think they are, or what you would like them to be, and love them without 'I' getting in the way.

    The only way to do that is to understand who this 'I' is, and the only way I know of doing that is to meditate.

    I agree with Genkaku - you need to meditate if you are to make progress.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited October 2011
    What is the difference between "you" and "your life"?


    (Hint: there is none, so you can't become detached from it).
  • Floating_AbuFloating_Abu Veteran
    edited October 2011

    (Hint
    :vimp:
    What is the difference between "you" and "your life"?
    Who is the you ??

    Namaste,
    Abu
  • grout4cakegrout4cake
    As a person who works in the medical field I have found myself far more detached as a result of the endless stream of suffering humanity that come thru the door than as a result of Buddhist practice. It is called burn out.

    Meditation, reading Buddhist materials and time spent in nature remind me of why I do what I do and be able to relate to the people I care for,as persons who like myself are filled with the potential to experience beauty,compassion and spiritual longing.I can then see how important it is to help them get to the place where they can experience these states.

    When every day of our life is packed with interacting and assisting others,for some of the more introverted among us,it is very easy to became drained, resulting in that "whats the point"feeling.Refresh yourself with nature , meditation and relaxation and you may be surprised how meaningfulness will return.
  • MrsWigsMrsWigs
    @grout4cake I think you got me.... Maybe Buddhism isn't the problem here... Maybe it's my job. After 12 years of caring for others, maybe I'm burnt out, done with caring. I d
  • MrsWigsMrsWigs
    I don't mean give up on caring and compassion, maybe I just need a change of scenery.... :) thanks
    It really helps to talk to others in the same boat as me X
Sign In or Register to comment.