remind me again about difficult people and our growth

AMH

I seem to have a strech of handling some very tricky conversations and situations at work and in my personal life. Oh dear. I can do it and in some ways feel I am uniquely qualified to deal with it, however I find that really dealing with this in the most skillful manner is very exhausting. Today i have to have 2 very difficult and 1 'who knows' conversations. The really difficult are staff I had conversations with last year and it was hands down the absolute worst talk with staff I have ever had. I may be less nice in this situation based on that, and their feeling they could verbally go after me (I would say attack but I didn't really play along, I pretty much let people dig their own hole).

The only one that I am feeling like I don't know what I am doing is the personal one with my boyfriend. I am struggling with his issues and how i really don't know what the heck is going on in his head. I told him yesterday i thought he should see his counselor. He refused to let me come check on him while he is very sick. I told him what he is saying makes me scared, but no go. And he is in transition, staying with friends, talking about sharing my house to some extent and helping with rent which would be so good, but I cannot even check on him when he is sick. doesn't add up. He is talking to counselor today and I am just sticking with having compassion but knowing it is not my issue. Checking on a sick person is pretty normal. Do you ever get the feeling that sometimes it is not us that is the primary learner but the other person? I don't want to get all caught up in ego but I can see a lot of learning and change for him but I am just havign patience more than anything.

bodhipunk

Having patience more than anything is probably the best advice that you have given yourself. It seems your boyfriend is having some ego and pride issues, and talking to a counselor may prove beneficial.

As far as having a difficult conversation at work, since I don't know the specifics, maybe this might provide some helpful pointers.

Skillful never implies easy. Sometimes, the most skillful thing to do may seem to be the most difficult. Yet it is always the most rewarding.

AMH

Yeah. Skillful is really not easy. I supervise after school care and I have a very upset grandparent/guardian and staff that has previously said that 'the customer is not right' about our program. They have been standing off to the side of the child and speaking badly about her in spanish, and she can understand bad words. They keep on telling me she is a bad kid, and that does not fit with our positive behavior model. I think we need to retrain people who have been doing this for 6 adn 8 years from the bottom up and i am not sure they are willing to change.