Can you turn a greedy person into a more generous one?

lotuspadma

When my grandma was young, she didn't have much to eat. But instead of that making her sympathetic to the needs of others, it made her clingy. I mean, she will usually give out food for homeless people that ask her, but not money. I think that's pretty reasonable, since they may buy bad things with it. But she won't give money to trustworthy institutions either. I asked her if she want to donate to the Red Cross to help end the famine in Somalia, but she said no. She said she needs money too, and only the rich should have to donate. Well, we sure aren't rich, but we have some spare money. Don't think we'd miss twenty bucks. She makes me angry when she acts like this, and I don't understand how she calls herself a Christian... But anyways, if she wants to be greedy, that's up to her. What's really bugging me is that she won't let me donate either. I'm unemployed, so she says I should get a job first. She probably would stop me even if I did have one. So, what can I do to turn her around? I mean, I got like 20 bucks in my savings account and I'll donate that without telling her. But I wanted to be able to do that freely, and that she'll participate too. Can I help her become more generous? Or at least make her let me be generous?

person

No you can't, only they can do that for themselves. If I remember right you're an adult now even though you still live with your grandma. You should start trying to do whats right for your life without always needing approval from her.

But I also do think she is right about getting a job, that would help you alot with finding some independence.

lotuspadma

You're right. But I tried showing her footage of the current situation in Africa; and also some Christian leaders saying how important it is to be generous. Well, it worked. At least on some level. She donated the money as well, and allowed me to donate mine. But I can say she's very generous now, because she said she hopes we get some rewards from this action. But I think it's a start...
Oh, and I am looking for a job. It's just not so easy. And here in Brazil it's common and acceptable to live with your family until you get married. I'm really thankful for that.

zombiegirl

perhaps you should try volunteering for a soup kitchen and inviting her to come along. i used to volunteer for a christian run facility. imo, doing something like this is much more beneficial than giving a homeless person money on the street.

ThailandTom

Well, people can influence the change IMO, I myself use to be somewhat selfish when I was in my late teens. It took a close group of friends to one day point out to me what I was actually like most of the time. Often we are blinded to how we are seen by others, it takes an outsider point of view. I subsequently changed and now I am very generous and selfless. For example I had about 800 thai baht to last 10 days last month (around 25 dollars) and I gave 200baht to pretty much a stranger and 500baht to my GFs son. I was in trouble moneywise, I ate once a day, sometimes I did not eat, I had no money, but I felt free. I have never felt such a feeling.

TreeLuvr87

You can only lead by example. You're not responsible for her actions. What will happen if she continues to be greedy in this manner and does not donate? What's the WORST that can happen?

In terms of your own donations, yes, you've got to get a job if you want to control where your money is spent.

lotuspadma

I don't know, I feel a bit responsible for people's future. Won't you be poor in your next life if you're too greedy in this one? I want all my loved ones to live privileged lives so they can develop wisdom more easily and be freed from Samsara.

person

You can ask and teach but sometimes this can actually have the opposite effect and turn others off to what you're telling them. Think of the people turned off to Christian teachings by overzealous followers. Like @TreeLuvr87 said the best way to influence someone is usually to lead by example. If you're a generous person hopefully your grandma will see the positives that come from it and decide to change.

At any rate if she doesn't want to change no amount of pleading will cause a meaningful change. Though it does sound like she's willing to accomodate you when you ask I don't imagine that this is a deep change in how she views generosity. That kind of real change only comes when she understands the benefit for herself.

ThailandTom

Everybody has their own path, sometimes we turn corners or choose whih way to go by realizing something about ourselves. This may come from meditation, from observing the world or from comments of people around you. Like I mentioned before, I was a selfish friend, that was one of my great weaknesses in my personality. It got thrown into my face one day and then I changed from then on, slowly because change in personality does take a lot of effort and time IMO.

It is good that you feel compassion for those close to you that you want them to have greater wisdom and be free from samsara, but only one person can free oneself from samsaraand that is the person in question. Try not to go around preeching a lot, it really turns the vast majority of people off. Everyone has their own ideology and often they cling to it like a life line. The whole point of rebirth is that in each life we are meant to learn from the last, progress in wisdom and banish our ignorance, so let them follow their own paths but be compassionate when it is required.