Relationships

MindGate

Buddhistically speaking, what defines a healthy relationship?

Dakini

DD came up with a quote once that describes a (married) relationship in very traditional terms: the husband shows his love by providing for his wife, and she returns her love by keeping house, cooking for him, etc. The Buddha did have teachings for householders. Maybe you could do a search on www.accesstoinsight.org Of course, the basic principle of non-harm on both an emotional and physical level is fundamental.

Jeffrey

Dhamma Dhatu always had some great Pali Canon quotes for this purpose.. So I can confirm that these quotes do exist and they are on www.accesstoinsight.org..

Mountains

Buddhistically speaking (is that a word?)? I don't think there are definitions, and I don't think a Buddhist healthy relationship is any different from a non-Buddhist healthy relationship. A healthy relationship sort of defines itself.

MindGate

I said Buddhistically speaking meaning, "In accordance to ethics of a Buddhist."

I'm sure the ethics are different than that of a Muslim or Christian, at least slightly. So, I said that to ask about - ya know what? Whatever. I don't care. God, you people complicate things and don't just answer freaking questions when asked. It was so freaking simple and of course people at NewBuddhist could complicate it.

aura

A Buddhist definition of "right relationship"?
In one simple, clear, non-ambiguous word that says it all:
Balance!

ClayTheScribe

Love, compassion, understanding, awareness, empathy, the ability to listen with one's whole being, generosity, fun or playfulness, humor, mutual attraction, shared interests and-or purpose, free and loving self-expression, balance, equality, shared experiences and mindfulness. Or at least that's what I want from a relationship.

AMH

someone who lets you meditate and doesn't think you are going to hell? Okay way more than that, I think I have an easier time describing unhealthy patterns rather than healthy ones but I think a relationship that grows beyond itself, supports both people in being better than what they could be alone, and can stand the test of what life brings in a way that brings you closer and stronger, well that has got to be good in a Buddhist way as well as any other way.

praxis

Buddhistically speaking, what defines a healthy relationship?

Non-attachment?

Jeffrey

Supportive of spiritual practice and letting eachother be themselves without ego expectations controlling/manipulating.

ThailandTom

Pretty much what has been stated above, balance, compassion, selfless acts and thoughts. IMO relationships are one of the best places to test your buddhist self. It is easy to lose yourself.

YoungBuddhist

You're happy, she's happy, no attachment or aversion.

Telly03

I'll admit that I had a little nagging thought as I started learning about Buddhism, in that I worried about how this would change my relationship with my wife.

A realization that I had, and I shared with her, is that I don't need her, and never have... So why am I with her? Because I enjoy having her in my life... my life is better with her. So I thanked her for all the positives she brought into our relationship.

If she ever left I would never wish her harm, I would still be thankful for the time I spent with her.

driedleaf

A healthy relationship is the result of someone knowing who they are in the relationship, and carries out their duties within that relationship.

ThailandTom

I remember something that a girl told me when I was 16 that I consider to hold some truth. In a lot of relationships, you may find the flower and the gardener. The flower is the person who needs/wants some type of taking care of, and the garderner is the person who enjoys to help/take care of people, even if it is not so noticable on the surface.

Spaceless

Buddhistically speaking, what defines a healthy relationship?

universally speaking from the tenet of mankind mentioned in buddhism is how you like yourself to be treated, you accord that lovingliness of loving yuorself towards others including animals unconditionally. that is to be realistically being beings on earth. May you be happy & well

ZendoLord84

when everybody's happy ?

ThailandTom

What is happiness? True happiness is not from an external source. So, you could say that you are both 'happy' when you are apart, you could say that you are both happy when drunk, you could also say you are both happy when you are asleep lol.

Raven

Kindness, working together as a team, honesty, truthfulness, mutual respect. Being able to be who you are and loved - not despite of it, but because of it. Taking the journey together.

DaltheJigsaw

Compassion, understanding, patients:) This is coming from an individual who has been in a relationship for 6 years and 3 months. Met her when she was 18 and I was 20.

ThailandTom

What makes a good relationship on paper is simple, finding that and creating that is not so simple-almost like communism.

AMH

People and any sort of relationships are SOOO much work (okay not talking romantically today but really it is a pain) Even with my 'undefined relationship' we have to work hard. We can both have a quick reaction time so sometimes giving each other a chance to cool off can be a couple weeks. But still there is the love underneath it all.

So i am going to add one to this great conversation - don't follow others rules for your relationship if it doesn't work, choose the way you both want to go and do it, the 2 of you with have storms to weather and it works better if you are doing your own style.

Raven

@AHeerdt makes a great point. Each person (likely) has their own dealbreakers, requirements, etc; it's important to know what yours are, and what works for you. I had a hard time leaving a relationship, because of the time investment (what a terrible way to look at it, looking back), the guilt, the disappointment, etc. But everyone has a right to find what makes them happy, and what makes you happy may not be what makes someone else happy. I think what's important is to be clear about it, both individually and as a couple.

AMH

Thanks for the comment,

In my case we don't live together, sometimes he stays with me, we get time when we can, not a big plan about where we are going. We used to be talking very serious and I have some friends who would push for that but honestly it was stressing us both out so much. My deal breakers are lying and cheating and making me feel like crap. He makes me feel good, takes responsibility for his own baggage and never gives me grief about the time my kids or job takes. Even when we are officially off we will talk and he tells me how amazing I am, certainly not by the rules but so nice. Basically he is a grownup! (did i mention cute, hmm)

Vastmind

One of my references on this subject right now is this:

http://buddhasadvice.wordpress.com/relationships/

andyrobyn

You're happy, she's happy, no attachment or aversion.

In my experience, the quality of relationships is determined by how the individuals involved are able to communicate and interact when they are not happy !!

I_AM_THAT

Loving unconditionally...