How to strengthen the mind against irrational fears

mind7

Lately, I have had a problem with thinking about my parents dying. Out of nowhere, the thought of losing my parents just rushes my mind and takes it over. My parents are the most important things that I know in this world and losing them would be the worst thing I could imagine.

I know that nothing is permanent. I understand that I shouldn't expect them to live forever and that it is natural for children to outlive their parents, but something is preventing me from being able to accept that. Is meditating on it a bad idea? I don't want to cultivate more thoughts about the subject, but I need to get past this.

Metta

taiyaki

Redirect those thoughts into wholesome actions of body, speech and mind.

Yes your parents are going to die, now this can cripple us or it can allow us to really appreciate them while they are here. We can cherish them and really they can become the targets for our loving kindness, patience, and compassion.

I am a firm believer in getting our affairs in order while we have time. Then when the inevitable occurs we won't be as blindsided. Though we are going to be blindsighted, at least we thought about it and really lived with no regrets.

Everything can be redirected for good use.

Zero

Is meditating on it a bad idea?
I don't want to cultivate more thoughts about the subject, but I need to get past this.

I'm struggling to think of a situation where meditation would be a bad idea.

Cultivate all the thoughts you can - sift through them and sort them - examine your emotional response and meditate - let go slowly.

As @taiyaki says - begin to get your affairs in order and free yourself of the fear so you can spend your precious time with the ones you love and make the most of the moments you have together.

AMH

Can I ask how old you and your parents are? do you live with them or close by? Is anyone sick or have a chronic health problem? I would temper anxiety with the answers to these questions. If you are not living with/dependant on them and also they are not getting old or sick then you are really in a golden period where you can simply enjoy each other.

patbb

you don't strengthen the mind against fears.

when you are inclined toward meditation or being calm, just let that feeling come.
look at it in your body, using your attention like a flash light, where is it? what is it doing? and pay attention to what is happening without doing anything about it. look at the thought it generate, look at the feelings the thoughts triggers.
let that feeling of fear be free.

let it go in this way.

Lady_Alison

Op I hope this helps...I wrote a similar thread and there was good advice..
if you ever want to talk you Can pm me...I know what it feels like.

http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/14031/what-is-the-difference-between-being-alone-and-feeling-lonely/p1

suopohe

It's not about fear. It's not even about someone dieing. It's our ego. We cry or feel sad because we're LOSING some possessions FOREVER. Here, I meant the possession of a relationship. Think about this way, do you feel sad when you lose a piece of gold? or even 100 bucks. Do you feel sad if your dog/cat couldn't find it way home ,get lost so you'll never see it again? Losing someone because of death is just the most severe form because we'll never see them again.

Remember this world is impermanent. You should feel better that you learned Buddhism. You can transfer your merit of good deeds to your parents and help them in the path after death.

Also remember that the flesh body is not our true self, we're travelers. The body is a house we temperately live in. One day, we'll move on and find a new place.
By crying, we are not helping the dead people at all. Hope this helps reducing your worry.

Lady_Alison

@suopohe...to someone that is in the state of fear and angst, your comment, while well meaning, does not help. Because it is empty of quality and compassion. But after some clarity, he could use what you posted above.

Just my opinion.

DaltheJigsaw

Lately, I have had a problem with thinking about my parents dying. Out of nowhere, the thought of losing my parents just rushes my mind and takes it over. My parents are the most important things that I know in this world and losing them would be the worst thing I could imagine.

I know that nothing is permanent. I understand that I shouldn't expect them to live forever and that it is natural for children to outlive their parents, but something is preventing me from being able to accept that. Is meditating on it a bad idea? I don't want to cultivate more thoughts about the subject, but I need to get past this.

Metta

I have had this thought a few times. Especially about my mother dying. The crazy part is she has had to go to the hospital a few times, due to not being able to breathe too well. But I try to spend time with her as much as I can. I supposed live in the moment. Be in the present and just enjoy her company. We have had a few fall outs when I was younger, but once I moved out a while ago, it has only gotten better.

praxis

How to strengthen the mind against irrational fears?

By practicing rationality of course.

Denkatsu

I think sometimes we don't want to accept the fact we all have to die. Are loved one will die. But accepting this reality is very important.

mind7

Thank you all. I've been improving but the thought will still enter my mind every once in a while. I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong with the thought entering my mind and to just remember to accept it whenever it does. I have also been using it as a positive experience to always make the most of my time with my parents. I appreciate the help