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Overcoming Fear
novaw0lf
Veteran
Since the beginning, my life has been a constant struggle against the grain of societal norms. Due to my belief structure and the order of my priorities, I have a tenacity to take the road less traveled, and I fear the criticism of others for doing so.
I am a person who is a master of holding my composure within the spotlight of disapproval, but inside, I constantly feel incredible fear. For instance, there was fear in making this very post, because I worry if I post too much, or that I write repetitive unnecessary information or opinions that no one will like or care about. Every time someone shows support for something that I say, I'm a bit shocked, because I truly expect disapproval long before I anticipate approval. Not too long ago, I made a post called "Gateway", a video of me reciting slam poetry. The opening of the video began with a disclaimer that brought to the audience's attention that the reason why I was posting this video was to help overcome my fear of public audiences. Never did I ever imagine the amount of positive feedback that it received: nearly 1,000 views and not a single dislike or negative comment about it.
I guess that I'm a paradoxical person, and a bit scarred from previous experiences, but I yearn to be heard and seen. I'm constantly writhed with self-doubt, fear, and a lack of self-confidence, but I act anyway. I guess that this could inadvertently project an illusion of false confidence to others who don't really know me, but in reality, I'm probably more afraid to step outside of my own front door than the average person. Yet, I'm the very same person who would jump from an airplane, or jump in front of a bullet for my loved ones. My fear is a torturous inhibition that I wish I didn't have; I wish that I could be fearless, but I am not. Ever.
Has anyone any advice for ridding myself of these inhibitions, in order to be a better leader and teacher for others?
I am a person who is a master of holding my composure within the spotlight of disapproval, but inside, I constantly feel incredible fear. For instance, there was fear in making this very post, because I worry if I post too much, or that I write repetitive unnecessary information or opinions that no one will like or care about. Every time someone shows support for something that I say, I'm a bit shocked, because I truly expect disapproval long before I anticipate approval. Not too long ago, I made a post called "Gateway", a video of me reciting slam poetry. The opening of the video began with a disclaimer that brought to the audience's attention that the reason why I was posting this video was to help overcome my fear of public audiences. Never did I ever imagine the amount of positive feedback that it received: nearly 1,000 views and not a single dislike or negative comment about it.
I guess that I'm a paradoxical person, and a bit scarred from previous experiences, but I yearn to be heard and seen. I'm constantly writhed with self-doubt, fear, and a lack of self-confidence, but I act anyway. I guess that this could inadvertently project an illusion of false confidence to others who don't really know me, but in reality, I'm probably more afraid to step outside of my own front door than the average person. Yet, I'm the very same person who would jump from an airplane, or jump in front of a bullet for my loved ones. My fear is a torturous inhibition that I wish I didn't have; I wish that I could be fearless, but I am not. Ever.
Has anyone any advice for ridding myself of these inhibitions, in order to be a better leader and teacher for others?
0
Comments
Something to ponder:
Do your fears ever really realize themselves (i.e. "I fear rejection because I am often rejected), or is it merely your mind that's telling you that you will be rejected, even if you're not? If they do not realize themselves, then accepting your limitations is in order, I believe.
I loved that video so much!
Can I just say, @leonbasin does kinda the same thing you do, you could ask him what he does when he feels anxious...I think he use to do his poetry publicly.
I'm the biggest scaredy cat around but like you, you want to challenge that.
Think of a soldier going to war, don't you think he still battles with his own fears and insecurities? Yet, he still does what he needs to, that is called courage.
Fear is nothing trying to be something.
Dude, post your threads...who cares? But don't hide away your light.
...I'm glad your back. Don't leave, you have a fan!
You can find more of his videos on his youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/yuttadhammo/videos?view=pl
And there is also a forum:
http://ask.sirimangalo.org/
And lots of other online stuff (facebook, radio sessions, online meditation together), but of those things I don't know a lot...
But again, I'm not the monk from the video and it was never my intention to act as if I were him. I respect him way to much for that...
How masterful are you if it is just a facade?
What was the purpose of the post? Was it to share something or was it to seek approval for what you did? For someone to say, 'hey that was good' so you can believe it yourself? Do you actually believe in yourself?
Expecting disapproval or approval are the sides of the same illusion - by expecting, you are bound to be disappointed.
Examine the paradox and reconcile it.
Perhaps your fear is good at this stage - perhaps it is guiding you where you need to be?
Yearning for something opens you up to disappointment - so much better not to yearn and just be there - consider examining why it is that you yearn and perhaps consider how you can deal with your challenges whether or not you are to be a leader or a teacher of others - teaching and leading ourselves is a task in itself.
This may sound ridiculous, but check it out. The fact is that I love my fears and worries. It cements my notion of who I am.
For those inclined, a patient and courageous and determined meditation can help straighten things out.
Open put up a slam poetry video on front page. Check it out!
The root of all fear is ignorance and the selfishness that arises from that ignorance. The things you do have a selfish element to them that makes you afraid.
To be selfless is to be fearless. Of course this is easier said than done, but to recognize that fact is a start.
Why does fear define you?
...Yeah, actually...uhh, I was one of them. Here is an article that I wrote. http://www.writerwolven.com/articles/politics/forallmankind.php
Part of the reason why I expect to be reprimanded so much was because I have been. I jumped from a burning building in Bahrain (just one of countless times that I've been reprimanded) to save people who may be inside, disobeying direct orders, who wounded up not being in the building at all. I acted because I felt as if we weren't doing everything that we could save who we could.
And thank you for your support. ^^; I'm not going anywhere. There'll definitely be more videos in the future. That hits hard. You'd be surprised at just how accurate you are when you say that I compare myself to an "imagined, idealized self". Very true. I know that I should act without fear of what other people think, but I do. Because I know this, I act as if I weren't afraid of what people think, even though I am. GOOD question. I guess I have difficulty determining the difference now. The purpose was to deliberately expose myself to the opinions of others, not to press myself on them but to leave myself open, despite how scared I actually am in reality. My problem is that I wish that I just didn't feel that fear anymore, that I acted because I was truly fearless instead of projecting fearlessness.
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/comment/238094#Comment_238094
Here is the link to having posted my article here on this site a while ago.
just like I don't view my "sadness, or suffering " as a problem that I want to get rid off.
I see these "weaknesses" as super powers...they are the opposite side of a coin...fear turns to courage and sadness into joy...suffering into loving kindness.
So you could try to change your perspective or the way you see these emotions...they could beyour fuel to positive action.
Besides how will you know when you are acting brave, courages, kind, compassionate, loving, when you have nothing to compare it too.
Seems to me that you have acted against your nature to flee, many times.
I'm very grateful for your service.
I will say that it is in some ways idiotic and knee-jerk my response which may be cartooning you up. For one thing I really don't feel like attacking you because I feel really bad about what the soldiers go through. Not that there is any particular reason to attack you. I wanted you to succeed from that performance video. Maybe vicariously hhe.
Your personality is similar to mine. I do, however have less anxiety than you do, but it's still there.
What has helped me lessen my anxiety is empathy (hope I'm using the term correctly here). I started to see that other people have mostly the same fears and feelings as I do because they're human, so I shouldn't feel so fearful. They are going through the same things I am. And at times when I'm worried about what others will think of me, I imagine myself in their shoes and take an educated guess as to how they would feel about what I'm doing. Most of the time this works, because we're all human and have general fears that are common to all of us, and most of the time is good enough.
When you are more confident about what others are feeling about you, your anxiety will lessen. They are just as afraid of you as you are of them.
When I look at those other sites about you I don't see the following at all:
"I fear the criticism of others..."
"I constantly feel incredible fear."
"I truly expect disapproval long before I anticipate approval."
"a bit scarred from previous experiences"
"I'm constantly writhed with self-doubt, fear, and a lack of self-confidence"
"I'm probably more afraid to step outside of my own front door than the average person."
"My fear is a torturous inhibition that I wish I didn't have; I wish that I could be fearless, but I am not. Ever."
So my question is...which is you...what you wrote here, or what is on those other sites?
No, I'll be honest, I'm not that good at giving advice about fear (because I am fearful, too), but listing all of your positive traits might help. Also not caring about what other people think might help. Although I have no idea how to get to that point...
Sorry, this response was not very helpful, but I understand how you feel.
Think of it less of a weakness and more just another facet of your fascinating self - it provides you with a wonderful opportunity to live and experience and also share - I have learnt an incredible amount from your posts and our exchange - not such a weakness now eh? Perhaps as your weaknesses are so strong, you should consider your strenghts now
First forays into the art world, exposing your thoughts to a possibly uncaring or critical public IS scary. But, as you say, you are driven, and at some point you WILL come to terms with it and just do it. Find some support in your circle of friends or relatives.
My husband is a visual artist -- his first shows made him extremely nervous. Having witnessed this, I understand the nature of your work -- it needs an audience. The nervousness/fear is part of the process and it gets easier as you gain experience and acceptance. You say you want to be seen and heard - and you will be, when you're ready. Keep working on your content, and once you are really satisfied, things will fall into place.
Btw. you write very well.
@nlighten :: You have a very good point. I never thought of it that way. Without a sense of self, there is no fear; how can there be a sense of self-preservation if there is no self?
There was a time when I was practicing Tonglen and White Tara meditation regularly and understood this much more clearly than I do now, but I found this quote by Pema Chodron that I think explains it well.
Pema Chodron said, "In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves." She writes that in Tibetan Buddhism there is a practice called tonglen, which is a kind of meditation practice for helping us connect to our own suffering and the suffering of others.
"Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure and, in the process, we become liberated from a very ancient prison of selfishness. We begin to feel love both for ourselves and others and also we begin to take care of ourselves and others. It awakens our compassion and it also introduces us to a far larger view of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness that Buddhists call shunyata. By doing the practice, we begin to connect with the open dimension of our being."