I went to a new sangha tonight

AMH

It is break and I wanted to try a lot of things. It is a group related to Dharma Punx (Noah Levine), there are a few groups in the area. I could attend some type of meditation every single night here in Denver.

So the meditation was very nice, a great silent 30 minutes. Then we had a talk and some sharing. I am not sure what is quite bothering me (maybe just ego) but everyone was nice and it was a good talk about the vissicitudes (I know I spelled that wrong). I even talked some in the discussion which is great for the first visit. I can say that being shy was another lifetime for me now.

Okay the guy giving the talk was well studied and he had a very good energy to be all new agey about it. He also mentioned he used to be a huge body builder and that was part of his changes was to go from the angry, defensive guy at the gym to where he is now. It seems like he went from totally focusing on one thing to switching 5 years ago and now he is at the front of the group by totally focusing on Buddhism. Meanwhile I am not sure how I feel, and I am pretty sure it is not ego, it is just that I feel I have something compelling to say and it is based on not being able to turn my life over to Buddhist study but instead having to/and getting the blessing of, being mindful in the middle of it all. I have never been on retreat, I avoided reading for years in favor of meditation and bringing mindfullness into every moment. In teh discussion it became obvious that I had the most years, the longest besides me was maybe 7 years and I am at 25. I am not always great about practice but I know that there are shifts over time and I feel many of them as I listen to people who are still relatively new.

Meanwhile I pretty much post here about spending a lot of time at the dentist's office but I am reading the Thich Nhat Hanh book, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, and trying to remember things. I struggle to memorize and things don't stay 'in order' often.

I will go back when I can,

Lady_Alison

I think you're okay. You're sort of a spiritual mutt...and quite open hearted... just do baby steps. You're not expected to master everything in one year...you sound like me...I'm introverted with a very well developed extroverted side...I plunge into discussions all the time, even when I don't understand and ask questions.

AMH

Hmm, I see that not mastering in a year, but I have been focused on spiritual above most everything but my family for 25 years. I am not anywhere near that person I was all those years ago. And I feel things in my life are encouraging me to stand out and speak up now.

Maybe continuing with this group will open up an opportunity.

Cinorjer

Are you up to answering a question?

If you could change one thing about your practice right now, what would it be? Find a sangha that you click with? Find a Teacher to guide your meditation? Meditate better, or more often?

Just curious.

AMH

Hmm, good question. I would know the stuff of it better. I would always add meditate more often since I am a single mom and nothing happens regularily. I don't really trust I will find the right teacher now. So I would just want to remember all the basic 'stuff' of it.

Tosh

Ann, you strike me as an intellectual type; there's a good online course ran by the Jamyang Centre called the Foundation of Buddhist Thought Course:

http://www.buddhistthought.org/

I've done a year of the two year course (I'm taking a break because I'm extremely busy with A.A., family, and work) and I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a structured introduction to Buddhism.

The course is broken down into four month modules: the first year comprises of:

1. The Four Noble Truths
2. The Two Truths
3. Buddhist Psychology

The 2nd year is:

1. Boddhichitta
2. Emptiness
3. An introduction to Tantra and Tantric Paths

We use Geshi Tashi's books, but he refers to many others, such as What the Buddha Taught by Rahula Walpole (from memory). Each week we complete a set amount of work from the books, answer questions, and share our experience on-line in a forum like this one, comprising only of the students. Students range from those fairly new to Buddhism, to those who've been Buddhists for years.

I think it'd be your cup of tea; but no problem if it's not, but it has filled in a lot of gaps for me.

AMH

Thank you Tosh, that does look good. I like knowing there are others who have been in Buddhism for years as well as new people.

genkaku

Funny, the mental head-butting that goes on between being "a lone wolf" and a "group hugger," between the usefulness of a (limiting) group and the sense of yes-that's-cozy-but-it's-not-quite-me.

I guess everyone works this out in their own way in their own time. A lone wolf is lonely, a groupie has-company-but....

Once upon a time there used to be a morning service chant at a Zen center I attended that went something like this:

Dwell!
You are the Light itself
Rely on yourself
Do not rely on others.
The Dharma is the Light
Rely on the Dharma
(You are the light of the Dharma)
Do not rely on anything other than the Dharma.

Being the light of the Dharma may be very reassuring to those who have taken up a practice based on their own uncertainties, their own sorrow, their own sense of unsatisfactoriness. It's always good to hear good news. But there is a responsibility that goes with being "the light of the Dharma" and not relying on others: That responsibility is to actualize what is verbalized as true ... the "Buddha" the "Dharma" the "Sangha" the "light." It may be easy to believe or hope, but to actualize...?


Well I guess everyone works this out in their own way in their own time.

Just noodling.

AMH

ahh 'lone wolf' describes a lot in my life.

In fact I was thinking about this as I went to the gym to run (the wind is insane in Denver, not helping those wildfires). I realized that I would not exercise with a group most likely. I don't take classes or join teams, I just do it.

It may be a challenge for me to get out of my alone status and into this group thing a little more. Hmmm