Having your intelligence insulted.

DaftChris

I would like to think I'm astoundingly smart, but I'm probably just slightly above average at very best. I'm also very right-brained. I love and excel in art, history, literature and social sciences; while I'm average at best in things like math and science.

In Biology, I was asking my classmates what their opinion was on the legitimacy of Quantum mechanics and psychics. One of the guys (who is really good at science and is really full of himself in such) looked at me and said:

"Not to sound sarcastic, but your interested in Quantum Physics and your average in this class is what?"

My average in the class as of now is 76 and I can easily bring it up to a B, but still a completely condescending and unnecessary comment. I also didn't say I wanted to get a PhD in Theoretical Physics, but that a certain aspect of such (Quantum) interested me.

When were instances in which your intelligence was insulted?

Dakini

*aarrghhh* The world is full of arrogant jerks. It's good practice to let the resentment go, but it's not easy. Some people recommend having a ready supply of snappy comebacks. "How kind of you!" or "Is everyone in this class so rude?" idk. Let's see what others say.

We're all interested in Quantum Physics. Who isn't? Maybe you could find some friendlier sorts in the class to discuss it with. And who knows, maybe this Biology student used that comment to hide the fact that he couldn't answer your question! Maybe he felt outdone by you! (It happens. Some people use attack mode to hide their own ignorance.) Who gets so ego-involved about a basic biology class? :rolleyes:

*sigh* Life. People. Ego. Choose your lab partners carefully. We're here for you.

patbb

Maybe take it for what it is, your ego got you to suffer.

there is an opportunity to grow from this.


think about why this comment offended you.

i think there are many interesting reflections to be had no?

if a random dude from a country in asia you never heard of, made fun of you for not having something that they find important but you never herd of it, would you be offended?

dude: "HAHA! you don't even have a gfdfgdsahujkew!!!"
that wouldn't bother you the least.
dude: "HAHA! you don't even have a A grade!!"
that bother you.

DaftChris

@patbb

It didn't offend me, as much as it greatly annoyed me. One does not need an innate knowledge of something to have an interest in it. It's just sad that he doesn't realize that.

Let's use a real life example for me: Buddhism.

For a long time I knew almost nothing about it, but now my knowledge of it is growing and is steadily becoming a part of my life.

Regardless, what he said was a stab at my intelligence and was greatly unnecessary.

Dandelion

I was every science and maths teachers worst nightmare. And, they were mine
I had an English teacher tell me I was 'thick, dumb and stupid', and a history teacher tell me 'I would never amount to anything in life or get anywhere in life'. I wasn't one of the trouble makers at school either, I kept to myself. Well, I've done ok. For someone that was thick dumb stupid and never going to get anywhere, anyway lol. I got into a good university, got my degree.. it's not earning me a whole lot of money, but I'm happy. Enjoying the ride. Don't ever let someone's nasty comments stop you from learning, or make you feel afraid to ask questions. Personally, this person sounds a tad jealous of you. When someone is happy with themselves, they don't really have a need to make another person feel like crap. I do think that out right rudeness is easier to deal with though, it's when ppl start using more 'subversive' tactics that things get a little harder to navigate through.. at least when someone is so blatantly rude, well, it's there on a plate for you to see clearly.

Dakini

I can't believe teachers would talk that way, @Dandelion! Shocking! Where are parents and principal in this picture? Well, you did ok, but still...these are teachers with bad attitudes.

Zero

I'm leaning towards @patb - I point to your 'a stab at my intelligence' as well as 'having your intelligence insulted'

A saying I like is, "I am clever enough to know I know nothing!!"

Does this mean that you hold your intelligence in high regard? or at least in moderate regard?

Really explore why it annoyed you?

Was it really sad that he didnt realise? If something is a sad situation do you also become personally annoyed at that person?

How does anger work for you? what is anger? what does it bring to your life?

He does however have a point... you may not realise that you annoy him also with your ways - that may elicit an extreme response from him too... this then leads to conflict.

We're talking about sciences also - this chap is good at sciences however he does not sound very socially well adjusted - his statement may even be put into the 'socially awkward' category - this type of behaviour may appear on an autistic spectrum - this will mean that the guy probably does not intend the negative effect of the comment - he is just unable to determine what is and what is not a socially acceptable interaction - maybe...

Just things to think about that may occupy your time, take away the frustration of being annoyed and perhaps allow you to laugh it off...

AMH

I would make sense of it as bad manners, regardless of intelligence or anything that is simply a rude comment. In those cases honestly I have learned that no matter how many people are listening it shows more about the speaker and the general audience comes away with an image of the speaker, yet rarely do people recall what was said about you. Don't know if that helps

Back many eons ago the teachers didn't know what to do with me. I was well behaved but very independant. I dropped out of GT because it bored me. Then in high school I started to 'dress myself'. I sat in Jr math classes and after working a couple lessons ahead I would bring needlepoint and wear all black. In Sr year I had full blown combat boots, a cute bob haircut while shaved bald underneath, all black head to toe. I had my physics teacher hand back my 100% paper and just shake his head, he said he didn't understand how someone who looked like me could get that grade. He was really a nice teacher,

Sorry to wander off with this

Lookingformyway

The last time my intelligence was insulted was by a professor at Uni, while taking an African politics reformation course. Long story short, I won, class laughed.

If anyone insults your intelligence, ever, either let them believe what they wish, or prove them wrong.

Invincible_summer

The last time my intelligence was insulted was by a professor at Uni, while taking an African politics reformation course. Long story short, I won, class laughed.

If anyone insults your intelligence, ever, either let them believe what they wish, or prove them wrong.

Even though I definitely get where you're coming from, from a Buddhist perspective, "proving them wrong" in this context is basically defending your constructed ego-self, a form of clinging.

Sabre

I don't let anybody insulted me.. I don't allow them to.

To be insulted is not something somebody else does, but something you allow them to do. Maybe what I'm trying to say becomes clearer when you compare it to being complimented. Often when somebody gives us a compliment, we don't accept it. Maybe we foolishly think we are not worthy of it. And if we don't accept it, it doesn't arrive and so in effect we are not complimented. The same happens with being insulted, exept it's opposite; we accept the insult instead of ignoring it.

But you can change this around by some of the practices already mentioned by others.

With metta,
Sabre

Cinorjer

Rude people abound. My company had to fire someone who was brilliant at fixing computer problems but didn't know how to interact with people. Your fellow student is immature enough to think he's special and the normal rules of social politeness don't apply to him and will be overlooked because of his genius. Everyone from his parents to his teachers so far probably reinforced this and he's been in a sheltered environment.

He has a rude awakening in his future. For every job and position requiring advanced knowledge, there are thousands of extremely smart people who also have the skills to talk to people. He's not near as special as he believes right now. \

I tried my best to explain to the poor guy that got fired what his problem was before people just couldn't take the rudeness anymore, but he never could admit it was his fault. So when you deal with someone like your fellow rude student, allow compassion for a flawed human being to guide you.

Oh, and if he insults you again or even worse, you observe him doing it to someone else, ask him if he's aware of how rude he is, and ask him if he thinks his intelligence means he can get by with behavior like that. He won't change unless people point out what he's doing wrong. Then see what he does.

BonsaiDoug

To be insulted is not something somebody else does, but something you allow them to do.

Perfect! What others do is their karma. How you react is your karma.

Lookingformyway

Even though I definitely get where you're coming from, from a Buddhist perspective, "proving them wrong" in this context is basically defending your constructed ego-self, a form of clinging.

Thanks Summer, I never thought of it in this perspective before!!

lamaramadingdong

What do they call the person that graduates at the bottom of their medical school class?








Doctor.

Dakini

What do they call the person that graduates at the bottom of their medical school class?

Doctor.

This would explain a lot about our med system and my experience with docs.

But...what do they call the rest of them? The ones that graduate at the top, and in the middle?

andyrobyn

Even though I definitely get where you're coming from, from a Buddhist perspective, "proving them wrong" in this context is basically defending your constructed ego-self, a form of clinging.

Thanks Summer, I never thought of it in this perspective before!!

I find it is often useful to take it right back to this foundation point. Kinda like the understanding in the phrase "don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff ". We can easily get so caught up in looking at one tree that we fail to even see the whole forrest around us.

andyrobyn

It is always worth reflecting on what is said to us though.
As for medical doctors, I have worked alongside them for about 30 years, as a nurse, and their education, the work heirachy and demands certainly creates a tendency towards the development of the type of attitude discussed here.

vinlyn

When I was a school principal I was often critiqued by people...teachers, students, parents, other administrators. I tried to be mindful of the compliment or insult...keeping in mind what I thought of the personal giving it. There were times an insult would have cut very deep, but other times I had no respect for the person giving it, and it wouldn't bother me in the least.

But as you said, Andyrobyn, it is always worth reflecting on a critique. We just might learn something.

Invincible_summer

It is always worth reflecting on what is said to us though.
As for medical doctors, I have worked alongside them for about 30 years, as a nurse, and their education, the work heirachy and demands certainly creates a tendency towards the development of the type of attitude discussed here.

But as you said, Andyrobyn, it is always worth reflecting on a critique. We just might learn something.

Indeed. I agree with this.

There's a fine line - a Middle Path even - between accepting compliments and inflating the ego, deflecting criticism and defending the ego, and taking both compliments and insults and learning how we are affecting the world around us, so we can become more skillful and compassionate.