Breakthrough

chanratt

Something occurred to me today. Well, the realization has been building up the last few weeks, but since I started meditating I have been waiting to have an experience. That's what's been holding me back. I had a really cool experience years ago where my body dropped away and I was just this empty space, at total peace....quite mind-blowing really. This is the kind of shit I paid for in my early 20's! But I have been waiting for a repeat of this ever since. Of course I didn't tell myself that, but deep down this is what my ego wanted. Even in meditation I was still trying to escape.

But that isn't the only realization...the main one has been coming for sometime, that I'm actually way more anxious than I ever thought. I had fooled myself into thinking I was some real laid back guy...I am about some things...but now I see it clear as day on and off the cushion. I can trace most of my problems to anxiety. Too many to mention here! So now, instead of trying to get away from that feeling in meditation, I sit with it and feel it in my stomach, rising up to my throat, coursing through my chest and shoulders. So I just sit and watch the anxiety. That's it really. I regard this personally as quite a breakthrough for me.

Jeffrey

That's awesome! I sat for so many years just liking how it made me less upset and spinning out in storylines as Pema Chodron calls it. My own word would be contentment. Since then both this year and last in January I think I had a jhana. Your experience of space sounds like what my lama teaches. She always says to link out into space.

Anyways, it's good to hear of your breakthrough.

ozen

Awesome, Chanratt.

genkaku

Always nice to hear when someone steps away from escape-valve Buddhism.

Thumbs up!

how

What a great post. Chanratt!
Thanks for sharing it.

skullchin

Wow, that does sound like a breakthrough! Congratulations!

taiyaki

http://www.joantollifson.com/writing7.html

chanratt

http://www.joantollifson.com/writing7.html

Excellent article thank you!

chanratt

http://www.joantollifson.com/writing7.html

I love discovering new teachers. I am going to check out her site.

RichardH

So now, instead of trying to get away from that feeling in meditation, I sit with it and feel it in my stomach, rising up to my throat, coursing through my chest and shoulders. So I just sit and watch the anxiety. That's it really. I regard this personally as quite a breakthrough for me.

That sounds really good. The actual state of body and mind... as is... just that.

I remember reading Ajahn Sumedho's little book about the 4NT and being really impacted by his description of Bhava Tanha and Vibhava Tanha . They are Pali terms for wanting to get, or wanting to get rid-of a state of being. A state of being is the totality of where you are at any given moment. Wanting to get a state of being (peace for instance) or get rid of a state of being( anxiety for instance) are to sides of one wanting.. seeing that wanting gives way to just being.. as is. That is a taste of the Third noble truth.

DairyLama

I remember reading Ajahn Sumedho's little book about the 4NT and being really impacted by his description of Bhava Tanha and Vibhava Tanha

Yes, he developed this theme in a book called "The way it is", an encouragement to just accept the way things actually are at a given moment.

Floating_Abu

Something occurred to me today. Well, the realization has been building up the last few weeks, but since I started meditating I have been waiting to have an experience. That's what's been holding me back. I had a really cool experience years ago where my body dropped away and I was just this empty space, at total peace....quite mind-blowing really. This is the kind of shit I paid for in my early 20's! But I have been waiting for a repeat of this ever since. Of course I didn't tell myself that, but deep down this is what my ego wanted. Even in meditation I was still trying to escape.

But that isn't the only realization...the main one has been coming for sometime, that I'm actually way more anxious than I ever thought. I had fooled myself into thinking I was some real laid back guy...I am about some things...but now I see it clear as day on and off the cushion. I can trace most of my problems to anxiety. Too many to mention here! So now, instead of trying to get away from that feeling in meditation, I sit with it and feel it in my stomach, rising up to my throat, coursing through my chest and shoulders. So I just sit and watch the anxiety. That's it really. I regard this personally as quite a breakthrough for me.

Good stuff.

taiyaki

Practice is not about having nice feelings, happy feelings. It's not about changing, or getting somewhere. That in itself is the basic fallacy. But observing this desire begins to clarify it. We begin to comprehend that our frantic desire to get better, to 'get somewhere,' is illusion itself, and the source of suffering. 





--Charlotte Joko Beck

RichardH

I remember reading Ajahn Sumedho's little book about the 4NT and being really impacted by his description of Bhava Tanha and Vibhava Tanha

Yes, he developed this theme in a book called "The way it is", an encouragement to just accept the way things actually are at a given moment.

Here in Canada we had the terrific example of Ajahn Viradhammo, who presented the Forest Sangha teachings in much the same way as Sumedho, and Sumedho was always a reference. I only met him in person just before he retired when he came here for a retreat and a couple of relaxed danas. He is a special person... really chastening and encouraging at the same time. ...the real deal.. humbling. But now he is retired.

His books are so accessible and are a great grounding for anyone in any tradition... especially for new folks who need to have the ABC's explained in day to day terms.