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Suffering for others?

LostLightLostLight Veteran
edited June 2012 in Diet & Habits
I have a habit of empathizing with people. It's to the point of me becoming very sad or happy for a person depending on the situation. I was wondering if this type of empathy is bad. Is emotional suffering because of someone else's considered wrong?

Comments

  • pegembarapegembara Veteran
    No, it is not "wrong" to have empathy. But wouldn't it be better to realise the cause for the suffering for oneself and in turn help others to end theirs?
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    We try our best. The tears rip our hearts apart and the joy builds our hearts up.

    If you notice closely the heart is both tender and open.

    And in some sense life is about learning to live from there. Then we can share with others.

    Empathy is always a wonderful thing.
  • AMHAMH
    I struggle with this, I get empathetic but then I can get over-involved. That is about finding balance.

    I could say much more however when it gets overwhelming I surround myself with a soft light in a pink or rose color. Then I feel a little more 'protected' but still compassionate.
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    Compassion and wisdom should be developed together; two wings of a bird 'n' all that. Pema Chodron speaks about this and she says it's common for one or the other to get out of step with each other. Compassion for others can cause us suffering, but the wisdom element should help to see the emptiness of the suffering.

    If compassion gets developed too much out of step with wisdom, then suffering happens, and if the wisdom element gets developed too much and out of step with compassion, then dispassion happens.

    From a personal point of view I can go either way depending on the circumstances.
  • SabreSabre Veteran
    edited June 2012
    What Tosh says.

    It is normal for emotions to arise out of empathy. They can even be very strong, but we should try to be able to handle them so we don't suffer ourselves.

    Compassion requires us to recognize the suffering in others in ourselves. If we are not stable enough yet to face this suffering, we will become sad and it can drag us along. Therefore we should develop a good base of equinimity along with compassion and empathy. A practice of metta can also help if you can see it apart from compassion.

    Metta!
  • PrairieGhostPrairieGhost Veteran
    Sabre
    If we are not stable enough yet to face this suffering, we will become sad and it can drag us along.
    Yes. It's knowing deep down that we are safe, that allows us to risk everything for others.
  • ozenozen
    Empathy is always a wonderful thing.
    No, it's not wonderful to feel with someone who is in great pain. At least I hope it's not. And there are many situations where empathy needs to be overridden in order to help others without being emotionally disturbed, such as when helping the emotionally disturbed.

    If the feeling that empathy bring last an inappropriate amount of time then the problem may not be empathy itself. If that's the case I would think any emotional response would last an inappropriate amount of time regardless of it originated.
  • PrairieGhostPrairieGhost Veteran
    edited June 2012
    ozen
    And there are many situations where empathy needs to be overridden in order to help others without being emotionally disturbed, such as when helping the emotionally disturbed.
    That's perhaps true in our society as it is, but also a compromise based on the fact that most mental health workers aren't buddhas and don't have the capacity to do their jobs without putting up barriers.

    It's also a common complaint of the anti-psychiatry movement, and possibly one reason why ritalin and prozac have replaced the talking cure. Patients in the anti-psychiatry movement complain that the very sense that empathy is being overridden and they are being objectified by staff is extremely damaging, deliberately avoiding a troubled mind's best chance to connect on an emotional level.

    But it also depends what you mean by empathy. Empathy doesn't mean we get lost in another person's suffering; doing so would reflect issues of our own. What it means is that we are open to understanding how someone else feels, and that we do not fear that understanding, even if we are talking to a victim of abuse or torture.

    In that case, there could be no question of empathy causing us to become emotionally disturbed ourselves, as if empathising would in some way cause someone's suffering to 'rub off' on us. The belief that it would, and that there is any refuge in avoidance, is what keeps us from reaching out to those in need.





  • PHennings12PHennings12
    No it is not exactly. While the extreme emotions are a problem for you and yes that is suffering, at the same time the use of those emotions aren't. By you giving empathy to others is a sign of compassion it should also be a warning for you not to give too much emotion. What you must do is learn to give what can be given and keep everything in moderation. You have the right idea on how to use your emotions. Now you need to control the amount.
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