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Finding a local sangha, and being wary
Hi, everyone. Here goes my first post. 
As I've been doing a lot of reading on Buddhism, I really feel that it's time to find a sangha. I've been searching around on the internet for sanghas, reading up on each of them, and comparing/contrasting (I'm looking in the greater St. Louis area, on the off chance that someone else is from the area and has any insight).
One problem is that I'm not sure which school is the best fit. From a very cursory research of the different schools, I am interested in Zen because of the emphasis on practice and relationships with teachers, which appeals to me, although I could be missing some important aspects because of the brevity of my research at this point. Really, I am not attached to any specific school and would be happy at any sangha that has a positive environment and fosters my personal growth, regardless of school.
Still, there are at least two Zen sanghas in my area, and when looking into them on the internet, one seemed very warm and welcoming, and the other seemed... less so. The latter had a required membership fee to be paid monthly, which at once makes me wary, and as a student the fee would have been a sizable amount for me. The former had a recommended donation, which seemed a lot more reasonable to me. The two amounts were roughly the same, but the first being obligatory was a turn off for me.
Which leads me to this aspect of wariness. I know that in the West Buddhism can often hold a certain "mystique" for people, perhaps especially Zen, and that is what attracts many people to it. Another aspect is that some people have used this as a way to use Buddhism for money. I want to avoid both of these aspects, so that is why I am wary when reading websites, especially when money is attached. I recognize that sanghas rely on members and the community to meet their financial needs, but it seems that charging obligatory membership fees goes a bit too far. Am I right to be wary?
To wrap it up: does anyone have any advice how to navigate the search for a sangha? I'd also really love to hear any personal anecdotes about how you may have found your current sangha, and how you knew it was a good fit for you.
And on the topic of money, I mentioned I was a student. I probably wouldn't be able to comfortably pay even the recommended donation I mentioned. I am assuming that the idea of recommend donation is to enable people to pay what they are able, but how much less is acceptable? If I were in the position I would definitely pay in full, or even more, but unfortunately that's not possible.
Thanks!
As I've been doing a lot of reading on Buddhism, I really feel that it's time to find a sangha. I've been searching around on the internet for sanghas, reading up on each of them, and comparing/contrasting (I'm looking in the greater St. Louis area, on the off chance that someone else is from the area and has any insight).
One problem is that I'm not sure which school is the best fit. From a very cursory research of the different schools, I am interested in Zen because of the emphasis on practice and relationships with teachers, which appeals to me, although I could be missing some important aspects because of the brevity of my research at this point. Really, I am not attached to any specific school and would be happy at any sangha that has a positive environment and fosters my personal growth, regardless of school.
Still, there are at least two Zen sanghas in my area, and when looking into them on the internet, one seemed very warm and welcoming, and the other seemed... less so. The latter had a required membership fee to be paid monthly, which at once makes me wary, and as a student the fee would have been a sizable amount for me. The former had a recommended donation, which seemed a lot more reasonable to me. The two amounts were roughly the same, but the first being obligatory was a turn off for me.
Which leads me to this aspect of wariness. I know that in the West Buddhism can often hold a certain "mystique" for people, perhaps especially Zen, and that is what attracts many people to it. Another aspect is that some people have used this as a way to use Buddhism for money. I want to avoid both of these aspects, so that is why I am wary when reading websites, especially when money is attached. I recognize that sanghas rely on members and the community to meet their financial needs, but it seems that charging obligatory membership fees goes a bit too far. Am I right to be wary?
To wrap it up: does anyone have any advice how to navigate the search for a sangha? I'd also really love to hear any personal anecdotes about how you may have found your current sangha, and how you knew it was a good fit for you.
And on the topic of money, I mentioned I was a student. I probably wouldn't be able to comfortably pay even the recommended donation I mentioned. I am assuming that the idea of recommend donation is to enable people to pay what they are able, but how much less is acceptable? If I were in the position I would definitely pay in full, or even more, but unfortunately that's not possible.
Thanks!
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Comments
I found out that the ony Zen Center near me that charges a membership fee was somehow involved in a bit of a scandal in western Zen centers. I don't know the details, but my gut told me it was best to avoid it.
I haven't found a sangha yet, so I don't know, but don't dismiss your gut feeling when it comes to this stuff. Sure, it might be wrong but it's always worth investigation
Nice to meet you, and best of luck in your search
Does the one that charges let you visit a few times before paying the membership fee? If not, I'd stay away.
Plus, the welcoming aspect should also tell you a lot.
I guess in a way, we're asking a lot for most teachings to be free - other disciplines (martial arts, art & dance classes, etc.) would charge right up front and we wouldn't think twice. So I guess the thing you experienced shouldn't bother me, but I haven't seen that before at a dharma center, so it does raise my eyebrows.
If you can't afford what is asked, talk to someone and see if something less would be acceptable. Most often it is.
Don't lay all your hopeful bets down on the first center you encounter. Keep in mind that if you can choose to go, you can equally easily choose to leave. Buddhism is for you, not for some ethereal la-la land. You choose to go. You choose to leave. You choose Buddhism. You don't choose Buddhism. This is YOUR life.... so to speak.
The productive part of what you are doing at the moment is exhibiting the willingness to step out of the world of theory and books and philosophy and dreams and into the world of experience ... the world in which Buddhism begins to flourish. But flourishing does not mean everything is always yummy-yummy. Figure out your take on money. Figure out your take on sangha members and/or the teacher, if there is one. If things seem to be about 80-90% positive for you, then make a commitment for, let's say, a month. Go for a month. Re-evaluate. If a center is 100% up your alley, avoid it like the plague. How can you expect to learn anything in a world full of agreement?
Take your time. Snoop the terrain. Make your decisions. Be willing to risk and fail and risk again. Try not to believe your first impressions ... or your second or third impressions either. Practice ... and see what happens.
Best wishes.
Generally, we advise people to attend different centers a few times each, and see where they feel most comfortable.
Such a beautiful place. I'm over a thousand miles away now. I have my eye on a center across the state here.. one day I'll get there.
Do research online about the centers that you're investigating. For example when I moved to the state I'm in now I thought it was so cool that I was going to be really close to a Buddhist center.
I found out I was very wrong and never stepped foot in that place, the center was of the New Kadampa Tradition.
Some very scary stuff I came across when researching them.
My advice.. as others have typed, don't just jump into something.. dip your toes in first.
The center I went to had free talks Sunday mornings. That is when I went because I too couldn't (still can't) afford much of anything.
I met a bunch of people and they were all very warm and welcoming.
I was sooo nervous when it came to meeting the founder of that center that instead of approaching him I went and sat next to an attractive gal and struck up conversation with her!
I never do that.. I must have been really nervous
Anyways.. he came over to me and it was an extremely amazing experience.
Best of luck! If I were in your position I would just be grateful that there are Buddhist places around you. There are none where I currently live (near by I mean).
Explore the terrain.
Around here, I built a small meditation hall (zendo) in the backyard and make it available to anyone who cares to practice. One day, some years back, a woman dressed me down for not having a donations box. I thought about it and then built one. In the ensuing weeks, she came back and at one point inserted a check for $100. I never cashed it. I had a job at the time and offered the place for free.
But sometimes free is not the best approach and so now, if anyone asks, which they seldom do, I say that no donations are accepted until someone has come at least three times. Since Zen practice is not terribly sexy, almost no one shows up three times, so I'm off the hook. But for those who prove seriously committed, I tell them to always make a donation at whatever temple or center they visit: Decide on an acceptable amount, something that fits with available money ... and then add one penny. Always! This is not for the good of the center or for the good of something called the Dharma ... it is for your own good. The money given asserts an inescapable equality among friends ... if you put out effort for me, I say "thank you" and our friendship is no longer burdened by some imagined debt.
It's no good sitting around imagining that the Dharma is a priceless gem ... far more important than money or electricity or food. That's just imaginative and largely destructive eyewash. It may be true, but it's still spiritual-hokum eyewash. We are friends in our practice -- attentive and respectful friends. I acknowledge your friendship and you acknowledge mine. When I can do something for you, I will. When I can't, I will freely admit it: Our friendship is worth that effort.
Just some noodling.
But seriously, people need to cover their costs and may ask for a donation, but IMO dharma shouldn't be seen as a business opportunity or a product to be sold for profit.
If you said, on the other hand, that there was one teacher wearing purple and blue robes and a lot of makeup who said she "didn't need a lineage," I'd warn you away in the absence of more evidence, again simply because I have experience with exactly that type of teacher, too.
And I imagine others here have 100x more experience than I, and in many other lineages.
Hope you find a great center!