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Finding a local sangha, and being wary

edited August 2012 in Sanghas
Hi, everyone. Here goes my first post. :)

As I've been doing a lot of reading on Buddhism, I really feel that it's time to find a sangha. I've been searching around on the internet for sanghas, reading up on each of them, and comparing/contrasting (I'm looking in the greater St. Louis area, on the off chance that someone else is from the area and has any insight).

One problem is that I'm not sure which school is the best fit. From a very cursory research of the different schools, I am interested in Zen because of the emphasis on practice and relationships with teachers, which appeals to me, although I could be missing some important aspects because of the brevity of my research at this point. Really, I am not attached to any specific school and would be happy at any sangha that has a positive environment and fosters my personal growth, regardless of school.

Still, there are at least two Zen sanghas in my area, and when looking into them on the internet, one seemed very warm and welcoming, and the other seemed... less so. The latter had a required membership fee to be paid monthly, which at once makes me wary, and as a student the fee would have been a sizable amount for me. The former had a recommended donation, which seemed a lot more reasonable to me. The two amounts were roughly the same, but the first being obligatory was a turn off for me.

Which leads me to this aspect of wariness. I know that in the West Buddhism can often hold a certain "mystique" for people, perhaps especially Zen, and that is what attracts many people to it. Another aspect is that some people have used this as a way to use Buddhism for money. I want to avoid both of these aspects, so that is why I am wary when reading websites, especially when money is attached. I recognize that sanghas rely on members and the community to meet their financial needs, but it seems that charging obligatory membership fees goes a bit too far. Am I right to be wary?

To wrap it up: does anyone have any advice how to navigate the search for a sangha? I'd also really love to hear any personal anecdotes about how you may have found your current sangha, and how you knew it was a good fit for you.

And on the topic of money, I mentioned I was a student. I probably wouldn't be able to comfortably pay even the recommended donation I mentioned. I am assuming that the idea of recommend donation is to enable people to pay what they are able, but how much less is acceptable? If I were in the position I would definitely pay in full, or even more, but unfortunately that's not possible.

Thanks!

Comments

  • I've also been wary of the places that have membership fees. Donations, yes, charge a couple of bucks for meditation lessons, yes, but I find membership fees put me off.

    I found out that the ony Zen Center near me that charges a membership fee was somehow involved in a bit of a scandal in western Zen centers. I don't know the details, but my gut told me it was best to avoid it.

    I haven't found a sangha yet, so I don't know, but don't dismiss your gut feeling when it comes to this stuff. Sure, it might be wrong but it's always worth investigation :)

    Nice to meet you, and best of luck in your search :)
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    edited August 2012
    This financial topic has come up before, and I think the general consensus was it depending on what the money went for. Personal profit? No. Supporting the center? Yes.

    Does the one that charges let you visit a few times before paying the membership fee? If not, I'd stay away.

    Plus, the welcoming aspect should also tell you a lot.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Other than what others already said, I'd say, ask to visit. Call and see if you can set up an appointment to see the place and maybe meet a teacher, and see how you feel. If you feel welcomed and encouraged and happy, then explore further. If you feel put off and skeeved out, then try somewhere else. Your gut instinct will help you know who to trust.
  • SileSile Veteran
    Hmm. The fact that money was mentioned at all, up front, is weird to me. My temple has a small donation box, nothing more. Money is never mentioned, except for our beloved summer courses with visiting teachers where we are very happy to support their travel and materials costs, etc.

    I guess in a way, we're asking a lot for most teachings to be free - other disciplines (martial arts, art & dance classes, etc.) would charge right up front and we wouldn't think twice. So I guess the thing you experienced shouldn't bother me, but I haven't seen that before at a dharma center, so it does raise my eyebrows.
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Also, it pays to be cautious about what you are perceiving. Sometimes if you feel put on the spot or unprepared for something, it's easy to perceive it differently. I know when I couldn't afford some things, I took offense in some statements where none was intended. For example I wanted to join a group several years ago (not Buddhist or religion related at all) and they encouraged membership of $20 a month to help defray costs. Well at the time I couldn't afford $20 a month, and I went to the person and complained about the requirement. After it was explained, I had to sheepishly admit that I took "we encourage you to do this" as "we require you to do this" and I was free to still participate even if I couldn't pay the $20. So be careful about what you perceive as a requirement, especially before talking to them about it. If they are strict in their membership requirement and tell you you cannot participate unless you can afford it, I'd find a different place. But you might also find that if you simply ask, they are more than willing to work with whatever you can afford, especially if you are only attending meditation groups/discussion groups.
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    @lorraine -- Welcome. Hope you find something useful here.

    If you can't afford what is asked, talk to someone and see if something less would be acceptable. Most often it is.

    Don't lay all your hopeful bets down on the first center you encounter. Keep in mind that if you can choose to go, you can equally easily choose to leave. Buddhism is for you, not for some ethereal la-la land. You choose to go. You choose to leave. You choose Buddhism. You don't choose Buddhism. This is YOUR life.... so to speak. :)

    The productive part of what you are doing at the moment is exhibiting the willingness to step out of the world of theory and books and philosophy and dreams and into the world of experience ... the world in which Buddhism begins to flourish. But flourishing does not mean everything is always yummy-yummy. Figure out your take on money. Figure out your take on sangha members and/or the teacher, if there is one. If things seem to be about 80-90% positive for you, then make a commitment for, let's say, a month. Go for a month. Re-evaluate. If a center is 100% up your alley, avoid it like the plague. How can you expect to learn anything in a world full of agreement?

    Take your time. Snoop the terrain. Make your decisions. Be willing to risk and fail and risk again. Try not to believe your first impressions ... or your second or third impressions either. Practice ... and see what happens.

    Best wishes.
  • SileSile Veteran
    @lorraine -- Welcome. Hope you find something useful here.

    If you can't afford what is asked, talk to someone and see if something less would be acceptable. Most often it is.

    Don't lay all your hopeful bets down on the first center you encounter. Keep in mind that if you can choose to go, you can equally easily choose to leave. Buddhism is for you, not for some ethereal la-la land. You choose to go. You choose to leave. You choose Buddhism. You don't choose Buddhism. This is YOUR life.... so to speak. :)

    The productive part of what you are doing at the moment is exhibiting the willingness to step out of the world of theory and books and philosophy and dreams and into the world of experience ... the world in which Buddhism begins to flourish. But flourishing does not mean everything is always yummy-yummy. Figure out your take on money. Figure out your take on sangha members and/or the teacher, if there is one. If things seem to be about 80-90% positive for you, then make a commitment for, let's say, a month. Go for a month. Re-evaluate. If a center is 100% up your alley, avoid it like the plague. How can you expect to learn anything in a world full of agreement?

    Take your time. Snoop the terrain. Make your decisions. Be willing to risk and fail and risk again. Try not to believe your first impressions ... or your second or third impressions either. Practice ... and see what happens.

    Best wishes.
    Excellent advice.

  • Didn't we have a Zen thread recently where someone posted signs to watch out for to tell whether the center is a cult or not? Like if the teacher puts down other students rudely, or doesn't allow questioning of teachings (it's a fundamental learning method, so that would be a red flag), if the teacher gets too personal with you in the private one-on-one student-teacher sessions, ... what else was on there? Suggestions, anyone?

    Generally, we advise people to attend different centers a few times each, and see where they feel most comfortable.
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    Generally, we advise people to attend different centers a few times each, and see where they feel most comfortable.
    Yes, and not to be pressured into any early commitments.
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited August 2012
    I found that the only way to find out is to go there and meet the people. As for required membership fees, it's not always inappropriate. Some small groups are able to subsist on donations, some aren't. For the ones who find they can't, they have membership fees. Money alone would not put me off personally because every group has bills to pay. The teachings are free, the cost the mortgage/rent for the meditation hall, water, lights, etc. usually aren't free. A group with fees is better than no group at all. However, If the fee is $50 a session, that would put me off :) If you can't afford it, just flat out tell the person that you would like to attend but you can't afford it and see what they say. As for the donation groups, usually the accepted minimum donation is $0.00. :) Even $1.00 would be acceptable in a "proper" group. Money should be a secondary concern IMO. The primary concern should be whether or not the group is supportive of your practice.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited August 2012
    I'd steer well clear of any group that mentions money up front. Asking for free will donations to run a center is one thing, but even that shouldn't be the top priority...
  • I was very fortunate when going to the first center I ever did.. a dear friend of mine is a Buddhist and a couple years ago before I even knew anything about Buddhism he introduced me to it via a book by the founder of that center and later when I asked him about where one can go to blah de blah he said ah go there and I went.

    Such a beautiful place. I'm over a thousand miles away now. I have my eye on a center across the state here.. one day I'll get there.


    Do research online about the centers that you're investigating. For example when I moved to the state I'm in now I thought it was so cool that I was going to be really close to a Buddhist center.

    I found out I was very wrong and never stepped foot in that place, the center was of the New Kadampa Tradition.

    Some very scary stuff I came across when researching them.

    My advice.. as others have typed, don't just jump into something.. dip your toes in first.

    The center I went to had free talks Sunday mornings. That is when I went because I too couldn't (still can't) afford much of anything.

    I met a bunch of people and they were all very warm and welcoming.

    I was sooo nervous when it came to meeting the founder of that center that instead of approaching him I went and sat next to an attractive gal and struck up conversation with her!

    I never do that.. I must have been really nervous ;)

    Anyways.. he came over to me and it was an extremely amazing experience.

    Best of luck! If I were in your position I would just be grateful that there are Buddhist places around you. There are none where I currently live (near by I mean).

    Explore the terrain.

    :D

  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    edited August 2012
    I'd steer well clear of any group that mentions money up front. Asking for free will donations to run a center is one thing, but even that shouldn't be the top priority...
    A "free will donation" or a "suggested donation" is most often like wrapping a bitter medicinal pill in hamburger for your ailing dog. Centers need to keep the lights on and put food on the table ... and that's true even when the front-(wo)man is looking to lead a high-falutin' and self-serving lifestyle.

    Around here, I built a small meditation hall (zendo) in the backyard and make it available to anyone who cares to practice. One day, some years back, a woman dressed me down for not having a donations box. I thought about it and then built one. In the ensuing weeks, she came back and at one point inserted a check for $100. I never cashed it. I had a job at the time and offered the place for free.

    But sometimes free is not the best approach and so now, if anyone asks, which they seldom do, I say that no donations are accepted until someone has come at least three times. Since Zen practice is not terribly sexy, almost no one shows up three times, so I'm off the hook. But for those who prove seriously committed, I tell them to always make a donation at whatever temple or center they visit: Decide on an acceptable amount, something that fits with available money ... and then add one penny. Always! This is not for the good of the center or for the good of something called the Dharma ... it is for your own good. The money given asserts an inescapable equality among friends ... if you put out effort for me, I say "thank you" and our friendship is no longer burdened by some imagined debt.

    It's no good sitting around imagining that the Dharma is a priceless gem ... far more important than money or electricity or food. That's just imaginative and largely destructive eyewash. It may be true, but it's still spiritual-hokum eyewash. We are friends in our practice -- attentive and respectful friends. I acknowledge your friendship and you acknowledge mine. When I can do something for you, I will. When I can't, I will freely admit it: Our friendship is worth that effort.

    Just some noodling.

  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran
    edited August 2012
    I'd steer well clear of any group that mentions money up front. ...
    Unless they say: "We don't want any money!" :p
    But seriously, people need to cover their costs and may ask for a donation, but IMO dharma shouldn't be seen as a business opportunity or a product to be sold for profit.
  • SileSile Veteran
    @lorraine, as you find out more about the centers in your area, maybe you can post your initial thoughts here--maybe we can help you identify the lineage, etc., and likelihood of it being mainstream versus not-so-much. Nothing wrong with the latter, necessarily, but if you said that you had a Gelug temple with two main teachers who had been requested by Lama Zopa Rinpoche (or some other well-known teacher) to teach there, I'd feel comfortable guessing it was a solid place, only because I've had much positive experience with that particular branch of Buddhism, and every place I've been that fits that description has been a good one.

    If you said, on the other hand, that there was one teacher wearing purple and blue robes and a lot of makeup who said she "didn't need a lineage," I'd warn you away in the absence of more evidence, again simply because I have experience with exactly that type of teacher, too.

    And I imagine others here have 100x more experience than I, and in many other lineages.

    Hope you find a great center!



  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    The best thing to do is go and see for your self and test out the teachings :)
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