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hiding emotions in work environment
evolve
Explorer
last week my girlfriend made a mistake at work and her boss yelled at her. in her office there's maybe 10 people and it was over the phone that he yelled. she didn't expect it and she cried a little, and it wasn't super obvious just like sniffles. then a few office friends comforted her and by the end of the week she made up with her boss, but then her other boss today was talking to her about her crying in the office and said it wasn't the place to cry and that she outta take personal moments like that, outside. he wasn't being bossy, but just maybe suggesting? for some reason it made me feel weird, like he was telling her to not be around the office crew when she felt an emotion like that, but to take it outside. Hmmm... I'm trying to understand. I don't like feeling like someone can't express a certain harmless emotion in an environment where they're in 40 + hours a week. hmmm I can see maybe "taking it outside" if it was anger, but like tears? what?? that's just sad to tell someone that
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As a guy that's probably natural advice. If I cried I would not want my coworkers to see.
The "boss" has the right to expect an employee to do their job professionally, to not upset the appropriate work environment, and to not make customers/clients uncomfortable.
The "employee" has the right to expect and employer to handle situations like this in a professional manner.
I recall a time I had to have a post-observation conference with one of my teachers (I was the principal). It had been a very bad lesson, not just in terms of technique, but the teacher also taught significantly incorrect science. The conference was upsetting to teacher...which always happens when you tell a teacher the content was wrong. During her next class she was subtly but clearly crying. I had to send her home for the rest of day. She was upsetting the children.
No good situation.
She may also need, if I may say so - to 'toughen up' a bit.
Not everything she will take personally - will be personal.
However some jobs we really put our heart out there so we are already softies. So working with kids I think it is more acceptable to tear up now and then (okay they show us as staff these heartfelt slide shows about how important the work we do is, including some story about a teacher who made the ultimate difference in the life of an abused child, and then get us emotional, I have started avoiding them) but not in front of kids unless you stub your toe or something.
1 boss, 100 workers - boss shouts at 1 worker, 99 stay quiet - boss shouts at 1 worker, 100 sympathisers shout back, the boss has issues.
Take your tears outside as noone should reflect on them too long... it's unprofessional.
It doesn't matter what position you're in, unless you're a MC drill instructor where everyone is equally worthless, yelling is generally unacceptable. Ok, it does work, but it depends on the mistake. Was it something serious, or what? I don't know, but the lengths the management went to after the incident does make me raise an eyebrow.
I call foul play. Was it necessary to upset the worker? probably not.
So long story short, I used to think I was crazy, but then I read this article:How to Cry at Work from Autostraddle, which is based off of this article: The Art and Science of Crying at Work from Jezebel, and like the author, felt similarly relieved to find that I'm not alone.
Your girlfriend might be interested in reading those articles... But as an interesting side note, they recommend "getting some air" like her boss recommended. My guess is that her boss wasn't trying to criticize her for crying, but was rather criticizing the public nature of it (being in the office vs. leaving) because he might have seen it as her trying to turn some employees against management. In most cases, if someone starts crying, the person who forced the other person to do such a thing ends up looking like an ass. I think the boss was probably just aware of that and trying to keep everything between the employees and management running smoothly.
Edit: I should mention that I'm not trying to excuse the boss' behavior. But even bosses make mistakes. I just hope that this was an isolated event and not typical behavior on the boss' part.
I really liked this bit from the Autostraddle article: "Still, what's often seemed odd to me is that we are expected to wholeheartedly throw ourselves into our work, yet express no reaction when such work is not going well. We're expected to pretend that our jobs are our highest priority, but that accidentally blowing thousands of dollars, losing big clients, dealing with assholes, being repeatedly told we're doing something wrong or spilling our third latte in a row doesn't bother us one bit. If someone is expected to stare stoney faced while being yelled at, does that mean they're employed merely as a punching bag? Why must we be judged by an involuntary reaction of the sympathetic nervous system?"
It kind of sums up my feelings on crying at work. Sometimes it just happens, so learn to deal with it. Emotional responses are hard to deal with when they're so overwhelming. I almost cried when I got pulled over the other night even though the cop was super nice and didn't even give me a ticket.
+When I found out Whitney Houston had died
+While watching "The Vow" in theaters
+While watching the trailer for Titanic in 3D during the previews before "The Vow"
+When "Someone Like You" came on the radio on Valentine's Day
+When "Riding Solo" came on the radio on Valentine's Day
+When I tried to start my financial aid forms
+When I got rejected from Iowa University (even though I don't want to go there)
+When I missed yoga "
LOL, the thing is, it makes me happy to see that I'm not alone. sometimes I don't cry when it's a situation where I likely would cry, but then other times it takes something so TINY to make me cry. Like a commercial?? but I think it's healthy to cry, it really does help to relieve stress sometimes