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Introduction
LostSoul
Veteran
Hello everyone. I usually shy away from the introduction stuff, but I figure I should introduce myself here as you guys seem like a nice bunch of guys and gals.
I've been trying to meditate more, and be more mindful of my actions. After "trying out" buddhism quite a few times, I seem to always come back to it. This time, I'm committed to taking it slower and not taking the fast lane to nirvana - traffics really high there, seems to be a little faster just taking it slower
On myself, I'm a pretty odd person. When I was little, my parents were largely Pagan/Wiccan and were very accepting of all belief systems. My Dad was against Christianity a lot, but I never had any interest in that religion as it didn't seem very worthwile from an outsiders perspective. So, I started off being Wiccan, a nice little kid caring and all that stuff. I met a pretty "dark" Pagan fellow in high school/middle school, and I tried to urge him not to look at the dark side of everything. During all my high school time, I started to see his side of things, and realized things weren't always bad on that side. Vengeance is a wonderful feeling. I then started to really start to get a lot darker myself, and then found Laveyan Satanism. More of a pleasure based religion, and not so supernatural. I was really depressed during this time, and this really shook me out of it. I felt like I had so much power to be my own person, and not to follow what everyone else told me to do, in that essence it was more Atheism with the "image" of Satan in order to give me strength.
I also started to really become doubtful of all the supernatural stuff, and looking back at it I'm convinced it was more a bunch of mind games on myself and not so much "magic". I found out that I can get everything I want, by just putting my foot out and doing it myself, and not relying on a bunch of psychological affirmations/convincing.
Soon after, I met the love of my life, and that really sparked a lot of compassion and feelings in me I hadn't really felt in a while. I soon started to get confused, because that was at odds with how I previously was, and felt like I was going crazy for a good year.
After all that, I dropped all religious connections, found a well paying job, and have been making some good money for me and my fiance and saving up for all the wonderful things we want.
And now, here I am, a few years after that, and am confused again. My mind seems to be out of control, I can't contain it because I haven't really "had to" in a while. I have a lot of anger problems, and some depression issues as well.
So, now I'm just trying to be more mindful, and meditate. It seems to help a lot.
Sorry for the long post. I'm usually so closed in, and hopefully nobody takes all this the wrong way!
I've been trying to meditate more, and be more mindful of my actions. After "trying out" buddhism quite a few times, I seem to always come back to it. This time, I'm committed to taking it slower and not taking the fast lane to nirvana - traffics really high there, seems to be a little faster just taking it slower
On myself, I'm a pretty odd person. When I was little, my parents were largely Pagan/Wiccan and were very accepting of all belief systems. My Dad was against Christianity a lot, but I never had any interest in that religion as it didn't seem very worthwile from an outsiders perspective. So, I started off being Wiccan, a nice little kid caring and all that stuff. I met a pretty "dark" Pagan fellow in high school/middle school, and I tried to urge him not to look at the dark side of everything. During all my high school time, I started to see his side of things, and realized things weren't always bad on that side. Vengeance is a wonderful feeling. I then started to really start to get a lot darker myself, and then found Laveyan Satanism. More of a pleasure based religion, and not so supernatural. I was really depressed during this time, and this really shook me out of it. I felt like I had so much power to be my own person, and not to follow what everyone else told me to do, in that essence it was more Atheism with the "image" of Satan in order to give me strength.
I also started to really become doubtful of all the supernatural stuff, and looking back at it I'm convinced it was more a bunch of mind games on myself and not so much "magic". I found out that I can get everything I want, by just putting my foot out and doing it myself, and not relying on a bunch of psychological affirmations/convincing.
Soon after, I met the love of my life, and that really sparked a lot of compassion and feelings in me I hadn't really felt in a while. I soon started to get confused, because that was at odds with how I previously was, and felt like I was going crazy for a good year.
After all that, I dropped all religious connections, found a well paying job, and have been making some good money for me and my fiance and saving up for all the wonderful things we want.
And now, here I am, a few years after that, and am confused again. My mind seems to be out of control, I can't contain it because I haven't really "had to" in a while. I have a lot of anger problems, and some depression issues as well.
So, now I'm just trying to be more mindful, and meditate. It seems to help a lot.
Sorry for the long post. I'm usually so closed in, and hopefully nobody takes all this the wrong way!
0
Comments
Buddhism is not a Tooth Fairy cure-all. If you are feeling angry and depressed, you might want to consult a counselor of some sort as a means of determining the dimensions of whatever problems you face.
Take your time and best wishes.
I look at it as, the reasons I have these problems, is largely a part of my ego and false expectations. I'm fairly honest with myself, so I'm confident I can help myself with time. If it turns out its not going anywhere fast, I will commit to seeking help elsewhere but at the moment everything is progressing well.
Meditation & mindfullness were actually the only useful thing the last counselor I went to suggested