Zen Monk and marriage?

birdy

Hi all,

I met a guy i really like, but he is leaving for Japan very soon to practice to become a Zen monk.

I know that Zen monks are allow to get married, but what are the cans and can'ts? How different would it be compare to a normal marriage?
Can you still go on a holiday together? and do they have to wear those monk clothes ALL the time?

I have been told that it is quite normal to see a Zen monk living in a temple with his family but How do they support their family if they don't go to work??
I just can't picture how a family like that works... and i tried to google 'what is it like to married a zen monk' but there is not much information on that.
If anyone know anything please let me know, thanks heaps.

karasti

I imagine it would be quite different from a typical western world marriage. I do not practice Zen so I can't help you much there (many others know much about it) but generally when someone desires to become a monk it is out of a desire to go beyond being Buddhist to help oneself and to be a Buddhist monk to better and further help others. I imagine the marriage would follow with that, as a marriage dedicated to serving others, perhaps in a way similar to married people who are on missions together. Do you know much about Zen Buddhism? I would perhaps look up more on Zen monk way of life to get an idea of how he'll be living and go from there.

The exact tradition matters as well, and most Buddhist traditions (as far as I know) state that monks and nuns are to be celibate, so that is something you'd want to know more about-his exact tradition. Why not ask him about it? If he has requested ordination and has been accepted to go on long term stay at monastery, then he clearly knows and understands clearly about the tradition he is following. I mean, you don't need to just jump in and ask "well what if we wanted to get married!" I realize that might be too forward at this point, lol. But just ask basic questions about his tradition and his vows and what he'll be doing, etc.

seeker242

Most, if not all, Japanese zen monks are allowed to get married and have normal jobs. They do not take vows of celibacy. They are allowed to own property and handle money just like a lay person. This is specific to the Japanese traditions. Korean, Chinese zen monks are a different situation. Ordination in a Japanese sect is quite unique out of the various traditions of zen. As for the specific rules, it depends on which sect, lineage, etc he is ordaining in. I know a Japanese ordained zen monk, you can't even tell he is a monk other than his shaved head. He still works the job he had before, as an attorney.

But, since they are allowed to have a family, most, if not all, are allowed to have a normal job also. As for the specific rules, it depends on which sect, lineage, etc. and the specific temple they are training at.

genkaku

Try writing to Genjo Marinello (zenquaker@choboji. org) or Grace Shireson (grace@shireson.com) ... both are roshis and married and nice people who might be willing to give you info.

ph0kin

birdy said:

I know that Zen monks are allow to get married, but what are the cans and can'ts? How different would it be compare to a normal marriage?
Can you still go on a holiday together? and do they have to wear those monk clothes ALL the time?

Think of the more like "lay teachers" than actual monks with things like celibacy, poverty, etc. For a variety of complex, historical reasons, monks in Japan evolved more into lay teachers, except when they're actively training. At that point, they're strict monks more or less, but upon returning to lay life to work in the community, they live a lay life.

Some of this can also be found in places like Korea and China as well to some extent or another.