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Attention Seeking and Buddhism.
Citta
Veteran
in Philosophy
" When we contemplate the Second Noble Truth one of the more subtle aspects that we might become aware of in ourselves is the need for attention..We see it in ourselves and in others. The need to be stroked..the need to be acknowledged..We will even take negative attention if positive is not on offer. Anything but accept a lack of attention. We start arguments and make provocative statements rather than have no attention..Having got the attention we crave we realise that it creates more suffering..we come up against the Second Noble Truth yet again ".
Ajahn Amaro.
Ajahn Amaro.
2
Comments
Better be alive and in pain than be dead.
Oh well.
Or was he talking about about a widespread tendency to crave attention which many of us have in a more or less subtle way ?
Anyone who has raised children or tried to teach them is aware of attention-getting behavior, and can learn to recognize it in adults and even ourselves. Even negative attention is better than no attention at all. However, "attention-getting" has a negative bias in the term, something bad, because we think of people who act stupid or throw a tantrum just for the attention. People can become addicted to how good it feels to have people focusing on them. But, it feels good to eat also, and that's not bad unless we let that desire to eat rule us.
Actually, psychologists now understand that we all need a social connection. We are social animals. Not having social interactions at all will cause any of us to suffer, and in extreme cases damage us deeply. That's why solitary confinement is torture. Ah, you say, but what about the hermit or person who seems happy to be left alone? Well, we also have a need for privacy, some time and space we can call our own. The difference between solitude and loneliness is, one is a choice and the other is not. Conflicting desires are, according to the Buddha, the reason our desires can never be completely satisfied.
When I worked on a suicide hotline for a few years, it was taught to us that the main cause of people being so depressed and miserable that they'd call was loneliness. Rarely did anyone call who had family and friends that cared for them. There was no greater misery than being alone and the holidays were worst.
I think @Cinorjer pointed that out.
That’s why tone and intention are important. We can remove some violence from our communication and put in some mutual respect; really listening and expressing our opinions and feelings without turning them into a personal attack.
It seems it's really more of a need to belong and attention is sometimes used as a gauge. Because we can feel seperate, we lose touch with our inherited belonging and seek out groups that share a sameness in mindset that we do. This is ok except that it negates the fact that in reality, there is only one group and every single unique view makes up the big picture. In trying to belong to the little groups, we alienate the whole group by reinforcing the disease of us and "them".
Everybody is good at something and has their own unique way of looking at things. Every single one of us has something the rest of us can benefit from.
So please cultivate your attention and give it freely.
Be there for us.
Oh well.
At any rate, I think it would explain the success of Facebook and Twitter. It might even explain some of the discussions here. I most certainly like a little attention from time to time. It's pathetic but there it is.