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Dealing with people who bother you
Hello everyone. I'm new to the group, very interested in getting to know some people who view the world similar to me. I'm married, have 2 kids and work full time. My husband is not Buddhist which offers some interesting challenges. I stumbled across this and thought it might be a good launching pad for this idea. If this topic has been visited a lot and I've not found it here yet, please just let me know and point me in that direction.
http://appliedbuddhism.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/how-to-deal-with-people-who-bother-you/#
thank you
Theresa
http://appliedbuddhism.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/how-to-deal-with-people-who-bother-you/#
thank you
Theresa
0
Comments
If we didn't have difficult people and situations, we'd have no opportunity to practice our compassion and understanding, and that goes from things on a small level (someone at work you have to deal with for example) to worldly challenges like the current Gaza/Israel escalation.
We tend, in the western world, to look at things from 2 sides. One side, and the other side, and then we choose a side and take ours as good and the other as bad. But when you can look at both "sides" without judgement and have compassion for both, it's then that you start to see the world, and your mind, for what they really are.
Coolest Buddhist ever.
What dude are you talking about?
I have a long path to travel!
I highly suggest these dhamma talks, entitled " dealing with difficult people" by Ajahn Brahm, they should be helpful -
Dealing With Difficult People 2008
Dealing With Difficult People 2010
Ajahn Bram also tells the story about " ajahn mosquito". When he was a young monk under AJahn Chah and they were in the jungle, being eaten alive by hundreds of mosquitoes as they meditated, Ajahn Brahm went to complain to Ajahn Chah(Ajahn simply means teacher) and Ajahn Chah said from now on they are "Ajahn Mosquito" .
This falls in line with what many have said above about using these experiences as a training.
as for what I would say to add to all of this.. the practice of Metta, loving-friendliness. We know that ALL beings, even the ones we love to make out as super evil like hitler, stalin, osama , etc.. ALL beings wish to be well, happy, and peaceful, just as we do. When we come to understand that people stop becoming "difficult" :P
"May all be well and secure,
May all beings be happy!
Whatever living creatures there be,
Without exception, weak or strong,
Long, huge or middle-sized,
Or short, minute or bulky,
Whether visible or invisible,
And those living far or near,
The born and those seeking birth,
May all beings be happy!
Let none deceive or decry
His fellow anywhere;
Let none wish others harm
In resentment or in hate.
Just as with her own life
A mother shields from hurt
Her own son, her only child,
Let all-embracing thoughts
For all beings be yours.
Cultivate an all-embracing mind of love
For all throughout the universe,
In all its height, depth and breadth —
Love that is untroubled
And beyond hatred or enmity.
As you stand, walk, sit or lie,
So long as you are awake,
Pursue this awareness with your might:
It is deemed the Divine State here.
Holding no more to wrong beliefs,
With virtue and vision of the ultimate,
And having overcome all sensual desire,
Never in a womb is one born again."
I troll em
Not any more you don't..
I really like that story in the article. Where I work, as a CO at the county jail, I definitely have more than enough "teachers" lol. I also remember when they get on my nerves that they are stuck there, they live there, that that is their life, while I am blessed to be able to go home, see my family, etc. Plus, it is their job to try, yell, harass, even accost us physically if able. That's what inmates do. It is our job to be firm, fair, and impartial, and to bring order to chaos in a professional, courteous as often as possible, and understanding way.
Enough ranting, I really, really like that story though.
I call it really suckily poor choices....
No. Their job is to 'do the time 'cos' they dun the crime'.
Everything else they give you is a bonus....
Fair cop guv.
It's a captivating job, and someone's gotta do it....
Is suckily a word? My iPad doesn't recognize it.
It is now...
See, that's the trouble with modern technology... It's brand-spanking, state-of-the-art new, and already, it's out of date and behind the times...
Tch.... An' all that money, too....
"Dealing with difficult people who bother you"
There are people who are actually called "dealers" in their job titles of various trades and professions. Dealers of difficult people however don't exist and don't get paid.
@tmomerling - People who bothers or not easy to get with according to Ajahn Brahm is your teacher. It will requires you to apply what you've learn so far in the practice. As the humble monks once called them sa "AJAHNS" You cannot learn much to the people who are always in agreement with you. It is those who are different where you can learn. This is a work around for those who can't see that there is great lesson in the midst of disagreement.
Sending you metta and good luck for your practice.
@mockeymind , this is actually a very old thread and was re-activated by a troll. Normally, if old threads are activated I close them down, but this one just began to run, so I let it....
There is little point addressing the OP however. They have not returned to the site for nearly 2 years.
How many years ago would the word ipad not be recognized?
I actually started out trying to say what makes a word..a word...and gave up when every attempted was met by exceptions.
..."would the word ipad not HAVE BEEN recognized?"
Thank you @how, I can always count on you to throw me a hook, and I'll take the bait every time!!
@Federica
Just for you.
With a closer inspection you'll notice I usually leave more than one hook out there just in case the first one gets missed.
Oh, I see.... a line fisherman.... at least you spare the masses and fish responsibly!
My original thought was to go after Federica about her hard assed view of inmates.
Which was irrelevant to @reb1220 's statement that the inmates "are stuck there, they live there, that that is their life, while I am blessed to be able to go home, see my family".
Which is a compassionate view for a corrections officer to have. I think it is easy to get very jaded in that job.
People are behind bars for all sorts of reasons. Often there is abuse and mental illness behind their problems. Would you consider an abused dog to have made a bad choice when it misbehaves or bites, Fede? Every time?
Then I thought better of it and took her to task for making up words, instead.
Now I've done both I guess.
My comments were tongue-in-cheek.
Alas! The written medium fails again, or rather I did....
I used to be a Prison voluntary visitor. Wandsworth prison, and Wormwood Scrubbs. I would talk to inmates whose families had abandoned them to their fate, in uncompassionate and cruelly-timed responses to their personal moments of dellusion and suffering.
The reason I became a voluntary visitor, is that my first husband was also an inmate.
I didn't get that. I might be suffering from some preconceptions.
Sorry about that.
No problem.
as I said, I should have made it more apparent....
Interesting times those were.
(Now I've gone all 'Yodish'!)
(I should actually have BEEN more mindful with my comments, although I really was kidding.... There is another member whose partner spent a long time in prison.... I should have remembered....)
Is "Yodish" a word? My iPad....
I have to say, I was excited to see a post directed at @RebeccaS thinking she had come back. Unfortunately she has not. Thanks for ruining my life!
but I had a moment of excitement.
Just kidding
I almost wasted my time posting in this dead thread.... wait a minute...
Don't worry Federica, I got you.
Although, it is scary how many are in jail over the simplest things now. Often, I wonder that with some of them, the only difference between us is that they got caught.
"Which is a compassionate view for a corrections officer to have. I think it is easy to get very jaded in that job."
Robot, you have no idea how easy it is to get jaded working there. I have friends who have worked there for years, and they practically live off of sarcasm and convincing themselves they don't care anymore. One of those " You look into the darkness long enough, eventually, it looks back" kind of deals. I'm just wrapping up my first year, hopefully I can keep a balance and not lose myself lol.