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From romantic love to unconditional love through Dhamma
in Philosophy
Hi!
The last 10 months my principal meditation aim is for to get over with my falling-in-love with an amazing girl; these love have brought me some very great times, and a lot of suffering too, because I'm married with other woman.
Searching the web I found a very interesting writing of Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano (Leonard Price), an American Buddhist monk, about the topic "A Buddhist View of Romantic Love": http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html . I agree with all the statements included in this writing, but, as always, it's hard to do it in daily life!
Lately my suffer became beyond all bearing, even with daily meditation, because the girl have started to flirting with other boy in Facebook. When the pain was insufferable (yesterday) finally I realized that all my suffering must be wrong, for love, real love, cannot degenerate in suffering, so all this time I have lived an illusion. Moreover, I see now the problem is to merge pure love with mind and ego. I must split the love and the thoughts, for they belong to different worlds.
Now, I need to meditate in this line more than ever, for quickly get detachment, because we are classmates, and I see her every day. Anybody knows any technique specially indicated for to get detachment with this gorgeous girl? By the way, this girl is also Budhist, a smart student, and a very good person! (sigh)
Thanks, and excuse me for my very poor English!
The last 10 months my principal meditation aim is for to get over with my falling-in-love with an amazing girl; these love have brought me some very great times, and a lot of suffering too, because I'm married with other woman.
Searching the web I found a very interesting writing of Bhikkhu Nyanasobhano (Leonard Price), an American Buddhist monk, about the topic "A Buddhist View of Romantic Love": http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html . I agree with all the statements included in this writing, but, as always, it's hard to do it in daily life!
Lately my suffer became beyond all bearing, even with daily meditation, because the girl have started to flirting with other boy in Facebook. When the pain was insufferable (yesterday) finally I realized that all my suffering must be wrong, for love, real love, cannot degenerate in suffering, so all this time I have lived an illusion. Moreover, I see now the problem is to merge pure love with mind and ego. I must split the love and the thoughts, for they belong to different worlds.
Now, I need to meditate in this line more than ever, for quickly get detachment, because we are classmates, and I see her every day. Anybody knows any technique specially indicated for to get detachment with this gorgeous girl? By the way, this girl is also Budhist, a smart student, and a very good person! (sigh)
Thanks, and excuse me for my very poor English!
0
Comments
The mind can only concentrate on one object at once and the best piece of advice I received was " For Happiness cherish others"
Romantic love is actually selfish and is driven by craving for the good feelings that come with it. It is dependent on conditions and unreliable as a source of happiness.
Metta/Karuna - "All beings seek happiness and avoid suffering including me. I cannot blame them for what they do for like me, they too crave happiness. This is the nature of this world. I can choose to be happy for others or wallow in misery. I choose to be happy!"
1) to want to stay with the loved person all the time, always want to see her, always want to share my time, my thoughts, with her,
2) to do things for her, correct, and...
3) the need to be important for her, to be beloved as well.
If 1) or 3) are missing, I begin to feel pain, for I miss her or/and I feel not loved; if 2) is missing then I'm feeling like I don't give she what she deserves.
In my personal case, is the first point the main source of sorrow. The third point too, but partially, because I'm important for her but as a friend, not as a lover. The second is not a problem, I have done a lot of things for her, she used to say: you always help me a lot
There is no easy getting over her, just like there is no getting over life. She just happens to be a part of life that gave you a sense of completion. Few things can match that.
This worldly experience can mimic the spiritual experience but the difference ( as your posting title suggests) is all the worldly ones are dependant on conditions that change and will eventually cause more suffering.
The worldly way of addressing this suffering is to look for distractions whereas the Buddhist path is to try to remain open to the full intensity of this experience. Most of us falter here and waffle back and forth between the worldly and the spiritual just looking for the aspirin.
When you are able, full acceptance of the suffering of this attachment will be your spiritual path towards unconditioned love.