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I think i have too much ego in me. whatever i do, there is something in me which always tries to see what advantage i have in it, whether i am getting praised by others, whether i am getting fame in it - sometimes whenever there is an occasion, something in me always tries to see what benefit there is for me, what advantage i can get here etc. All these things add up to my conceit.
even small things like i update something in any social site like facebook and then something in me looks and wants to see how many likes are there for me. if i upload some photograph in any social site like facebook, something in me wants there should be some likes for it and when i see some likes, something gets happy in me or if there is any comment in which i am praised, this adds to my conceit.
may be i am too self-centered, selfish, egoistic person.
So please tell me how to control my ego and reduce my conceit or my pride. Thanks in advance.
You are mindful enough to know you have an ego and wise enough to know that it upsets you. I am very sure you are smart enough to know how to give up that ego. When you feel something is not good, just give it up. Instead of do, don't. You'll manage.
If you'd like to increase mindfulness. When your breathing in start at 1 when you breathe in 2 when the breathe comes out and so on. When the mind wanders into a thought not pertaining to counting restart back at one.
One of my favorite teachers, Adyashanti, wrote in his book Emptiness Dancing that at the end of Zen Buddhism retreats they had to stay up basically all night meditating so they didn't leave feeling high and mighty and enlightened.
we are all this ... this same impersonal awareness, everyone is the same experience, so is there any room left for ego? I too find myself in this same boat sometimes, and this is what I remind myself.
All this chatter over something as universal as egoism? We can all be pompous asses, especially around family. @misecmisc1, I think you're being way too hard on yourself. Don't let anyone hoodwink you. It's only during meditation that the ego must fall away to a great extent.
The ego can be bridled by diverse means, and the greatest of these is genuine tenderness towards our neighbors and fellows.
Thanks for all your replies, which are all awesome and insightful.
i came across another thing, which i think adds to my pride - it is not a big thing, but still it is a thing which adds to my pride. The thing is - i find myself commenting on someone's post and then after replying to it, something inside me (i think my ego) says - to look if someone marked my thread as insightful or awesome. so to counteract it - i thought of not opening the thread again if the last post is mine, rather i would open the thread again if someone else had commented after me, just to see if someone is referring to my post and asking me by counteracting it. there was a thread in which i replied, did not opened that thread till anyone else replied to it and so did not saw if anyone marked my thread as insightful or awesome. but i don't know how long i will be able to do this thing.
so you can see how much this ego thing is there in me, as this ego gets enhanced by little acts (someone marking my post as insightful or awesome) as above.
also, don't know if not feeding my ego, will add to something which is called 'spiritual materialism' in me - means pride not getting added by worldly things, rather pride getting added by following the spiritual path and not going in worldly ways. This is not to say that i am completely on a spiritual path - of course, not - since i have defilements of lust, ego, attachment etc and that too in huge quantities, also i have a wife and a daughter and a job in IT industry with office politics going on there, so i am on a worldly path. But still trying to know, how not doing worldly things will not add to my pride from other direction of gaining something in 'spiritual materialism'. May be a foolish question to ask, but still asking. Please suggest.
I know I'm repeating myself, but I thought maybe stronger words are needed to express my meaning, @misecmisc1. You are simply being overscrupulous. We all have these thoughts every day to one degree or other. I probably have more thoughts like this more days than you. Don't be hoodwinked by people trying to give advice. They are just thoughts; let them come of their own accord, entertain you, and then flit away.
In meditation, the ego and the sense of "me and mine" has to be let go if one is to arrive anywhere closer to the truth. In life, however, it is our love and our genuine concern and commitment to others that dulls our sense of ego, if we are true. In fact, just undertaking the occupation of not finding fault with others is all the ego shedding a spiritual person needs.
Overscrupulousness is no virtue, but sometimes a healthy ego can be a very good thing in the pursuit of justice and important things like that.
Go to a secluded place for an exteded period of time and medidate on the following question: who is it that wants to control the ego? Then come back a sage and teach me, because I still don't know
@misecmisc1, please don't misunderstand me or think that I'm coming onto you, but you speak in such a way that if I saw you I'd just wanna grab you and give ya a big hug. You seem like such a dear person.
Don't try to control it. Observe it, from the vantage point of Mindfulness. Allow it to be there, but not to push you around. Sooner or later, you just start being amused by it.
Comments
feeling high and mighty and enlightened.
we are all this ... this same impersonal awareness, everyone is the same experience, so is there any room left for ego? I too find myself in this same boat sometimes, and this is what I remind myself.
The ego can be bridled by diverse means, and the greatest of these is genuine tenderness towards our neighbors and fellows.
Thanks for all your replies, which are all awesome and insightful.
i came across another thing, which i think adds to my pride - it is not a big thing, but still it is a thing which adds to my pride. The thing is - i find myself commenting on someone's post and then after replying to it, something inside me (i think my ego) says - to look if someone marked my thread as insightful or awesome. so to counteract it - i thought of not opening the thread again if the last post is mine, rather i would open the thread again if someone else had commented after me, just to see if someone is referring to my post and asking me by counteracting it. there was a thread in which i replied, did not opened that thread till anyone else replied to it and so did not saw if anyone marked my thread as insightful or awesome. but i don't know how long i will be able to do this thing.
so you can see how much this ego thing is there in me, as this ego gets enhanced by little acts (someone marking my post as insightful or awesome) as above.
also, don't know if not feeding my ego, will add to something which is called 'spiritual materialism' in me - means pride not getting added by worldly things, rather pride getting added by following the spiritual path and not going in worldly ways. This is not to say that i am completely on a spiritual path - of course, not - since i have defilements of lust, ego, attachment etc and that too in huge quantities, also i have a wife and a daughter and a job in IT industry with office politics going on there, so i am on a worldly path. But still trying to know, how not doing worldly things will not add to my pride from other direction of gaining something in 'spiritual materialism'. May be a foolish question to ask, but still asking. Please suggest.
In meditation, the ego and the sense of "me and mine" has to be let go if one is to arrive anywhere closer to the truth. In life, however, it is our love and our genuine concern and commitment to others that dulls our sense of ego, if we are true. In fact, just undertaking the occupation of not finding fault with others is all the ego shedding a spiritual person needs.
Overscrupulousness is no virtue, but sometimes a healthy ego can be a very good thing in the pursuit of justice and important things like that.
Observe it, from the vantage point of Mindfulness.
Allow it to be there, but not to push you around.
Sooner or later, you just start being amused by it.