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Lee82
Veteran
This is a question I have been addressing on and off for the past few months. I always thought I knew what I wanted in life and had something of a road map I wanted to follow. Things never quite worked out how I wanted them to and then I discovered Buddhism. Buddhism taught me to live in the present and this I felt was the final piece of a jigsaw that made me feel content with my life. I now find myself asking the question of how I want to live my life. I am still young and have many years ahead of me (hopefully). What do I want to do with my time? Is it wrong to make a list of places I would like to go and things I would like to see and do? Do I want to find a new partner to share these experiences with or do I want to be single (at least for now)? Am I wasting time and effort in even considering these questions rather than just being?
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I think the point is more that planning for the future is a normal part of life, but spending excessive time daydreaming about the future is time taken away from practice and study.
Most of us do a lot of criss crossing of this path. The question for me is about my effort of the moment to stay or stray on that path.
The main issues that I have been considering are hobbies and holidays. I would like to travel and see places and am considering forming a list of places I would like to go. With hobbies I have always enjoyed playing sport and playing guitar. I have thought about properly getting in to my guitar playing and doing grade exams (something I never did despite playing to a high level), just as a hobby and for personal achievement. In doing this am I forming an attachment to it? Should I allow myself to indulge in something and let it take a considerable amount of my time? One reason I am thinking about these things is that currently and for the past few weeks the days have been passing me by and I am doing very little with my time other than wasting it away.
May I suggest that you sound a bit lost, like you're seeking for something; I've heard it described as having a 'hole in the soul that the wind blows through'. I don't know if that's how you feel, I'm just guessing; it appears to be a very common feeling with us human beings though.
In Buddhism, so I've been taught, when the Buddha spoke of suffering - we all can easily recognise the gross forms - but there is a more subtle form of suffering called 'pervasive suffering', because it pervades everything. I think it's part of the human condition. I know I can certainly feel restless, irritable and discontented at times; feckless even.
And I think things like travel and music are wonderful; these are things that people can and should do, if they're able; however it won't be a permanent cure for that pervasive suffering.
Things that help me with dealing with life is a meditation practice (woefully missing for me at the moment) and practising compassion for others. I know that when I purely focus on my own happiness, I can end up miserable; it's a paradox. But when I try to help others, I end up happier. I'm lucky, I'm in A.A.; there's always people I know who need a ride to a meeting, or some friendly encouragement; I help where I can. It takes my mind off myself and places it on other people - that's good for me.
I don't think anyone here would give you specific advice about whether to travel, play music, drop your studies, etc; but they may suggest you begin a meditation practise, study some Buddhism, visit some Buddhist centres and basically investigate and practise Buddhism. And maybe through your practise, what direction you wish to take with your life will become clearer?
Regards
Tosh
These questions have no definite answers until we settle. But if we allow the uncomfortable groundlessness of our life in its moment to moment unfolding.
Then we will find that each instant is the fulfillment we seek. And from there we build the world we desire.
The answer is your life.
@jeffery How do you enjoy something and become better at it without being attached to it? This is one thing I cannot get clear in my mind.
Daydreaming about how planning the future may be if we won the lotto is likely not that productive.
Not that I don't do just that every now and then.
As an example, some people are so attached to their homes, they cannot imagine moving on if the home burns or floods or is otherwise destroyed. They feel ruined, outside of the normal "holy crap, now what!?" feelings anyone would have. Everything they know, everything they are and have lived, was their house and what was in it. Without it they don't even know how to move on. Not saying a person shouldn't be sad at losing their home! Being sad about it is not attachment. Not knowing how to move on, how to be thankful for what IS ok, is showing an attachment to the house. My grandma would be one of those people. She would rather die herself than to see her house go up in flames.
Am I my body? Am I my thoughts? Am I my feelings? my emotions? my job? am I who I am because of how others see me? am I my interests? .....and keep going like this. You will find the answer is no to all the above. Why? because everything changes and nothing stays the same. The Buddha said do not hold on to the view "I am" but also not "I am not" nor "I am but Im not"
Theres no problem making plans and such, but dont hold on to them as if they were some unchanging thing. Trips, relationships, new jobs, whatever. And dont hold on to some idea of "self".
It takes looking deeply into these questions to really start to see.
The funny thing is it was never really a jogger... It was simply jogging.
Is there pressure & deadlines w/distance learning? I thought it was go-at-your-own-pace. Maybe that would be too chaotic for the teachers, though, if people dragged the process out. hm... good to know. Good luck whatever your choice. Let us know how it works out.
The qualification will help me to specialise and pursue a career I know I will enjoy but even though I enjoy the subject and know my studying will all be worthwhile I want to be doing other things and see study as a chore. Perhaps my career doesn't rank as highly as trying to live a fulfilling life.
"Doing" and "being" are one in the same.
Studying isn't something I'm going to be doing long term, whether I stop now, or early next year or at the end of the course it is not part of my plans for the future. Therefore my mind is occupied by these other things that I do want to be doing. Studying has a fixed term in my plans and perhaps that is why it gets none of my attention, if that makes any sense?
Non-attachment makes things MORE enjoyable rather than less. It's a wrong view of Buddhism that says you cannot enjoy things or do hobbies. I think some people get that idea because actual monks limit the activities. I think the Pali Canon says somewhere what monks are not allowed to do and the rules include not going to shows. But you are a layperson.
Let me know if it still doesn't make sense. I didn't want to leave you with a wall of text, but I may have something else useful to say if I haven't made my point yet.
Typically a meditator will seem to see more of themselves as they initially become more meditatively aware of the myriad influences upon them until that trend starts collapsing on itself with a growing insight that the more we see of the "I", the more we see it was all just a dream.
& if you're daft enough to think that makes you special, a good Teacher will say "Yeah, Dune was my favourite book too!"
Now, sometimes people really can't go on and continue dealing with the pressure. If that's your situation, then I think you've come up with a good escape hatch, the shorter degree/certification. And it's possible that this isn't a written-in-stone type of decision. (If you go for the easier certificate, it could be that someday you could go back and finish the program, if your mind-set changes. We do change, after all, we're not a permanent, fixed "self"). It seems like you really want to get your studies over with, and that your mind is to some extent made up about that.
If you're thinking you'd like to travel, you should. I don't see that as attachment. I read about a lama who advised his student, a Western monk, that he should enjoy life fully while he was young. Your experiences will enrich you and help give you insight when you're older. Traveling (I assume this means: on vacations) would be easier without a partner to coordinate with. For now, anyway. Just a thought.
All the best fella