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Anxious thoughts disappear too quickly when observing them.
I wonder if anyone can help me with this one...This might seem strange. But whenever I'm meditating and I observe a thought or a feeling it instantly disappears. For example, very recently I was having a discussion with someone about smoking and I got anxious and agitated in the discussion and it remained with me until I got home. So I decided to meditate on it but the moment I brought my awareness to it, it disappeared. This might seem ok and maybe this is the way it works but, I wanted to look at it and observe it to see what was going on.
This is also a problem with ordinary thinking, from what I have read I am supposed to observe my thoughts, but again, the moment I look at my thoughts they instantly disappear and I don't get a chance to observe them. Is this suppose to happen?
This is also a problem with ordinary thinking, from what I have read I am supposed to observe my thoughts, but again, the moment I look at my thoughts they instantly disappear and I don't get a chance to observe them. Is this suppose to happen?
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Somebody talked about it somewhere in the stages of insight in Theravada... You are more aware of the things going and ceasing, than coming or staying.
Some people get disappointed or frustrated because they have put all this effort into building a good meditation practise, and suddenly everything is disappearing and can't be focussed on.
Keep doing what you are already doing, and you'll pass through it.
As an exercise you might write down on a notepad what thought you want to analyze. Then in meditation ask yourself why that thought is important? Just let that question be in your mind. Do you want a release/resolution? I think that you want a resolution of the matter. Now think of how it feels to not have that issue resolve. Let that be the new thing you want to observe... how does it feel to not have resolution?
Then turn it on it's head again and think how good it would feel if you had settled that issue. And then just let go and be with the breath and smile to your mind and to your whole body.
Now when you examine thoughts ask yourself. Where do thought arise from, where do thoughts abide, and where do thoughts go to.
And then when you get good at zapping stuff then go to sensations.
And then when you get good at that turn the awareness around and look at awareness itself.
Then relax into that absence/presence.
I also have that same experience-- some days I struggle with some issue and look forward to how I'm going to get to my cushion and see through it. But when I sit down, there's no more "it" and the mind is ruminating over something altogether different.
I feel that the key is to learn to be aware and be in a meditative state exactly when the troublesome thoughts and feelings arise. Maybe that's exactly what they mean when t hey talk about practicing in everyday life?
Also, when "it" disappears, sometimes I can sense that something is left behind. The mental contents may be gone but there's a tension or an itch of sorts. It's as if I become aware of the pure energy behind it. And it can be difficult and uncomfortable.
I think I'll ask my teacher about this...
Please do...I would be very interested in the response.
Thank you all very much your answers. They have been insightful and very helpful.
Now...I just have to observe the anxiety that is created when I observe the anxiety that disappears whenever I observe the anxiety...oh dear...I imagine an infinite regress is going to take a long time.
thoughts(and all phenomenon) are the same! they come and go on their on accord, precisely when they mean to, your only goal is to observe them as they truly are(arising and falling away), objectively.
Meditation is simply meant to strengthen your ability to observe dependent origination in your experience. You won't necessarily be able to see what is going on (that is, construct a narrative or explanation of what is happening) beyond this: things arise and pass away, aren't essential to me, and can cause suffering if we crave anything beyond what is immediately present. Thoughts are fleeting, discrete little "bubbles" of commentary we superimpose over our direct experience, which is itself the temporary convergence of various causes and conditions (dependent origination). For this reason, the content of your thoughts is not very important in meditation.
When we're anxious, our fears and projected scenarios feel very real and solid. In other words, we project onto them a quality of permanence. The reality is that, like us, all external circumstances (no matter how frightening) are like foam -- the temporary convergence of causes and conditions that will come together and dissolve eventually. Even the looming death of someone we love (or our own death) does not need to be a cause for anxiety: grief, love, and compassion are far more appropriate responses to tragedy, as is an awareness that their existence itself is conditioned and thus subject to the law of impermanence (equanimity). In the case of oncoming adversity (a job loss, a move, an illness), self-compassion is more helpful (and adaptive/healthy) that worry, though worry is quite natural. Our practice is about letting go of what is unskillful.
Sometimes our worries are simply habit. Any thought whose comment IS a pattern for you will tend to recur -- the mind's endless repetitive "records" that it plays over and over again. It may help to have a label for them when they do come up, simply note it's appearance again, and let it go. For example, here are a few of my own tapes along with parallels to the five hindrances):
- "I am doomed to failure." (the hindrance of doubt)
- "The world is a horrible, dangerous place and I can't handle it." (the hindrance of worry)
- "So-and-so deserves to be punished. Why am I cultivating forgiveness for them?" (the hindrance of anger)
- "I can't do it. It's not worth it." (the hindrance of torpor)
- "I would rather go do something more fun/stimulating/pleasurable." (the hindrance of sensual desire)
Remember, tranquility and rapture are meant to arise in meditation, so the first step is simply to unburden yourself of all that is not essential, at least temporarily. That includes anxious thoughts. Through this, you will gain discrimination as to what is worth worrying over and what is not.
So I did ask. His first answer was to strive to be aware of the anxiety and inquire into it as it is happening rather than wait for formal practice.
I then asked if it makes sense to try and "find" the anxiety on the cushion, even though it seemingly evaporated. His answer was that there is no universal answer. But he did add that I may try and investigate the past anxiety but cautioned against trying to figure it out mentally. (My understanding is that it is a sort of energy coming from the unconcious and my thoughts about it are different from the thing itself.)
By the way, I am practicing in the Zen tradition. Good luck!