Can someone make sense out of this

shanyin

Me and my dad planned to get my Ontario Enhanced Drivers liscence, a version of a drivers liscence that also functions as a passport. Yesterday, he asked to drive me to the government office today to do it, after I get done work.

He had errands to run near my apartment with my sister before he was going to pick me up. I then made plans to go do something else with someone. So I texted him, saying I am cancelling our plans and I will do it myself tommorow or if he wants to do it again another time. He didn't text back for a while so I called and his phone wasn't working.

So he shows up without letting me know and I bring him up to fix my stereo for me. I explain to him I made plans and tried calling. He said can't you cancel your plans with this person I said no, which is kind of a lie, then he said why not and I said because I don't feel like it. Then I told him I really wanted to go through with my plans and that I would do it myself another day. He explained that I will need some government papers he has in the car and told me he was upset because he was running around for me all day. He then said to come get the papers and before I could catch up with him he drove off with the papers in anger.

Was it a d*** move for me to cancel our plans? I don't know what to make out of it.

Sometimes I worry myself.

Straight_Man

Well, sometimes you need to set yourself priorities. Do you plan to travel, needing a passport/license combo?

If not, the plans can wait I guess, but I would say a father who cares for you is worth something in and of himself.

shanyin

I explained that I felt really bad and am sorry and then he texted me saying he is downstairs waiting for me and to bring ID like he wants me to come with him??

shanyin

Yes I don't deny the value of having a caring father. My problem is I feel remourse and sorry for him yet I can't figure out of he is being silly and theres nothing to feel bad about.

I still feel bad for him because I think he got sad.

vinlyn

Simple though this may be, there was an old poem named "The Cremation Of Sam McGee". It's kind of a fun poem that a lot of kids used to read in elementary school. But it had one line in it that I really took to heart: "But a promise made is a debt unpaid, so I swore I would not fail."

Yes, there are times we have to break promises, but I really try my very best not to.

Beej

my sister does this type of stuff to me somtimes. but she usually calls me to ask me to do something for her, and i almost always say "yes" if i am able. then when it comes time for me to do the thing (most recently it was for me to come over to her house to paint her bathroom ceiling) she flakes out. sometimes she is tired and just doesnt feel like dealing with it (she is a hard working single mother). sometimes she forgets and is not home when i go there and i cant even get into her house to do the work, and sometimes she asks someone else to do it without telling me about it.

i get a little frustrated and annoyed with this, and not because she "wastes my time" or anything like that, but because we dont have much of a relationship and i view these favors as a way for us to get together, even if it is purely a "maintenance" togetherness. we dont have much in common and we dont have a lot of free time, so how else can we connect? i take joy in helping her, because that allows her more time to spend with her daughter who's father is MIA. and i geta chance to, if even just on the surface, catch up with her and her life.

this might be why your dad is really upset. even ifits a maintenance run, he likes and wants to spend time with his family. and all i can say is that there are some sons and daughters who dont even have a father around to do these maintenance runs with them, and they suffer because of it. you have a dad who cares enough to help you? go tell him how awesome he is. he deserves it, and he just might need it.

and forgive yourself for being selfish. next time, try self-less.

chela

As a parent, I can understand your father's issue. It is a LOT of work to raise a child, and then when they are old enough to treat their parent with the respect they deserve, they often don't. Would you break plans like this with someone else-- let's say, someone that you highly respected? Maybe you would attempt to, but then when it boiled down to that person spending a lot of their time getting paperwork in order for your benefit, and they showed up as planned, not knowing that you had other plans, would you continue to break your side of the deal?

Personally, I see it as selfish. But that's how children are, and most parents expect that from their children.

karasti

When you could not reach your father to cancel your plans with him, why did you not then cancel the other plans you had made instead? If you could not reach him you could have easily assumed he would show up as planned.

Sometimes, things just happen. But it pays to think about what we could have done better. We can't always make everyone happy and in the end, how they choose to feel about anything is up to them.

Just make sure it is not something you make a habit of. It really sucks to be the person who always has their plans changed because something better comes along instead.

shanyin

Thanks guys. He seemed to accept my apology and I appreciate what you guys have said

shanyin

I told him he can be completely opposite of my mother. I think if it happened with my mom she would have smiled and been happy for me that I found something to do.

Well all is well.

Zero

I am often called to meeting after meeting - I have control and can cancel many of them - I find that when I do cancel them, I am forced to make a judgment of the importance of the meeting and often that can involve or at least imply the importance of the person to me and what I am doing at that time - these subtle cues may not always be articulated but they are mostly understood even if unsaid.

My grandmother was a forager - I can't say I was always in the mood for foraging but I was always in the mood for her - and there is only a limited amount of her despite my mood.

It's probably better for a father and son to spend time together in harmony than for them to fight - you both have a responsibility in that.

From a personal point of view, I can see how your action though not intended to hurt him may have hurt him - he wanted to go on a mission with you and you stood him up - men of a certain age don't in the main have a subtle language to express such disappointments.