Not having friends?

music

Is it wrong not to have friends but only acquaintances, colleagues, etc.?

I am often mocked for this, and I would like to know why this is so odd. Some people are extroverted and make friends easily, whereas others are introverted and have but a few friends. What is so odd about this? Most of the time it becomes a contest - X has so many friends, Y only has two. Y is demeaned in this way.

Makes no sense to me.

karasti

Whatever works for one person is all that matters, really. But there is a big difference between saying you have a few good friends, and no friends at all. I'm pretty introverted, but I still have close friends that I spend time with and enjoy talking with and share things with. One of my friends I have been best friends with since the day he was born, 6 weeks after I was. I don't keep a lot of extraneous friends around. But the people I truly call friends, and really more extensions of family.

I wouldn't say it's wrong because everyone is different. But to not be close to anyone at all is a bit strange, because human beings, even when introverted, are social creatures and study after study has shown how much we benefit from positive social contact versus those who don't get it. It's good for us.

For the record, I don't know a single person (even in my son's high school) who compares how many friends they have and holds themselves above someone else. I would never assume to know how many friends someone has. I've never counted my own, and neither has anyone else I know.

lobster

. . . ah ha . . . you have seen through Facebook?
Real friends are a rarity. Spiritual friends more so. Personally I need all the spiritual friends I can get . . .

Nele

I think it is because man is a social animal. The huge majority of us require interaction with others, on the level of a friend or family member, to function optimally. As an introvert myself I can count my inner circle of friends on one hand.

I do find that friends and family relationships have become much more important to me with time. If such things seem of minimal importance now, consider that the situation might change as your life progresses.

As far as a "contest" - hmm, is this a Facebook thing? (When, oh when, will the Facebook backlash come?) I would say, let go of the thought that it's a competition. Cherish and tend the relationships that are important; seek more if you need them, or don't if you are fine with what you have.

karasti

Oh I have a Facebook, but I couldn't tell you how many friends I have, I'd have to look. And I know 99% of them in person, many of them are family. My parents have 7 siblings between them, but my inlaws have 17 siblings between them. Between the 2 of us, we have a lot of family, lol. I was speaking above only about "real" life friends that I spend time with.

Lucy_Begood

For some reason, our society (Western society?) values extroversion over introversion. People who are extroverted are thought to be more . . . something. Introversion is misunderstood and undervalued. It took me a while to appreciate my introversion. As @lobster said, real friends are a rarity, even for extroverts. More is not always better. Quality over quantity and all that.

misecmisc1

@music : i too don't have friends. there is nothing odd in this. so relax, dude.

what others say, is their view, but just keep in mind that all views are just views.

vinlyn

The answer, in my view, tends to revolve around how one defines a friend. Throughout my lifetime I have usually had one or two people (at a time) to whom I was truly close, as well as other acquaintances and colleagues.

But if you have no one to whom you are truly close...then yes, I would say something is wrong.

Zero

music said:

Is it wrong not to have friends but only acquaintances, colleagues, etc.?

If you're content then why not.

music

vinlyn said:

The answer, in my view, tends to revolve around how one defines a friend. Throughout my lifetime I have usually had one or two people (at a time) to whom I was truly close, as well as other acquaintances and colleagues.

But if you have no one to whom you are truly close...then yes, I would say something is wrong.

I am not close to anyone - friend, family, etc. - but that's because I have no feelings. So most of the time I just smile and pretend just so I can fit in. My 'friends' are usually my colleagues or the people I already know. I do not usually go out of the way to make any friends.

vinlyn

Sooner or later, as the saying goes, no man is an island.

karasti

I thought about something I read in a book about autism. It's a common misconception that people with autistic traits have no feelings. They do, but they do not often experience, or understand, complex opposing emotions. There is a set of emotions they feel, one of them being fear but I can't recall the rest, I"ll have to look it up. I just found it interesting in light of music's comments. I see he is banned, but it was interesting enough I thought it was worth mentioning in case anyone else were interested. Personally I think music is suffering some serious depression and I hope he gets the help he needs.

fivebells

You likely aren't really being mocked for having few friends. The root cause probably has to do with making people uncomfortable in some way.

Lee82

I'm very much the same. I have just a handful of good friends and I don't see them all that often, I'm actually meeting one of them after work tomorrow for a few drinks and something to eat, first time in a few months but we'll pick up just where we left off. My best friend is my 'girlfriend' and we're not even properly going out but have known each other for about 17 years, we talk everyday but generally only see each other at the weekends.

FB is full of fake friends, those people you used to know, were never really friends anyway and just want to keep in touch for some nostalgic reason. That's how it is for me anyway. I've made a conscious effort not to go on it and have been 'free' for about 6 weeks now. I don't care for it anymore and will probably remove myself completely from it soon.

Other than that I have family and work friends who keep me company. I've really had to work on being happy with my own company the past 12 months and slowly I've gotten there. Nobody really knows me, some think they do but there are things that no one knows about my life and how it is now, and I'm more content than ever. I'd like my girlfriend to know who I really am now but unless she asks the right questions she won't find out, time will tell.

vinlyn

karasti said:

I thought about something I read in a book about autism. It's a common misconception that people with autistic traits have no feelings. They do, but they do not often experience, or understand, complex opposing emotions. There is a set of emotions they feel, one of them being fear but I can't recall the rest, I"ll have to look it up. I just found it interesting in light of music's comments. I see he is banned, but it was interesting enough I thought it was worth mentioning in case anyone else were interested. Personally I think music is suffering some serious depression and I hope he gets the help he needs.

I don't see depression. I see negativity.

Chrysalid

vinlyn said:

I don't see depression. I see negativity.

You can't really tell anything about him from text on an internet forum.

vinlyn

Chrysalid said:

vinlyn said:

I don't see depression. I see negativity.

You can't really tell anything about him from text on an internet forum.

You may not be able to see depression, but you can certainly see negativity.

Chrysalid

vinlyn said:

You may not be able to see depression, but you can certainly see negativity.

You can see comments. You intuit negativity, which is a personal interpretation that may not relate exactly to the mindset of the person writing the comment. What you see as negativity, others might see as a manifestation of mental anguish.

federica

You won't be seeing much else.
music has left the building.

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