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Seek to understand
Hi... I am new here and thankful that I found this site. I seek a better understanding so that I might respond to a very important person in my life. She believes in budhism.
She has given me books to read. I have read, and she says that "I don't get it".
What I read and what she teaches seems to me to be contrary. I have many questions
that go unanswered or the answers don't seem right. She has much suffering. I suffer much. Our relationship suffers and I am stuck. So, I am here to ask questions and to gain an understanding, that I might find a direction within myself. I begin here:
Compassion: A deep feeling to share the suffering of another, together with the
inclination to offer aid, support, or mercy.
Question:
Is it important to extend my thanks and appreciation for the compassion that has been afforded me by my partner. If so, how?
Just the beginning,
Thank you, DaveG
She has given me books to read. I have read, and she says that "I don't get it".
What I read and what she teaches seems to me to be contrary. I have many questions
that go unanswered or the answers don't seem right. She has much suffering. I suffer much. Our relationship suffers and I am stuck. So, I am here to ask questions and to gain an understanding, that I might find a direction within myself. I begin here:
Compassion: A deep feeling to share the suffering of another, together with the
inclination to offer aid, support, or mercy.
Question:
Is it important to extend my thanks and appreciation for the compassion that has been afforded me by my partner. If so, how?
Just the beginning,
Thank you, DaveG
0
Comments
Accept that the world is a far happier place when we love someone for all they can bring us.
And with all of the above, Look in the mirror, and apply it to yourself, first and foremost. If we cannot do all of the above for ourselves, how can we expect others to do it for us, and how can we love unconditionally, if we cannot first love, forgive, change and/or accept ourselves first?
The beginning has begun....!
Welcome, bless you for asking, and have courage, it's a path we all walk! You are not alone, ever!!
Second, it might be helpful to know what books you've read, what your partner has told you, and how the two conflict.
I'm a little confused as to your question. If you want to thank her for her compassion, give compassion in return! One of the central ideas in buddhism is that all living things are one, and therefore causing harm (physical, emotional, etc..) to another is the same as doing the same harm to yourself. In the west, we are bound to our dichotomous way of thinking; there is me and there is the other. The other is always that which is not ourself. But in buddhism (and quantum mechanics...go watch What the Bleep do we Know?!), this is not the case...there is no other, mainly because there is no me!!
Welcome to our site. You should invite your partner to join as well, if you feel so inclined!
Welcome to the site. I look forward to getting to know you.
Adiana
Books I've read: I don't have them with me .... one was on Anger, I believe written by Thich Nhat Habh. It began with compassion listening. One I do have here is "Two Suns Rising" by Jonathan Star. That one I just took off the night stand to see if I could get a little understanding. Other books I have read sections only and don't remember the titles.
So, it appears to me that your answer is contrary to Fedrica's. It is incumbent upon the Buddhist, when shown compassion, to return compassion. Otherwise the Buddhist is not practicing Buddhism.
So if I claim to be a buddhist I am a fake if I don't respond in kind.... or I'm a very troubled Buddhist.
Invite my partner..... I'm afraid, afraid that it wouldn't help things.
Again, Thank you for your welcome. I enjoy being here....... Dave
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
Yes it is !
If you want to keep getting what you're getting keep doin what you're doin.
but
What if your doin the right thing? Dave
Stop doing this :banghead: . It will only cause your head to bleed.
I believe that her and I were meant to be together. In fact, I believe that this is my purpose. It's not that she is trying to make me something I'm not or that I'm against learning something new. Thru love I feel a need to respond in kind. I believe that there is a base for her belief. But I also believe that her suffering is great and that Buddhism may now be an excuse to stay put. It appears to me that she has attached her own rules to Buddhism to avoid being reached. If we were not together it would mean her destruction and the destruction of family as well. This little pac-man guy you have beating his head against the wall is what I see. Yes, it appears that I may be beating a dead horse... but, the other side of the coin is that I'm with someone I love ...who... is suffering and is creating more pain for herself by snowballing promblems and I believe she's hiding behind Buddhism. How do you reach a lost Buddhist?
Thanks...Dave
^gassho^
Ok.... but that leaves me nowhere.
may your life go well
^gassho^
Hello dave,
commitments are promises or agreements that you make an effort to uphold. fine in and of its self. attachments to things are your mind placing conditions and expectations on those commitments. does this make sense to you. people suffer in relationships because they change. we think "this person I marry will always be this or that" and this can not possibly be true. look at a picture of yourself when you were ten years old. is that you? is that the same body, mind etc? no. change is inevitable we "know" this but do we really? when we place these expectations on impermanant things we give our selves the opportunity to create resentment, anger and fear. do you understand the difference between preferance and a judgement "I prefer the taste of chocolate to dirt" " dirt tastes awfull" dirt tasetes like dirt. we compared it to chocolate so now we think its bad. your relationship is unsatisfying compared to how it was or how you expected it to be. this does not mean you have to just sit here and act like its ok but try first to remove your expectations, then you can make a clear assesment. its about the stuff we bring to the table so we have to look at our own minds first. it comes down to the cliche but true you can only live in this very moment. if you find it hard to come back to this moment, whitch is likely when you are in pain over a situation, take tich naht hahns advice. look at your partner and picture/ imagine him/her 300 years from now. welcome back. how did that hug feel?
^Gassho^
may you find peace in this and every step
^gassho^
If you like to read (as I do), the 1st Noble Truth of suffering... meditate on it. Don't let anyone tell you you don't get it.
That's the only advice I can give. Good luck.
signed,
been there (divorce - but it led me to Buddhism...)