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Hello All!
Hello All,
I wanted to let everyone know what's up. I realize that it has been quite a while since I've been actively involved on the board. As most know, I lost my father this summer and resigned from a job. The job that was supposed to happen didn't for a silly reason, but that is what life dealt me. Due to all that had happened, I decided that I didn't want to pass off my negative attitude on to everyone.
Many of you would disagree and would say "Jerry, why didn't you say something? We would have understoood". Most likely, you all would have and that's one of the great things about our little sangha. Over the years, I've found it easy to pick up someone's attitude from an online conversation. I've done it and realized I didn't want to hand off my less than spectacular attitude to people I do care about here. Basically, I chose to sit in my crappy attitude.
A person on this board sent me a note which actually is starting the process of coming out of this attitude. Their note has done more to help than they will realize. So I need to say a few things for me.
1. I am human. I have this need inside to have all the answers for others when I don't know most of the questions. When I don't have them, I feel at a loss and very uncomfortable. A plague that is part of those in the "helping" professions. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers. I'm a fellow person on the path and not a superman. I wish you all knew how much it hurts me to say this. I want to be the one that people can come to all of the time, but I'm realizing that I don't know everything. I need to say less and listen more.
2. Some days, I don't want to be compassionate. I've been realizing that there are times I really want to tell someone something that isn't allowed to be said on this board. I want to roll down my window and tell them what I think of their driving. I want tell someone how rude they are in the pharmacy. I don't go with the flow normally, but I do believe in basic respect for others. But there are times you just want to let someone know what you really think. Those are days I try to keep my mouth shut the most though. You don't know unless you're a nurse how many people tell you about their medical histories. I'm always polite and listen, but "LEAVE ME ALONE!" is sometimes the answer. I do that at work all night long. Sometimes when I'm with my friends, I don't care about their Aunt Gertrude's hernia operation. Just let me eat my General Tso's Chicken and let's talk about the latest movie.
3. Some days, I don't want to meditate. Why sit on the cushion? My back hurts. I can't concentrate. I much rather be listening to one of my heavy metal cd's at 10 and be aggressive. The idea of trying to be in touch with my inner self is less fun than escaping reality.
4. Some days, I wish the First Noble Truth wouldn't smack me in the face. I wish there were less suffering to life. It seems that the more I meditate, the more I'm aware of that suffering. I rather be aware of a pint of ice cream. Food is an escape for me.
I hope you all realize that I still care about all of you and plan on continuing on the path and being here at NB.com. I just needed to say these things as I was starting to feel really fake. I don't like that at all and needed to be a bit more honest. So, how are you all on the path?
I wanted to let everyone know what's up. I realize that it has been quite a while since I've been actively involved on the board. As most know, I lost my father this summer and resigned from a job. The job that was supposed to happen didn't for a silly reason, but that is what life dealt me. Due to all that had happened, I decided that I didn't want to pass off my negative attitude on to everyone.
Many of you would disagree and would say "Jerry, why didn't you say something? We would have understoood". Most likely, you all would have and that's one of the great things about our little sangha. Over the years, I've found it easy to pick up someone's attitude from an online conversation. I've done it and realized I didn't want to hand off my less than spectacular attitude to people I do care about here. Basically, I chose to sit in my crappy attitude.
A person on this board sent me a note which actually is starting the process of coming out of this attitude. Their note has done more to help than they will realize. So I need to say a few things for me.
1. I am human. I have this need inside to have all the answers for others when I don't know most of the questions. When I don't have them, I feel at a loss and very uncomfortable. A plague that is part of those in the "helping" professions. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers. I'm a fellow person on the path and not a superman. I wish you all knew how much it hurts me to say this. I want to be the one that people can come to all of the time, but I'm realizing that I don't know everything. I need to say less and listen more.
2. Some days, I don't want to be compassionate. I've been realizing that there are times I really want to tell someone something that isn't allowed to be said on this board. I want to roll down my window and tell them what I think of their driving. I want tell someone how rude they are in the pharmacy. I don't go with the flow normally, but I do believe in basic respect for others. But there are times you just want to let someone know what you really think. Those are days I try to keep my mouth shut the most though. You don't know unless you're a nurse how many people tell you about their medical histories. I'm always polite and listen, but "LEAVE ME ALONE!" is sometimes the answer. I do that at work all night long. Sometimes when I'm with my friends, I don't care about their Aunt Gertrude's hernia operation. Just let me eat my General Tso's Chicken and let's talk about the latest movie.
3. Some days, I don't want to meditate. Why sit on the cushion? My back hurts. I can't concentrate. I much rather be listening to one of my heavy metal cd's at 10 and be aggressive. The idea of trying to be in touch with my inner self is less fun than escaping reality.
4. Some days, I wish the First Noble Truth wouldn't smack me in the face. I wish there were less suffering to life. It seems that the more I meditate, the more I'm aware of that suffering. I rather be aware of a pint of ice cream. Food is an escape for me.
I hope you all realize that I still care about all of you and plan on continuing on the path and being here at NB.com. I just needed to say these things as I was starting to feel really fake. I don't like that at all and needed to be a bit more honest. So, how are you all on the path?
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I wanted to let everyone know what's up. I realize that it has been quite a while since I've been actively involved on the board. As most know, I lost my father this summer and resigned from a job. The job that was supposed to happen didn't for a silly reason, but that is what life dealt me. Due to all that had happened, I decided that I didn't want to pass off my negative attitude on to everyone.
Many of you would disagree and would say "Jerry, why didn't you say something? We would have understoood". Most likely, you all would have and that's one of the great things about our little sangha. Over the years, I've found it easy to pick up someone's attitude from an online conversation. I've done it and realized I didn't want to hand off my less than spectacular attitude to people I do care about here. Basically, I chose to sit in my crappy attitude.
A person on this board sent me a note which actually is starting the process of coming out of this attitude. Their note has done more to help than they will realize. So I need to say a few things for me.
1. I am human. I have this need inside to have all the answers for others when I don't know most of the questions. When I don't have them, I feel at a loss and very uncomfortable. A plague that is part of those in the "helping" professions. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers. I'm a fellow person on the path and not a superman. I wish you all knew how much it hurts me to say this. I want to be the one that people can come to all of the time, but I'm realizing that I don't know everything. I need to say less and listen more.
2. Some days, I don't want to be compassionate. I've been realizing that there are times I really want to tell someone something that isn't allowed to be said on this board. I want to roll down my window and tell them what I think of their driving. I want tell someone how rude they are in the pharmacy. I don't go with the flow normally, but I do believe in basic respect for others. But there are times you just want to let someone know what you really think. Those are days I try to keep my mouth shut the most though. You don't know unless you're a nurse how many people tell you about their medical histories. I'm always polite and listen, but "LEAVE ME ALONE!" is sometimes the answer. I do that at work all night long. Sometimes when I'm with my friends, I don't care about their Aunt Gertrude's hernia operation. Just let me eat my General Tso's Chicken and let's talk about the latest movie.
3. Some days, I don't want to meditate. Why sit on the cushion? My back hurts. I can't concentrate. I much rather be listening to one of my heavy metal cd's at 10 and be aggressive. The idea of trying to be in touch with my inner self is less fun than escaping reality.
4. Some days, I wish the First Noble Truth wouldn't smack me in the face. I wish there were less suffering to life. It seems that the more I meditate, the more I'm aware of that suffering. I rather be aware of a pint of ice cream. Food is an escape for me.
I hope you all realize that I still care about all of you and plan on continuing on the path and being here at NB.com. I just needed to say these things as I was starting to feel really fake. I don't like that at all and needed to be a bit more honest. So, how are you all on the path?
P.S. For all you metal fans, get Nevermore's "This Godless Endeavor" and Dragonforce's "Inhuman Rampage". Just phenomenal albums if you ask me!
Take courage, Jerbear. Thanks for posting. Be gentle with yourself.
well said.
respect to you-I hope YOU feel better soon.
Xray
I can relate. Thanks for letting us know what was going on. It's good to hear from you.
Adiana:usflag:
It's great to see you have come back. My thoughts are with you in losing your father, I didn't know of this and am sorry to hear it. All the points you hit on are definitely there with us all I think. It's part of the struggle of being human, and us all being interconnected feel these same emotions. As a matter of fact I was just reading something in a book and HH said that if he took a job that most of us normally work and get frustrated at he would as well. He said he would throw things, scream, maybe break some stuff. I laughed when I read it because he, like the rest of us is human. We all have emotion, whether it be negative or positive, we all feel things that the rest do. I don't mean to babble, just was hoping to make your day a little better.
Not meaning to sound like and AA meeting but keep coming back, it was great to read all your posts when you came more frequently.
Saw this in your other thread. I am a huge Nevermore fan. I have "Dreaming Neon Black" and "Dead Heart In A Dead World". If you liked "This Godless Endeavor" you will love the two discs I mentioned. I listen to them at least a few times a week and have been trying to mimic Warrell Dane's vocals, but to no avail. Have you heard of his previous band Sanctuary??
Welcome back, Jerry.
We missed you.
Now if we could just convince that old rogue ZM to pop his head up over the parapet, and Comicrelief to come in and give us some.....
We could really party - !!
Good to have someone speaking for those of us who want to shout "F*CK THE WHOLE W*NKING LOT OF YOU - MAY YOU ROAST IN YOUR OWN HELLS"!
This is a favourite poem of mine. Written by Father Thomas Merton, the loquacious Trappist:
LOL, Simon. That's especially funny coming from you.
Jerry...it's so good to have you back and I completely understand what you are saying. I am sorry that job didn't turn out for you, but maybe there is something better coming around the corner. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you, and you don't NEED to be a superhero all the time! We are all just human, trying to make it through this crazy life.
I've missed you!
Your Friend,
Kim
I need to read that poem daily until I have it memorized. Though I'm not of the Christian persuasion, I can truly relate to the sentiment.
Kim and Fede,
Thanks. This seems to be a time for me to be more honest with myself. The last time something like this happened was the beginning of a tremendous emotional growth spurt. If I let it, it just might happen again.
Yes, I've heard of Sanctuary. Not heard any of their stuff yet. I really am starting to like a band called Trivium. Some fans are torqued that the guy isn't screaming anymore and sound like James H. of Metallica. I find it interesting that metal fans are really resistant to change in their bands. I know I didn't like Turbo by Priest and thought they went soft. "Sell out" is used to easily.
I still have your stack of books and hope to get them out to you next week. Send me your most recent address/p.o. box so I can get them to you.
So c'mon, crawl into the back of the bus with all the rest of us bozos, and let's go!
Palzang
I didn't think anyone thought I knew everything, but I FELT that I should. That was the problem. Too much hitting at once. Good lesson. But, I decided to start sitting again. Nothing forced either!
Love,
Boo
Well, Comic showed up....! One down, one to go.....
Pop in and out as you see fit, Jerry....Just remember to touch base with us once in a while. We mums worry, ya know...?!
Anyone know any really good Rugby songs....?!
I have to say that your entire post got a good chuckle out of me.
I think it's good to have these sorts of thoughts. I think it's great to recognize some ass on the freeway that doesn't know how to use a turn signal while they've got a damn cell phone plaster to the side of their head. Or rude people in the pharmacy.
You know why? Because these feelings are real.
I didn't start on this Path to pretend or "act" like I am one thing while inside I'm really something quite different. I have a vision of what I want to be (skandhas or no) and it really doesn't do any good to live behind a facade. You know... like some of the Christians you may have known in your life who's entire veil of Christianity was just a facade - and they were miserable. Not to dis on Christians - this can happen with any belief.
I have feelings like you described quite a bit. Not as much as I used to but, instead of relishing in the fact that I told that dumbass off - I try to realize just what exactly is behind my rage or anger or pain or hurt and remember that these are just feelings. Just like happiness, joy, love, being kind are feelings too. When I look at my responses to people it, sometimes, allows me to recognize it and just let go of it.
The person that cut me off or was rude to me - do they really play any importance in my life? Did they matter in my life mere minutes before I had a confrontation with them? No... not really. Not to say that they're not important - but that it was just an instance in time and eventually we might be able to just let these things go.
Maybe you need to lay off the metal. It does have the capability of raising one's aggression - especially if they're looking to blow off a little aggression. Maybe you should get the 2 cd set of the Carpenter's Greatest Hits.
It's good to see you back
-bf
I thought I posted a thread on here to Jerbear - but it's not showing up...
So... it's probably going to wind up on some other thread and not make any sense at all.
But then... that's not unusual for me, is it?
Good to see you back Mr. Know-It-All.
-bf
What is this rugby thing you keep going on about? :tonguec:
Palzang
Yeah, I know, Jer. That's the way our minds work. We create our own little realities/dramas based on nothing but our own misperceptions. Crazy, ain't we?
Recently my teacher told me to go on a diet and lose weight or I'd die. Of course, the crazy thing is I already knew that perfectly well. It's just the craziness of my sentient being mind that I have to be told something by an enlightened being that I already know before I'll hear it! It's crazy! And yes, I'm on the Atkins Diet and doing well.
But you're right also that it was a good lesson. Really the only way we ever learn anything is to have everything fall apart on us. It's truly the blessing of the guru. Otherwise we'd just sit around fat (in my case anyway) and happy and we'd never change, just keep revolving on the old Wheel...
Palzang
I'd also recommend this collection for anyone who doesn't believe in the hell realms. :eek:
Palzang
Why don't you go get an Abba cd or something instead?
That would be a single wouldn't it?
(Actually I LOVE the Carpenters-although Karen was more like a splinter than anything....) Oh did I just write that?
Poor taste, sorry.
Palzang,
I'm doing low fat/low cal. I'M SO HUNGRY!!! I'm lying, I'm not. Be careful with Atkins though. I've talked with people who gained the weight right back after going off of it. Maybe because they ate like they were starving. I'm not sure.
And by the way, dear one. Why not walk a mile or two a day! That does help get weight off and keep it off! I'm starting back to it myself. We could be svelte together. Okay, this side of the good year blimp together.
Ha ha ha ha ha... me likey.
-bf
Don't talk to me about weight. I think that when I hit 39 - my metabolism went on strike. I'm working on getting back into the mindset of working out at lunch (after taking the summer off to be with my boy) and running 3 miles 3 times a week.
I still feel like I'm hauling a pony keg around with me.
-bf
Palzang...I agree with Jerry. Please be VERY careful with the Atkins diet. I do not recommend this diet to anyone! It's REALLY hard to stick with and most people do gain the weight back - and worse than before because once you start to eat carbs again, your body will store every bit of them because it needs carbs. I could go on and on....but I'll spare you! There are lots of other better "diets" out there!
Kim
And no, she would never tell me to eat nettles and broken glass. I was just using that as an example. Though, come to think of it, Milarepa ate nettles, and he did all right! Turned green though...
Palzang
Unfortunately I have osteoarthritis in both knees, so that kind of limits walking. I have been taking glucosamine-chondroitin-MSM, and that has helped. As I lose weight that'll also help.
Palzang
I have Gold and More Gold by Abba. And if Palzang says he doesn't like them, I'm taking his little pink card away.
Palzang
Or you just might think they stink!
Do you know who was Sid Vicious' favourite band?
I want you to all think about it, when I get a few replies I'll tell you all.
My father has a huge collection of 78s that were handed down to him by his father. We got a bunch of them out recently and realized we had nothing to play them on so we had to go out and actually buy a turntable! What fun! I've never felt the same about records since everything's been switched over to tape and digital. Give me vinyl and a good turntable anyday. I'm still awaiting permission to go through the stacks and play them. lol!
When I read this thread, I had a silly attack of the giggles at the thought of Sid Vicious having a secret passion for strict tempo ballroom dance music of the '40s and '50s!
BTW, I once borrowed from the local library and listened to, at one sitting, Wagner's Ring cycle on v-e-r-y long-playing records. That was a couple of weeks after we got the new gramophone (as we still called it).
-bf
It was ABBA!
There was an element of percieved wankerism about fans of abba in the seventies-all of a sudden we're all friggin legends!
Palzang the tone deaf
Also, when Mike gets grumpy, I'll start singing it. I'm not sure if he laughs because my singing is horrible (which is definitely a possibility) or because he knows what that song means to me. And as pop music goes, they wrote good pop songs. Even though I'm a headbanger, I will give credit where credit is due.
Now on to the musical talents of Britney Spears........
Couldn't think of anything.
That's a beautiful story, Jerry!