Overcoming attachment

betaboy

Let us say you're attached to someone to a point where it becomes an obsession - you can't even breathe without thinking of this person. It is their beauty that makes you so attached to them.

What's the solution? How to overcome such attachment? Mere observation hasn't helped.

how

How long did it take to get this obsession to where it is today?
You putting in just as much effort to not feed that obsession,
times the same amount of time it took to get where it is today
equals how long it will probably take for you to stop suffering over it.
Welcome to samsara, the 4 NT and the consequences of your actions.


Mere observation will help but only to the degree that you are able to not fiddle with that observation and is not an asprin for suffering so much as corrective action to stop feeding the inertia of that attachment.

lobster

It is their beauty that makes you so attached to them.

It is?
I am not obsessed with them.
I think both of us know the real projector of 'beauty' . . .

Have you found the 'beauty' and calm of breathing yet?
What do you think is required? :wave:

robot

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your job.
Find out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

betaboy

robot said:

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your job.
Find out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

vinlyn

betaboy said:

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

I would say the Buddhist way in to suppress useless emotion.

lobster

Suppression in Buddhism?
Que?
Non!

If you want suppression, aka 'kinky spirituality', then I am sure some monks will suppress you. Gosh the things people desire . . .

oceancaldera207

betaboy said:

robot said:

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your jod out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

Very difficult to address.
I would fully accept the feelings.. and then do no more to feed them. In accepting them you can gain some outside perspective.
. I don't agree with creating an unnecessary wall with doctrine here. Its better to see this desire as fundamentally equal to any other desires..otherwise you risk selective supression and create more problems than anything.
Anyway, It should come to resolution by itself in time. Ride it out and try not to make it worse for the time being.

robot

betaboy said:

robot said:

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your job.
Find out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

Maybe try downloading some 'celebrities without make up' pics of her. Or try meeting some real girls.

betaboy

robot said:

betaboy said:

robot said:

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your job.
Find out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

Maybe try downloading some 'celebrities without make up' pics of her. Or try meeting some real girls.

I did. She looks better without makeup, lol. I just wish I were asexual without these feelings.

poptart

What you have here is a crush. It's perfectly normal and harmless so long as you don't let it take over your life or indulge in dodgy activities like stalking.

And @lobster's right, we don't suppress emotions in Buddhism, just let them come and go naturally. A crush usually passes in time. Don't worry about it.

oceancaldera207

Well women are just men with a little difference in cell tissues and hormone levels. (And vice versa).
Does that help?

federica

Think of her as an old crone, with nothing but silicone, liposuction and heavy make-up to hold her together.

Kind of like Joan Rivers, Dolly Parton or Cher.

Jeesh, they've had so much 'work' done between them, they'd keep the plastic surgery business thriving by themselves!
And don't forget - most publicity shots are definitely touched up and 'photo-shopped'.

Oh and, let's not even talk about Madonna....!

Quit making excuses for her.
She must have bad days.

DairyLama

betaboy said:

Let us say you're attached to someone to a point where it becomes an obsession - you can't even breathe without thinking of this person. It is their beauty that makes you so attached to them.

Imagine them going to the toilet.

pegembara

betaboy said:

robot said:

Why don't you pursue her? Give it your best shot. You are young. That's your job.
Find out for sure if its possible or not. If not, at least you tried. You can move on.
She has a boyfriend you say? Don't let that stop you. Unless she is married of course.

She is a celebrity and therefore unattainable, lol. Plus I assumed the buddhist way is suppressing emotion, not giving in to it.

You learn nothing by suppressing. Instead look at the drawbacks of being too attached. Pain of loss/rejection, loss of sleep, poor concentration, people who matters get neglected etc.

AllbuddhaBound

A friend of mine, once obsessed about a lady he desired deeply. He could not get her out of his mind. He would do anything for her, and even though she did not ever intend to "date" him, she strung him along, telling him how awesome he was, and how he was the best thing that ever happened to her. Of course, this puppy dog approach of his made her feel good whenever she was down, but she had no time for him when things were going well.

He was totally smitten and no amount of rejection would stop him from trying to win her hand. This actually became such a strong obsession for him, that he experienced panic attacks and depression.

After numerous disappointments, he decided it had to end. A Zen Buddhist approach that helped him immeasurably, was to drop all expectations. He developed an open mind about the possibilities and he would not entertain any ideas, one way or the other. After some time using this approach, he actually became angry with her. He totally got that she had been using him for her own self gratification. The anger was part of the letting go process. Eventually, with the ongoing dropping of expectations, he came to a place of acceptance.

So what I am saying is that your desires, dreams and hopes for the future, may be your worst enemy. Expect nothing and you will not be disappointed.

ysmael

if you like her go for it and tell her that you do so. if she says "yes" you win. if she says "no" you win still cause you get to keep your cash for dates, gifts and all. but still...dont forget to give her some flowers. that's for admiring beauty that she possesses. i dont think youre breakin any rules if you admire and do such :thumbsup:

seeker242

Do more stronger meditation practice on the breath.

:om:

banned_crab

When thoughts about her begin to arise say to your self "Powers of the universe, please free me of these feelings."