a strange experience i had last night

karmatib

So I'm not really sure what this was. I was laying in bed thinking about existence. The fact that anything exists just amazes me. The fact that the universe is a thing just boggles my mind. Anyways I was contemplating if anything had to exist at all. What if nothing existed? As I tried to imagine nothing, I felt as if I was disappearing. I had a sudden overwhelming feeling as if my existence was slipping away. It frightened me so much that i shot out of bed! I'm trying my best to describe what I felt but words are lacking.
Anyone know what that could have been? No drugs were involved Btw.

Gui

I have had a very simular feeling. I don't know but I think as my desires and attachments slowly ( and I emphasize slowly) disapear, the illusion that I am those things also slowly disapears. Since I thought that I was who I think I am, I felt as though I was disapearing and that feeling was frightful at first. Now, it just gives me a giggle.

Jainarayan

Nothing can't exist. As soon as you try to imagine nothing, you've ascribed a characteristic to nothingness. Here's a quote from another site, a site on deism http://www.unifieddeism.com/78-deism-concepts/86-one-deist-s-concept-of-god that explains it better than I can:

I want you to consider the paradox of Absolute Non-existence. Try to imagine a state where absolutely nothing exists. Close your eyes and imagine what that might look like. Do you see an infinite black vacuum of nothingness? Perhaps you see it as pure white light. As soon as you apply even a single characteristic, like color or size, you have already violated the requirements for Absolute Non-existence. Upon reflection, it becomes clear that Absolute Non-existence is logically impossible. Therefore, this simple thought experiment demonstrates that something must have always existed.

As for your experience of disappearing, I can't explain it, but I can relate something not quite as intense, but I think similar, nevertheless...

Of late I have been getting feelings of "melding" into what I see around me, and everything melding together as one illusion or non-reality. Not blurring into a fog and disappearing, but a startling feeling of, simply put "This is not here" (the words over the doorway in John Lennon's 'Imagine' video). Additionally it is a feeling of oneness. Startling as it is, it's not frightening or uncomfortable.

bookworm

This is just a guess but maybe you entered one of the arupa jhanas without realizing it, who knows.

zombiegirl

I had that experience when I was a kid. I remember suddenly thinking that if there was nothing... then there would be no one to even wonder about the nothingness. There would just be nothing... The feeling that overcame me was a mix of terror and complete awe. These words don't really do the experience justice, but I suspect it might be similar to yours. I still feel that way when I really imagine it...
I'm not sure that there's something other than just emotion going on here. When you imagine scary things, you feel scared. When you imagine happy things, you feel happy. When you imagine impossible semi-terrifying scenarios, I feel like it just incites a certain feeling. I just feel like it's your brain's shock at the notion. But you know, I could be wrong.

mindatrisk

Curious. I've had similar thoughts / sensations. It almost hits me like a jolt when I become aware of my existence... very much like a glitch, and it just hits me how absurd all of this is. I think this is perhaps where the laughing Zen master characteristic comes from... just in a constant state of realisation at the absurdity of it all, whereas for me it just is odd moments. I don't know what your experience represents, but it's got to be a positive one. Better than thinking about a TV show.

mfranzdorf

mindatrisk said:

Curious. I've had similar thoughts / sensations. It almost hits me like a jolt when I become aware of my existence... very much like a glitch, and it just hits me how absurd all of this is. I think this is perhaps where the laughing Zen master characteristic comes from... just in a constant state of realisation at the absurdity of it all, whereas for me it just is odd moments. I don't know what your experience represents, but it's got to be a positive one. Better than thinking about a TV show.

Your simple statement really struck a chord with me. The absurdity of it all. I have been feeling that way a lot lately. When I am anywhere but at home with my family,I am amazed at just how absurd everything is. In other company I would have to explain myself further but I'm fairly sure most reading this understands.

More on topic though,I have had similar feelings when I contemplate this like this. For me it feels like my limbs get heavy, almost like they are to big for my body. I feel disconnected from my body and at the same time incredibly connected to my surroundings.it feels so surreal.

Zero

karmatib said:

As I tried to imagine nothing, I felt as if I was disappearing.
I had a sudden overwhelming feeling as if my existence was slipping away.
It frightened me so much that i shot out of bed!

Anyone know what that could have been?

Your imagination is getting the upper hand!
Imagine being frightened by your imagination...
Whatever anyone else thinks of the experience, it is your experience.
Explore further, especially the fear.

Zayl

Oh yeah? well while we're sharing last night I dreamed that Vin Diesel was my mailbox.

Like, him from the waist up on a pole. He just handed me the mail and said a one liner and chuckled.

footiam

karmatib said:

So I'm not really sure what this was. I was laying in bed thinking about existence. The fact that anything exists just amazes me. The fact that the universe is a thing just boggles my mind. Anyways I was contemplating if anything had to exist at all. What if nothing existed? As I tried to imagine nothing, I felt as if I was disappearing. I had a sudden overwhelming feeling as if my existence was slipping away. It frightened me so much that i shot out of bed! I'm trying my best to describe what I felt but words are lacking.
Anyone know what that could have been? No drugs were involved Btw.

That could being having too much of the good thing. Not everyone has time.

Invincible_summer

karmatib said:

So I'm not really sure what this was. I was laying in bed thinking about existence. The fact that anything exists just amazes me. The fact that the universe is a thing just boggles my mind. Anyways I was contemplating if anything had to exist at all. What if nothing existed? As I tried to imagine nothing, I felt as if I was disappearing. I had a sudden overwhelming feeling as if my existence was slipping away. It frightened me so much that i shot out of bed! I'm trying my best to describe what I felt but words are lacking.
Anyone know what that could have been? No drugs were involved Btw.

Could just have been anxiety from contemplating non-existence.

Could have been extra-dimensional forces.

Figuring out "why" is a fairly fruitless endeavour, IMO. The reality is that it is.

Neither

karmatib said:

So I'm not really sure what this was. I was laying in bed thinking about existence. The fact that anything exists just amazes me. The fact that the universe is a thing just boggles my mind. Anyways I was contemplating if anything had to exist at all. What if nothing existed? As I tried to imagine nothing, I felt as if I was disappearing. I had a sudden overwhelming feeling as if my existence was slipping away. It frightened me so much that i shot out of bed! I'm trying my best to describe what I felt but words are lacking.
Anyone know what that could have been? No drugs were involved Btw.

Maybe thats what would happen if nothing existed?
Oh and its a realization of part of the truth. You are slipping away. Like the Floyd Song Time.

"You run and you run to catch up with the sun but its sinking; racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older; shorter a breath and one day closer to death."

In buddhism they talk about anata (nonself), shunyata (emptiness), and annica (impermanance) to describe this. We are composed of the 5 aggregates which are Form, Feeling, Sensation, Will (Volition), and Consicousness; all of which are aggregates of things that can not be said to be the self or soul.

E.g. Who am I? Im a musician. No thats something you do. Im White. No thats your skin color. Im alex. No thats your name. Im smart. No that is something about you.

No part of yourself can be said to be fully you, your soul. Each is only part of you and each part depends on the world and the rest of the self for its existence in turn.

E.g. Im alex. Alex is a name your mother gave you. It was chosen because of XYZ and was actually a second choice to Gabriel. So you would have been gabriel not alex if grandma had liked it. Alex would not be who you are. Grandma didnt like the name because of XYZ and she hated an X named Gabe so you couldnt be that... on into infinity. Each reason, on to infinity, etc etc.

So really there is no you.... apart from the the parts which make you.... which are every thing ever by the end of it.

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?
"I'll have one with every thing."