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What would you do?
anataman
Who needs a title?Where am I? Veteran
My son is dyslexic and lacks confidence in himself and finds self-expression difficult. He is not stupid as our educational psychologists evaluation report shows, but I have slowly learned that his success will depend on him having a supportive environment in his formative years.
He has played for a football team since he was 7 years old, and this enabled him to engage with and make new friends outside of his school environment, which we felt was healthy. He loves football and got the 'most - improved player' award in the first year after joining the team, our family sponsored the team by buying them a new kit, but the first manager had to move on after the second year and one of the other dads took over. His son played right wing - my son's position as it happened (he is a spurs fan and Lennon is an idol of his), and it went down hill from there. First my son was played in left wing and striker positions, then in defence and then he became the 'substitute'. I can't remember when he has played a full game in the last 2 years...
I approached this dad/manager last year at the beginning of the season and kindly told him of my sons learning disability and the need for a supportive environment as it was impacting his confidence but he did something quite shocking the following game, and the fact that there was guidance for playing kids at this age by the regulatory body, he kept his son and the best (mid-field) player on the team off for the first half of the match when we were playing a strong team in the league at their home ground. At half time he played them (his son isn't the greatest player, but has some good qualities) when they came on everyone was despondent (5-0 down they were) and the loss was inevitable - the manager then decided to challenge anyone else who wanted to be the manager to take over from him at the end of the game - I couldn't and was effectively bound, but my son loves football and wanted to play even if it was not a full game each week. IMHO the guy was and is a bully.
Recently new players (friends of the manager have arrived) and have been coming on and playing full matches even though it is apparent that they were not fit or skilled enough. My son took this to heart and in a recent match where we travelled for 4.5 hours on a Sunday for an away match where he got to play for 12 minutes because the managers son was injured (I am surgeon and saw he had a significant ligamentous injury, but despite my advice and it was not because I wanted my son to be favoured his son came on limping at half time replacing my son, who was visibly upset by this. BTW his son limped off after the final whistle.
This weekend my son was in tears when I said he had to go otherwise he would not be regarded as 'part of the team' and insightfully berated me ' saying I was an idiot - hadn't I noticed what was going on - (I said I had noticed but had been wilfully blind so he could play) he resigned to leave the club as he felt the manager had a vendetta against him.
I sent an e-mail at my sons request announcing he had made the decision to leave - there are 3 people in the team who we regard as having similar family values to ours and they all responded positively - the rest were silent - the manager said and I quote - 'I fully understand why your son wants to leave, ...can you arrange to return the kit please'
The resignation has liberated my son and he is happy, but regrets not being able to
Do I raise a complaint against the manager with the governing body - my son was entitled to play for at least 50% of every match at his age?
Do I do nothing and vindicate his behaviour?
Do you have other ideas?
My son has made his new school's football team so has opportunities to play but he really liked the guys he played with and doesn't want to lose contact with them but it is inevitable that this will happen, apart from those who we had a close connection with.
Mettha
He has played for a football team since he was 7 years old, and this enabled him to engage with and make new friends outside of his school environment, which we felt was healthy. He loves football and got the 'most - improved player' award in the first year after joining the team, our family sponsored the team by buying them a new kit, but the first manager had to move on after the second year and one of the other dads took over. His son played right wing - my son's position as it happened (he is a spurs fan and Lennon is an idol of his), and it went down hill from there. First my son was played in left wing and striker positions, then in defence and then he became the 'substitute'. I can't remember when he has played a full game in the last 2 years...
I approached this dad/manager last year at the beginning of the season and kindly told him of my sons learning disability and the need for a supportive environment as it was impacting his confidence but he did something quite shocking the following game, and the fact that there was guidance for playing kids at this age by the regulatory body, he kept his son and the best (mid-field) player on the team off for the first half of the match when we were playing a strong team in the league at their home ground. At half time he played them (his son isn't the greatest player, but has some good qualities) when they came on everyone was despondent (5-0 down they were) and the loss was inevitable - the manager then decided to challenge anyone else who wanted to be the manager to take over from him at the end of the game - I couldn't and was effectively bound, but my son loves football and wanted to play even if it was not a full game each week. IMHO the guy was and is a bully.
Recently new players (friends of the manager have arrived) and have been coming on and playing full matches even though it is apparent that they were not fit or skilled enough. My son took this to heart and in a recent match where we travelled for 4.5 hours on a Sunday for an away match where he got to play for 12 minutes because the managers son was injured (I am surgeon and saw he had a significant ligamentous injury, but despite my advice and it was not because I wanted my son to be favoured his son came on limping at half time replacing my son, who was visibly upset by this. BTW his son limped off after the final whistle.
This weekend my son was in tears when I said he had to go otherwise he would not be regarded as 'part of the team' and insightfully berated me ' saying I was an idiot - hadn't I noticed what was going on - (I said I had noticed but had been wilfully blind so he could play) he resigned to leave the club as he felt the manager had a vendetta against him.
I sent an e-mail at my sons request announcing he had made the decision to leave - there are 3 people in the team who we regard as having similar family values to ours and they all responded positively - the rest were silent - the manager said and I quote - 'I fully understand why your son wants to leave, ...can you arrange to return the kit please'
The resignation has liberated my son and he is happy, but regrets not being able to
Do I raise a complaint against the manager with the governing body - my son was entitled to play for at least 50% of every match at his age?
Do I do nothing and vindicate his behaviour?
Do you have other ideas?
My son has made his new school's football team so has opportunities to play but he really liked the guys he played with and doesn't want to lose contact with them but it is inevitable that this will happen, apart from those who we had a close connection with.
Mettha
0
Comments
I went through this with freshman and sophomore volleyball....drove
my butt off...paid a bunch of money....but I had to decide if the time
she was getting to play was worth the time and energy I put into it.
My daughter is 5'9".....she could practically stand in front of the net...hahaha
She was barely playing bec of seniors trying to get college money...Grrrr...
the season was a sham...1-9...but the 2 seniors who were the 'it' girls
played everytime...I was also the team mom...packing and planning
for the tournaments...(we lost all 7 of those)
anyway...
I decided it wasn't worth it. My money was trickling up and so forth.
My vote is...move on. Let it go.
Down side to playing competitive sports. Everyone is competing for
all of their agenda's.
We are moving on and as it goes it is me who is more hung up on him leaving the club. My wife and I put a lot of effort in the formative years of his team that there is a sense of injustice - but of course competitive spirits sometimes have to lose... that is the nature of competition. I will move on, but still feel I should complain!