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Contempt & the bitter fruits of mindfulness
not1not2
Veteran
This seemed like the most appropriate forum for this.
I just realized that I hold the world in contempt to a large degree. Yes, there are people I consider equals or superiors, yet I consider the majority to be inferior. These sorts of realizations are always disturbing.
So, here's what happened. Today is Halloween and some people are dressed up. Well, one person is dressed up like a farm girl & has a John Deer hat on. Upon seeing this, the thought occurred, "I bet they just had that lying around the house. They didn't even have to go to the store. What does that say about them?" And then I realized what just went through my mind & I realized that I had totally discriminated against that person as being inferior and that I do the same with a good deal of the people around me (I live in the Bible Belt). I have the stereotype in my mind that these people are small-minded, backwards thinking types, when I really have no way of knowing such things. I guess the fact that most people around me voted for Bush & my state passed the no gay marraige amendment by 72% helps to feed this sort of stereotype. Still, that is a totally unfair attitude.
And on thinking about it, I am realizing that I feel some degree of superiority to most people I know. Even family. Even you guys. Pretty much everyone. It's really permeated my mind. Wow. In fact, right now, my mind is playing off the fact that I'm admitting this to you all to bolster my sense of superiority. "Ooh, wow. That's really big of you"; "It takes a lot to admit that. You must really be advanced." This really just sucks. It's also asking for sympathy, so I can feel all warm and cozy again. I think, though, it would be best if you guys didn't show too much sympathy for me, even if you feel it (though I won't stop you). I'd like to keep this disturbed feeling around for awhile to really see when & where this feeling of contempt arises. This mind of mine is really playing all the angles in attempt to get what it wants. It's amazing how deeply rooted these unskillful qualities can be. And it's really hard to get down to the bottom of them.
Anyway, on a positive note, my mindfulness practice is apparantly taking root to some extent. I don't think I would have really noticed this before, as this tendency seems to go back quite a long way (to my childhood). Another positive is that I realize this may be a good deal of the reason I feel disconnected from the world. I am the one who has set myself apart (which means that it is in my power to fix this problem).
Also, part of the reason I posted this is because sometimes we forget that our practice can bring up many things we don't want to see. Things that are really disturbing about ourselves & the world. Things that make us say, 'Man, I'm a jerk'. Practice doesn't just bring about lofty states of being & concentration. It makes us more in tune with what is, which is often pretty negative. Now, we shouldn't get down on ourselves as blaming is inappropriate & unskillful itself. We should instead investigate and contemplate these sorts of things in order to find out where they are rooted in ignorance & craving, and how they bring about suffering. In that manner, we don't just dwell in the problem, but are able to pull ourselves out of it.
Take care & be well, everyone
_/\_
metta
I just realized that I hold the world in contempt to a large degree. Yes, there are people I consider equals or superiors, yet I consider the majority to be inferior. These sorts of realizations are always disturbing.
So, here's what happened. Today is Halloween and some people are dressed up. Well, one person is dressed up like a farm girl & has a John Deer hat on. Upon seeing this, the thought occurred, "I bet they just had that lying around the house. They didn't even have to go to the store. What does that say about them?" And then I realized what just went through my mind & I realized that I had totally discriminated against that person as being inferior and that I do the same with a good deal of the people around me (I live in the Bible Belt). I have the stereotype in my mind that these people are small-minded, backwards thinking types, when I really have no way of knowing such things. I guess the fact that most people around me voted for Bush & my state passed the no gay marraige amendment by 72% helps to feed this sort of stereotype. Still, that is a totally unfair attitude.
And on thinking about it, I am realizing that I feel some degree of superiority to most people I know. Even family. Even you guys. Pretty much everyone. It's really permeated my mind. Wow. In fact, right now, my mind is playing off the fact that I'm admitting this to you all to bolster my sense of superiority. "Ooh, wow. That's really big of you"; "It takes a lot to admit that. You must really be advanced." This really just sucks. It's also asking for sympathy, so I can feel all warm and cozy again. I think, though, it would be best if you guys didn't show too much sympathy for me, even if you feel it (though I won't stop you). I'd like to keep this disturbed feeling around for awhile to really see when & where this feeling of contempt arises. This mind of mine is really playing all the angles in attempt to get what it wants. It's amazing how deeply rooted these unskillful qualities can be. And it's really hard to get down to the bottom of them.
Anyway, on a positive note, my mindfulness practice is apparantly taking root to some extent. I don't think I would have really noticed this before, as this tendency seems to go back quite a long way (to my childhood). Another positive is that I realize this may be a good deal of the reason I feel disconnected from the world. I am the one who has set myself apart (which means that it is in my power to fix this problem).
Also, part of the reason I posted this is because sometimes we forget that our practice can bring up many things we don't want to see. Things that are really disturbing about ourselves & the world. Things that make us say, 'Man, I'm a jerk'. Practice doesn't just bring about lofty states of being & concentration. It makes us more in tune with what is, which is often pretty negative. Now, we shouldn't get down on ourselves as blaming is inappropriate & unskillful itself. We should instead investigate and contemplate these sorts of things in order to find out where they are rooted in ignorance & craving, and how they bring about suffering. In that manner, we don't just dwell in the problem, but are able to pull ourselves out of it.
Take care & be well, everyone
_/\_
metta
0
Comments
Recognition of the flaw is a big step. Actually, several, fairly whopping steps....
I only have short legs, so feel sometimes as if I am walking twice as fast to keep up with those more accomplished than I....
Which means I might miss some of the scenery as I scurry, watching for pitfalls....
I'm slowing down and just observing me. It makes me laugh, you know.
Humour is a wonderful thing. The Self-deprecating variety even more so.
Have a giggle on me.....
Thank you for your very candid post. Many of us can probably relate to what you have written (I know that I can!).
One of the best things that I have ever read is the Dharma Talk given by Lama Surya Das on the Five Skandhas. I hope that you also find it to be helpful:
http://www.dzogchen.org/teachings/talks/dtalk-95may22.html
One practice that we have in Vajrayana is a good one that might help antidote such feelings. We are taught to look at every other person, every other being, in fact, as a deity who is teaching us if we have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. When viewed in that way, other beings are looked upon as our teachers, and if they are displaying ignorance and hatred, it is only a reflection of the ignorance and hatred in our own minds. Sobering but very helpful!
Palzang
Transience and old age are brilliant antidotes to vanity!
samurai are a bit like that, ppl who have no masters are dogs.. and the like.. its far too common but its the way we are raised. Course i think about it.. but majority of time im just in the present and i try to convert the energy of those sort of things.
Great post, ya arrogant ol' snob! I really enjoyed reading it, especially when I started to realize how much better a person I am than you. I never feel superior to other people. Boy, do you ever have your work cut out for you....
But seriously, this is one of those uncomfortable, prickly, irritating kind of insights that make you feel like someone's scratching their nails down a chalkboard somewhere. It feels icky to come face to face with this kind of stuff. I usually try to keep it stuffed down really deeply so I can avoid its existence. I guess they don't call this sort of stuf the "nitty gritty" for nothing. This is where the real work begins, doesn't it?
Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I have some unicorns and fairies to play with under the rainbow now. Gottagoseeyalaterbye!!
Thanks. Good luck with those unicorns. And tell the faeries to quit hiding my stuff from me.
Anyway, yeah. These sorts of insights are the one's we have a hard time facing. It kind of reminds me of the Neverending Story & the trial of the mirror. So, I've been trying to contemplate this one & see it from as many angles as I can. I've been intentionally trying to bring this to mind by thinking of individuals & assessing the way(s) I find myself to be superior. Not to reenforce that feeling, but to see what's going on. I also find myself mentally bringing up that Pema Chodron article on Shenpa. This one seems to be very sticky.
Some thoughts:
Pride is being intoxication with one's perceived strongpoints, sometimes in comparison to the perception of the shortcomings of others. Self-hate is intoxication with one's perceived shortcomings &/or the perceived strongpoints of others. I think the word 'perceived' is especially important as perceptions may or may not be accurate.
Pride requires a self-view that identifies with the khandas (btw, thanks for the article, bunny here). Realizing this is not the case, allows one to view things in less personally. This reduces the extent that our strongpoints/shortcomings & successes/failures disturbs our consciousness. If one can simply view their (and other's) qualities in terms of Kamma/karma & dependent co-arising, then one can be honest about their strengths/weaknesses without creating pride or self-hate. This sort of takes the wind out of this whole process. But it takes a lot to make this a habitual response.
Anyway, take care everyone.
_/\_
metta
You may be interested that, in the Enneagram, we make a distinction between pride and vanity.
We see pride as the sense of self-sufficiency that denies our own weakness and that we have needs. We see this in those people who are always "mother's little helper", the perfect self-sacrificing friend who anticipates everyone else's need. It is in the denial of one's own needs and the way in which we 'buy' the approbation of others by our apparent selflessness that we manifest this pride. Our culture loves such people and encourages their "generosity" or "compassion", thus making it hard for them to see their attitude as flawed, like everyone else's.
Vanity is similar but it is more often seen in those people who are always active, always engaged in projects, but finishing them all-too-rarely. These are people who often get promoted beyond their capabilities and have to duck out or fail - which is their greatest fear. Vanity is not, however, a 'driver' like pride. It is, itself, driven - by deceit! Vanity is the way in which these people manifest their deep deceitfulness. Although everyone is, to a greater or lesser degree, capable of deceit, the vain live by it. I have found a great self-unawareness in vanity. It arises from comparing ourselves with other people, as if we could be better or worse rather than different.
I have written this sort of thing before and I find that people sometimes find it confusing. What I am suggesting is that there is great value in having shades of meaning which enable us to unweave the way in which the various threads weave the tapestry that we imagine is the self. Many threads are very similar but, if we recognise their different nuances, we can unpick them to different origins. In that place we can apply the healing of the Dharma because we are at one of the wound sites. (Do, please, forgive the mixed metaphors)
_/\_
metta
What a very profound and thought-provoking post! So true, so true! At least for me at any rate! LOL! Talk about a major wake-up call!
Adiana:wavey: :scratch: :hair:
I have to think about this one for a bit. hmmmmmmm
Thought it over........started to not like what I was seeing.
Warmed my tea..........came back and read the last page with Simon's last post.
I'm feeling a little ill at the moment.
I see myself in Simon's last post.............So what I started not to like has grown to a level of GREAT discomfort.
In my case.................Adiana, I think wake up call is an understatement.
This "mother's little helper" and gossip will go throw up now.
Thank you not1not2 for starting this thread and Thank you Simon for the hard Slap across the face............It's still stinging really bad. Ouch!
Sometimes it is very painful to look and see who you really are and find out your not who you thought you were at all.
Thank you for pointing this out. My fear is.........I've just seen the tip of the iceberg.
Dearest friend,
Do you know the joke about the loss of the Titanic? The crowds were gathered on the pier at Liverpool hoping to hear something about the tragedy when a polar bear pushed through to the front and called out: "Any news of the iceberg?"
The Enneagram is a compassionate mirror, as is the Dharma. We are a metaphysical laboratory where, by the alchemy of awareness, we transform our not-liking into loving concern. Learning to love the iceberg means that we can be excited as we discover more. I seem to remember that one of the titles of the Dalai Lama is "Great Sea of Compassion". I love the idea that this iceberg that I ride is, itself, mostly submerged in the surrounding sea of compassion. There can, therefore, only be anything to hate or to fear if we give way to hallucination.
No slap was intended, dear friend.
I'm sitting here reading the link on the Dharma talk by Lama Surya Das that was posted in this thread. I'm learning.........Like I said in another thread.........
I'm a work in progress................just thinking .........I needed to work a little harder.
Having your eyes opened is always a good thing.......or a good slap works too. lol
And don't be too disheartened. Once you recognize that you are the one doing these things, then you also recognize that you have the ability to change your situation. Ultimately, this sort of thing is empowering. Beyond that, intentional waking up to this stuff will undoubtedly make us better people, and help us to move beyond the unsatisfactory states that result from these things.
Take care & be well
_/\_
metta
Having our eyes opened to our flaws is a good thing. Gives us the chance to work on them and correct them. Just took me a moment of OMG to swallow the bitter little pill.
Thank you for the Lama Surya Das Dharma talk..........I enjoyed the read.
No Time To Lose A Timely Guide to the Way of the Bodhisattva by Pema Chodron
The 1st thing I read was- When we do bad things we confess to ourselves, others or the Buddha. So that we don't condemn ourselves- but to have regret- Positive Saddness. These 3 things help us let go of who we are.
It's ok to see our faults. Don't be upset - Ignore it and rejoice and the knowing will help you grow and be compassionate.
I so admire you. You have the courage to lay yourself completely open to your own scrutiny. That's got to be one of the highest levels of strength a human can possibly possess. The way you've embraced the opportunity this thread has provided has inspired me to do the same. I feel stronger, more able to do it, if you're going to do it, too. Know what I mean? I'm not brave enough yet to actually admit publicly to the things I see in myself that I don't like but at least I feel able to start looking for the lies I tell myself. It reminds me of the Jane's Addiction song; "A sensation not unlike slapping yourself in the face...". It really IS a slapping yourself awake and the only way we could actually do it is in, as Simon pointed out, a sea of compassion for ourselves.
Not1, thanks for starting this thread. Whenever I feel that my practice is stalled or in a rut, I can come back to this challenge of self awareness because I imagine there will always be plenty of stuff to work with in this place inside myself. This is ego work and I understand how much my ego has made me suffer during my life. I'm grateful to have the tools to deal with it more clearly. Thank you.
Do not hold back or try to hard, as you will do worse than simply doing.
You are already dead so look, as you are looking back with foresight and do w/e.
To be urself eliminate preconcepts of who you think you are.. and simply be.
I usually repeat them out loud or in my head..
I don't know if the above mentioned goes with the exact flow of this thread, but when reading it this was the first thing that came to my mind.
Glad that you liked the Dharma talk, Inthedharma. It is one of those things that I find myself going back to time and time again.
You know Wezz, I feel the same way sometimes. I am reminded of a quote that I saw today at the Buddhist Channel:
- Acharn Brahm
Try not to be too hard on yourself Wezz. Besides, you sound like you're doing just fine to me! :smilec:
Deb,
LOL! Now that you mention it, it IS an understatement!
Adiana:usflag: :hair:
Oh! Are you judging me for not writing your whole name out? Oh! Are you judging me for bringing this up? Oh! Am I being paranoid? Oh! I must have a bad practice to get paranoid. Oh! I do not belong here . . .
You get what I mean. Great you are catching your monkey mind - especially about things that essentially are hurtful - even though we are not meanies and do not want to hurt anyone. We all have crazy thought processes. Dig deep and be still and it will eventually fade away or at least come in less strong waves.
That is some pretty serious shit. I'll have to think about that for awhile.
As for me - my biggest difficulty is not that I think I'm better than others because I can always see myself in where someone else could be. I have also had friends from all walks of life.
I do have my problems though. Some of my biggest are dealing with feelings and emotions of injustice or how I feel things are just wrong. I harbor anger and ill-will toward people - mostly a person - who I feel is just evil.
What makes me so upright and commendable that I can actually think another person is evil? But, I could honestly say that if they died - I wouldn't shed a tear.
"This" always makes me feel that my practice is failing. The words of the Dhammapada always ring in my ears...
3. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
4. "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
5. Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.
6. There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die. But those who do realize this settle their quarrels.
At least, this seems to be my biggest shortcoming "at the moment". I'm sure I have a lot more.
-bf