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A nice feeling.

edited June 2005 in General Banter
Monday my best friend's mother died. I can't handle death very well, and I wasn't as close to her as others, but I was close to her. What hurts me the most is seeing my friend hurt soooo bad. Shes 23 years old, and all I can think about is my own mother and how I don't believe I could handle it.

Tuesday, I found out one of my other friends is having a baby.

For some reason, I felt a comfort. I thought it was weird to find out someone has passed on and then another is formed. All I could do is smile. I can't really explain the way I felt.

Almost like everything just makes sense.

Then I think, things like that happen everyday. Someone dies and then someone is born every second. Its unbelievable. I guess I'm just in a little shock right now, because this has been such a unusual week for me. That, and I've never felt like this before.

Kind of in awe.. ^_^


  • edited June 2005
    Anita wrote:

    Almost like everything just makes sense.

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2005
    If ever there was a salutary lesson in the impermanence of things, this is it.... but there is no sorrow there, that is everlasting..... and the joy and wonder at a new life is quite exhilarating, when you think of what it has taken to bring it into being. I read a wonderful quotation once: "A newborn baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
    And so it does. and so do we.... we are born and we die.... everything in the middle is a wonderful revelatory adventure!! Bless you Anita, for 'Feeling' what you felt. Good on you! :D
  • edited June 2005
    Well, the crazy thing is, finding out about the baby, made me feel so much better and aware of the death. It evens out. And thats a great feeling. ^_^
  • comicallyinsanecomicallyinsane Veteran
    edited June 2005
    Yeah I sometimes think my baby girl is my mom. My mom wanted to have grandchildren so bad but she was killed a little over a year before my daughter was born. I sometimes wonder if it is my mom come back to us. Thank you for sharing your story Anita.
  • edited June 2005
    What can I do to help my friend Melinda out with dealing with her loss. I know there isn't much I can do, but I mean I can't stand seeing someone in soo much pain.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited June 2005
    Absolutely nothing. All you can do is be there for her. When she weeps, comfort her with a warm arm around here shoulders. Always let her pull away again first. And when she feels like laughing again, laugh with her, because it's ok to laugh. Everyone's grieving process is different, and lasts for different times. Never hurry her, Never tell her she 'should be getting over it by now.' Take her out shopping, take her out to see a movie, take her out to do whatever she wants. And when she talks, listen.

    Like I said, nothing.....
  • edited June 2005

    I agree with Fed. I remember when my husband died and, more recently, when my dad died this past April, all I wanted was for someone to just be there and listen to me. I just wanted that warm, comforting presence of someone who would let me rant, rave, and talk about the deaths of my husband and, more recently, my father. I think that the best thing you can do for a friend is to just be there and not talk or try to tell your friend that it will all be better soon or that their loved one is in a better place; the list goes on and on of things that I have heard from people that thought they were being comforting. I knew what was being said to me was meant to comfort, but at that time, I did not want to hear any of it. I have a good friend that was there when my husband died and she did not talk or anything. She was there as a comforting presence and Carolyn has a very warm, nurturing aura about her; she just let me cry and kept my youngest child busy so I could get a better handle on my composure. Carolyn's actions allowed me to be better able to deal with my youngest daughter's grief and fears; Jennifer would not even let me out of her sight for months after Sonny's death. To this day, she will not spend the night at anyone's house without me being there. She is getting better as time goes on and I realize that it is due to the fact that she knows her daddy is gone and I am the only parent she has left.

    Anyway, please know that you and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • BrianBrian Detroit, MI Moderator
    edited June 2005
    Just last october, a friend of mine committed suicide. I had never met him in real life, he was an internet acquaintance. His mom, coincidentally though, lives right by me.

    I decided to meet with her and sort of let her know that her son's life was very important to thousands of people around the globe. In fact, indirectly, if it weren't for him, this site probably wouldn't be here right now. Suffice to say that interconnectedness is a miraculous patchwork of wonder that constantly leaves me in awe. She had no idea at ALL the kind of impact he had on the world. I tried to convey to her that his short presence on this earth sent ripples through every single one of us. Remember, all this coming from a complete stranger who didn't even "know" her son.

    Being with her in those dark moments when she was shouting to god and pleading with the sky about why her son was taken from her, were some of the most difficult of my life. I hope that my presence provided some sort of comfort to her.

    In retrospect, I think it did. I think just having me there, even as a representative of a global community of friends rather than as a family friend, helped a little.

    It's all we can do. Just be there.
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