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Relinquishing the 'Self'

lotusbluelotusblue New
in Buddhism Basics
Hi guys, just a thought:

I'm currently on deployment in the Navy and have just found out that my Grandad has got cancer, and has only got about eight weeks to live. I should hopefully get home to see him in the next couple of weeks, but it's obviously made me think a lot.

I've been given this feeling that I don't exist anymore, that I'm not important anymore. Not in a 'self-loathing' kind of way, but in a way that I don't feel like I want to please myself anymore, I want to do good for those around me. I'm not saying I was massively selfish before, but I put myself first too much. Suddenly that seems like such a nonsensical way of doing things. Why induldge yourself when there are so many amazing people around you that you could dedicate your time and effort to? When I'm dead and gone I'm not going to reap the benefits of my own self-indulgence.

Has anyone else had feelings like this in these kinds of circumstances?

(I'm sorry that this has been a bit of a pointless ramble guys, I just wanted to clarify things in my head, haha.)

Comments

  • howhow Veteran Veteran
    @lotusblue
    That is what I call sanity.
  • lotusbluelotusblue New
    how said:

    @lotusblue
    That is what I call sanity.

    I can't tell is that's disapproving of how I was, or approving of how I want to be now, haha

  • yagryagr Veteran
    Far be it for me to answer for @how, but if I had responded as he did - there wouldn't have been approval or disapproval in my response.
    how
  • howhow Veteran Veteran
    @lotusblue
    IMO, a Buddhist practice is a journey from selfishness towards selflessness.
    That direction represents an ever widening heart/mind or ..sanity over it's alternative or opposite.
    lobster
  • footiamfootiam Veteran
    lotusblue said:

    Hi guys, just a thought:

    I'm currently on deployment in the Navy and have just found out that my Grandad has got cancer, and has only got about eight weeks to live. I should hopefully get home to see him in the next couple of weeks, but it's obviously made me think a lot.

    I've been given this feeling that I don't exist anymore, that I'm not important anymore. Not in a 'self-loathing' kind of way, but in a way that I don't feel like I want to please myself anymore, I want to do good for those around me. I'm not saying I was massively selfish before, but I put myself first too much. Suddenly that seems like such a nonsensical way of doing things. Why induldge yourself when there are so many amazing people around you that you could dedicate your time and effort to? When I'm dead and gone I'm not going to reap the benefits of my own self-indulgence.

    Has anyone else had feelings like this in these kinds of circumstances?

    (I'm sorry that this has been a bit of a pointless ramble guys, I just wanted to clarify things in my head, haha.)

    No, never have these kinds of feelings. We are different people with different needs.
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    Why induldge yourself when there are so many amazing people around you that you could dedicate your time and effort to?
    :clap:

    Exactly so.
    Some years ago I realised that I did not have the discipline and mindset required to walk the path. I decided that I could at least try and not be a douche bag and maybe if the opportunity arose I could be of some little use to someone who was so karmically blessed.
    Surprisingly I had almost become a real human being.

    It was a start.
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