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" Monkey mind" day...
MeisterBob
Mindful AgnathiestCT , USA Veteran
One of those days where I was very impatient,aggravated mood. I build automatic transmissions for a living and after 36 years of doing so on my good days its accepted as a way to pay the bills and I can look at it as a way to be of service. On a bad day I despise it! lol! Today it was tedious. Anyhow I took a couple of 5 minute sit downs and tried focusing on my breath but it was difficult. I can say that I didn't do anything I would need to make amends for so that is positive. I was aware of the anger underlying my impatience. Couldn't really pin point a reason. Not sure where I'm going with this,sorry for that. Perhaps I'm just venting ,getting it out. In hindsight it was what it was. Bob
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Comments
I think you have a question about how you deal with states of mind that you just hate.
The startling truth is that you don't have control. You can apply antidotes but ultimately you are at the mercy of your states of minds. This can be quite startling. In meditation we welcome whatever comes up. Since we can't throw it out we might as well not throw kerosene on the fire by being upset that we are angry or having a bad day.
That is more a Tibetan Buddhist thing. In Theravada they would probably do something similar ie applying non-self to the situation. But they would be looking to transform the lack of peace rather than letting it be in the mind. I'm thinking transform to jhana with the methods Buddha gave in the Pali Canon.. The TB approach is to let mind be big enough.
And then there is a choice between increasing shamata to get a handle on the feeling. Shamata is calm. So you can work on having calm. Calm abiding is included in the TB I have already mentioned. You welcome the anger and let it be there. This prevents the kerosene and with more shamata you 'right the ship'.
And then there is vipashyana. In that you just get curious about your anger. Where do you feel it? Is it in your head? In your thoughts? Will you always be angry or is there changes moment to moment? What are emotions? What happens when I observe an emotion? How can one part of me see that I don't want the emotion and another part IS the emotion? Can I choose thoughts? If I can't choose thoughts can I choose which ones to follow versus ignore?
Thanks. I realize anger is as "valid" state of mind as any and aught to be expressed-but mindfully as possible. I think I prefer the "let it be" approach-not making it into a "problem". Still it has a toxicity to it.
Not that I remember this very often, but Joseph Goldstein said in an interview that you are really 'getting somewhere' when you can observe the mind moving through as if it were actually the contents of your neighbor's mind, or the guy sitting two seats over. He said it really is that 'not you'.
OBVIOUSLY language utterly fails. Goldstein did not elaborate, just laughed with the interviewer (Robert Wright).
@MeisterBob
My bad days seem to arise with some thwarted expectation.
Example...
A cautious or timid driver ahead of me, who on normal day would be a reminder for me to just accept where I am, on a bad day is experienced as a personal obstruction to my passage. Unchecked, all manner of events can start to be watched for and experienced as some unfairness to me.
My solution to this delusion has been to take any arising stress or tension in my mind or body, as a red flag saying that I am currently hurting myself by not accepting something that requires my attention. In the above example, it might mean pulling over until I am able to face whatever I've been unable to face and wait until the disapation of that tension or stress proves that I have.
I'm having one of those days. Being an Aussie, I find a LOT of swearing a cathartic outlet. Especially being able to swear in 7 languages
I started to giggle halfway through because I realised how ridiculous it must appear. Then I realised half my team is Greek and a couple of guys were "You just said WHAT?" which of course made me laugh even harder.
XD
@how You are right . . . however is it possible, commendable or advisable to express mindful anger? Should we just fix our horn?
For me no anger expression as far as possible, as I am an angry person. It is a failing. When I express anger it is the expression of ignorance. On some occasions of great calm, I will express anger in a calm mindful way. In hopefully a wise way. It is possible. If you ever admonish a child, you will be aware of the necessity for this facility . . .
The monkey mind, agitated in some way is an indication of samsara/ignorance in us. Just as we have Buddha Nature we have an inner douchebag. We know that, we experience it.
I was having a discussion with a very good friend of mine who practises Tibetan (with a fair bit of Zen and a nice side of Theravada - hold the cheese) and she remembers reading somewhere that on days when we simply cannot get our schytt together, no matter how hard we focus, concentrate or try; one of those days we are at odds with everyone and everything, and we can't explain it, it's just a goddamn crappy day, OK -?!?... it could be one of our 'previous life bad Karmic days' arising and manifesting to kick us in the ass.
So on days like these, the best thing is to "take a step back", let the day evolve, let things arise as they do, but be mindful with others.
And let them know it's the kind of day when you distinctly requested they hold the cheese but you got a double portion instead....
@federica Yes I let my coworkers know " dont mind me- I'm just aggravated " today and was mindful of my words and body language. As I mentioned I was able to avoid doing anything I needed to amend so that was positive.
@how- I expect traffic every day on I-95. I can use the time to meditate but when I'm funky I just get annoyed even more at it like yesterday. Every day its backed up for miles. I have a cd of my favorite Jon Kabot-Zinn and will listen intently. When I lose focus I rewind. Yesterday I mostly rewound! lol!
@lobster. Yes perhaps my explanation was lacking. The anger was there. Unwatched I definitely would have caused a mess. By being as mindful as I could I monitor its expression and affects ,moment by moment. The anger would still come out but in more of a conscious expression.
@everyone- Thanks! Bob
Swearing in other languages?
"Holy Testicle Tuesday!" . . . we haz plan . . . wrathful mantra . . .
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/11/fireflys_15_best_uses_of_chinese_profanity.php
N.B.
Do not try this in Chinatown . . .
My morning: :grumble: ... :banghead: ... :coffee: ... :dunce: ... :bowdown: ... :om: ...
...
On days when you see red, you just see red. There are days like these when nothing works and your meditation only serves to make you more miserable because you carry your anger and your frustration to that turf, too.
Detached observation of our anger could help, like @Hamsaka said above quoting Joseph Goldstein, as if they were not part of you.
In psychology, it is known as a process of disidentification. "We are dominated by everything with which we identify and we dominate everything with which we disidentify"
Mysteriously enough, the Buddha talked about it thousands of years before Assagioli.
On good days, you stare at anger in the face and try to track back where it comes from, hopefully to be able to disentangle yourself from it.
If it doesn't work, throw a good tantrum, swear in Pali and decompress.
But to be honest, I feel better about myself when I can actually accept the situation and my emotions about it and act out in a way I won't regret five minutes later.
Do I remember rightly that some businesses in Japan have stress-buster rooms where workers can beat the crap out of dummies, to dissipate anger and aggression...? @lobster, make yourself useful - find a photo!
@federica I used to go out an beat on old busted transmission cases with a hammer when angry. Might have to revive the practice! Lol
Yes mam!
Billy Crystal as a psychiatrist is helping a mob boss with his anger issues . . .
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion/2010-12/31/content_11783342.htm
Or this:
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=trl0U6bZNsnjPMz2gPgG&url=http://m.theweek.com/article/index/227951/the-anger-room-the-new-way-to-blow-off-steam-after-work&cd=3&ved=0CC8QFjAC&usg=AFQjCNH3GN3URcB57E6RinMm7fE65lelFw&sig2=Krqpdn_vUAuOeP31MS6a2A
Not recommended as a standard method if you have a problem with anger though.
this is less expensive and I would say more pertinent,...
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=sLt0U5fzMYGyPIe-gJgH&url=http://www.cbc.ca/m/news/#!/content/1.1403746&cd=1&ved=0CCoQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNE02mSXPxQ4_4X_-Nb7i-YOY_Upnw&sig2=KE2toZ60v6gJpwM2fAAqWA
Meisterbob quote.
@how- I expect traffic every day on I-95. I can use the time to meditate but when I'm funky I just get annoyed even more at it like yesterday. Every day its backed up for miles. I have a cd of my favorite Jon Kabot-Zinn and will listen intently. When I lose focus I rewind. Yesterday I mostly rewound! lol!
My primary practice for not ending up in a "bad day" is through just trying to be mindful and staying as present in this moment as I can.
But that being said ..a "bad day" more clearly demonstrates what meditative work still needs to be done than any lecture ever will. I am pretty sure I'd be a lot more arrogant than I now am, without the occasional "bad day" providing a reality check.
The traffic story is just one example.
The tension/stress body watch is my back up warning system for the attachments that slip by my primary practice. It applies as much to relationships with others, dealing with inanimate objects, or anywhere I am being controlled by my likes and dislikes.
The three P's.....practice, practice, practice! Lol!
Don't you mean: Practice, Perfection, Practice...
Don't know. I OK with practice , perfectly , imperfect....but that's not 3 p's! Lol
Patience, Perseverance, and Persistence - make Practice, perfect.
This one has to be heresy for a cushion lover!!!!!
:hair:
Not trying to be a (fill in the blank) but perfectly imperfect is ok for me. I don't do "perfect" anymore- Darnn good enough sure! Lol!
Please don't fill in the blank! Lol!
I knew Monks who would say "flocon de maïs" when exasperated enough.
It is only the french for cornflakes but when said passionately enough, it served as a English swear word.
'futtocks' is a good word....it's a long piece if timber forming the mid-rib of a ship.
But it's emphatic and the looks on people's faces....