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The Suttas - remodelled
federica
Seeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
This discussion was created from comments split from: Lojong Practice: Stop trying to figure him out!.
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Heh. No Buddha would have said, "There are five attributes, oh monks, that a person may use to describe the day. And what attributes are that? They are very bad, bad, so-so, tiring, and nice..." and a half dozen verses later, you'd find out it's best to have the nice one.
I just love those old sutras designed for oral recitation.
I would love to see a book of parodies of the suttas like that, haha!
Thus have I heard
Once the Blessed One was dwelling in the Park Called Central
He had a thirst. ( A thirst came upon him. He thirsted )
Ananda noticing that the Sage of The Sakyas had drawn his coffee mug from his new satchel bag
inquired ' Is it your will Oh Best Of Men that we travel down to Starbucks and wait with humble demeanour hoping that some kind man, some good and worthy man will stand us a cup of joe " ?
" Say not so Ananda " " Say not so !" replied the Lord.
"My mug is out, is exposed, is held expectantly, in the hope of trolling over to Coffee Rupublic
for a change."
" It is well said oh Muni " exclaimed Ananda. " And those Devas look a bit thirsty too ".
My version of the Buddha's last words:
"With mindfulness, stroll on..."
Once the Blessed One was standing in the Kitchen in the simsapa Self-Catering chalet number 485. Then, picking up a few dirty plates with his hand, he asked the monks, "What do you think, monks: Which are more numerous, the dirty plates in my hand or those still in the sideboard awaiting use?"
"The plates in the hand of the Blessed One are few in number, lord. Those stored in the sideboard are more numerous."
"In the same way, monks, those things that I have already washed, and have not been re-used yet far more numerous [than those I am holding]. And why haven't I used them? Because they are not connected with the dinner, do not relate to the condiments of the cruet set, and do not need to be soiled, to be dirtied, to be smeared with gravy, mashed potato, peas, sautéed cabbage, or lightly-fried chicken cutlets.That is why I have not used them.
"And what have I taught? 'Washing up is boredom... This is the origination of boredom... This is the cessation of boredom... This is the dishwasher leading to the cessation of boredom': This is what I have taught. And why have I taught these things? Because they are connected with the power socket, relate to the soap tablet and lead to being able to put your feet up and watch telly, instead of standing over the sink and slaving with a pair of yellow marigold gloves and a dishcloth. . This is why I have taught that it's boredom.
"Thus you should train yourselves: 'We will listen when the Tathagata asks us to help clear the table — and occasionally pick up a broom, do a bit of tidying up, not leave our robes all over the floor, and promise to wipe up the tinkle-drips and put the seat down.
Deep, deep in their meaning, broaching no argument and with hidden kick-ass menace — are being lectured. We will lend ear, will set our hearts on knowing them, will regard these teachings as worth not arguing with or disobeying, or else.' That's how you should train yourselves."