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Troubles with Violence
Okay, now I have always been the horizontally challenged, laugh it up, eat till ya drop, worry when it comes type of person until several months ago when I had my first real encounter with violence. As a friend and I skipped stones by an out of the way ravine, I found myself enclosed by 10 or so unhappy fellas. My heart sank as the one started cursing about me looking at him funny. As I tried to casually slip away, I was greeted by a solid fist and a few kicks. (My friend received the same treatment) They left us alone after they saw we were in no condition or shape to fight.
I felt humiliated that night at home. And although thankful for not getting really hurt and evading telling my parents, I felt at a loss. I belittled myself for not being strong enough to fight despite my size, and thinking my dad, probably a 100 pounds less at the same age, had beaten up a school bully. Being very peaceloving, this was a tough situation where there was no easy way out. No adults were around, I had never met the kids, saying 'no' was not an option. ( I was just starting to become interested in Buddhism at this time)
So after this humiliating defeat, I challenged myself to improve strength, build character, and courage. I was tired of being 'Tubbs' and sought out a different lifestyle. Since that fight, or lack of it,
I have changed a lot. I began lifting weights, stretching, meditating, eating less, no snacks, no soda. I am much stronger and am amazed at things I can do. I can climb trees, fences, beat people in arm wrestling tournaments, pick people up, ride bikes for miles, run, and feel better overall.
Now there is nothing wrong about that. It almost seemed to be the one event that sparked my motivation. My friend thinks I do it to impress a girl. My parents think I do it to win a bet.
But I still have the same problem. If something similar is to ever happen again, do I be a pacifist and take the blows, use this newly acquired strength to teach someone a lesson, and risk further suffering.
I wonder if Buddha said anything about this or something related? Anyone have similar experiences? Any help is appreciated! :bowdown:
I felt humiliated that night at home. And although thankful for not getting really hurt and evading telling my parents, I felt at a loss. I belittled myself for not being strong enough to fight despite my size, and thinking my dad, probably a 100 pounds less at the same age, had beaten up a school bully. Being very peaceloving, this was a tough situation where there was no easy way out. No adults were around, I had never met the kids, saying 'no' was not an option. ( I was just starting to become interested in Buddhism at this time)
So after this humiliating defeat, I challenged myself to improve strength, build character, and courage. I was tired of being 'Tubbs' and sought out a different lifestyle. Since that fight, or lack of it,
I have changed a lot. I began lifting weights, stretching, meditating, eating less, no snacks, no soda. I am much stronger and am amazed at things I can do. I can climb trees, fences, beat people in arm wrestling tournaments, pick people up, ride bikes for miles, run, and feel better overall.Now there is nothing wrong about that. It almost seemed to be the one event that sparked my motivation. My friend thinks I do it to impress a girl. My parents think I do it to win a bet.
But I still have the same problem. If something similar is to ever happen again, do I be a pacifist and take the blows, use this newly acquired strength to teach someone a lesson, and risk further suffering.
I wonder if Buddha said anything about this or something related? Anyone have similar experiences? Any help is appreciated! :bowdown:
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Comments
I, too, had a similar experince when I was 14 years old.
The only difference was that I was singularly aattcked by 8 people who decided to jump on my back to finish me off.
If was, indeed, a stressful moment and it had the opposite effect on me, than it did you, as it destroyed my confidence and raised my paranoia levels. There was a point where I was actually carrying a knife - I was so scared.
So what advice can I offer you?
Well there are two answers - there is the dharma and the way in which I live it.
As a Buddhist you can understand that the cruelty inflicted upon yourself will not go unchecked. There is always an effect for a cause and your attackers have incurred a debt that will be paid - in this life or the next. Whether or not they 'learn' as sentient beings from this process, is largely up to them.
BUT if you walk into the same situation again, unprepared, you could violate the first precept - be getting yourself killed...
There are two ways to avoid this:
1. Don't ever find yourself in a dangerous situation (difficult when we never really know what's going to happen next).
2. Prepare to defend yourself, without killing (including yourself) - which means no weapons as they are designed to kill and could be used on you.
So how do you think you could feel confident about number 2?
In my study of martial arts I initially wanted to be able to protect myself. Something I am as confident as I could be of being able to do now. But I also found something else in Ving Tsun Kuen (the style I study) that I didn't expect - The ability to not fight.
With discipline and hard work I have realised that with refined skill you can avoid the need to fight. This is mainly due to the fact that fighting would cause no difficulties for me. The average attacker always displays the same traits - I can now recognise them and neutralise them - without raising a finger. AND even if the violence is unavoidable - I am still prepared.
I am ready to accept what will happen.
In this way, and many others, Martial Arts have strengthened my dharma practice.
The only person left to 'beat' is myself!
I hope this helps!
I thought about a knife for a while but I knew that would get me and others killed. Martial Arts seems much safer. Thanks again for the help!
Adiana
Congratulations on your recovery Adiana.
Now, I do believe in defending yourself though it should be only to defend yourself - not get revenge, not teach someone a lesson - and you should try within reason to avoid seriously hurting others. Given what you said, it seems to me that this group was out looking for a fight and had you given them they would happily have used it as an excuse to escalate the fight to the point where someone could have been killed. So, from what I can tell you did the right thing.
I hope that you are never in that situation again. Obviously, trying to prevent such an occurrence is best but not always possible. If you are in the situation again, I hope you can get out of it without fighting. If not, I hope you can get out with the least amount of damage to you or the other people.
On a similar note, I once avoided a fight by fake tripping while running and pretending I was hurt much more than I actually was. Some might call me a coward, but neither me nor the others involved ended up seriously hurt. Sometimes you do what you must.