Recently I have lost touch with who I am. I feel like a different person. Its like my usual self is just a noise in my head and who I am is actually some kind of alien feeling. I felt disconnected from everybody else and at times it became hard to interact with others. I tried to tell somebody about it and they sent me to somebody else. They asked me "Do you feel that there is a thinker thinking up the thoughts? Do you feel that there is an experiencer that experiences the experiences?" Something confusing like that. I had no idea what he was saying, the idea of a thinker and experiencer just didnt make sense to me. He said that I should go talk to a Buddhist or Hindu. I can also tell you that when somebody offends me or if I have a temptation it usually dissapears after the initial moment. This may sound like a good thing but its honestly depressing me, I wish I could go back to my old ways. Its crazy because half of the day I feel like my old self and the other half I feel like the alien self. Ive tried to stay busy to keep my mind going and stay away from this scary feeling. I feel like there is no point of living like I might as well die when im in the alien feeling. Luckily ive been overthinking and being extra busy with trivial matters lately so I think the feeling may be slowly fading away but I know that in the back of my mind its still there.
Can you tell me what is wrong with me?
Comments
It sounds as if you may be suffering some type of personality disorder.
I would suggest professional therapy.
Good luck!
Make it simple. What is going on is that you feel alien. Just let that be.
Just a guess but it sounds like depersonalization/derealization. You need to discuss it with a therapist.
Are you in a position to talk to your doctor or a therapist as suggested?
Remember you are just talking to me.
There is nothing wrong with you. This is in part just non-attachment. Why it is happening is another question. How you are reacting is fear. Non-attachment is a higher state. One I might add we struggle for years to attain. You now get to figure out what an Ego is and how it works.
Sounds like me before I hit depression. Primarily it was a dissociated feeling followed by an eventually void of all emotions. I am generally absent of emotions but the difference between my normal neutrality and depression is very obvious. In depression I felt like I could sit there in my chair and never get up, never eat, never drink and eventualy pass from existence and I couldn't care enough to stop it or help it along.
Who is depressed?
For you -
I am glad you are here, but not sure Buddhists have any more pertinent answers than anyone else. Can I ask how old you are? If there is a lot of upheaval and negative crap going on in your life, it can cause symptoms like this, especially if you feel completely overwhelmed.
Most of the time (like 98%) what's wrong is not so weird or unique that you need to consult some crazy Buddhists.
However, besides getting some therapy or seeing a doctor will be helpful along side a mindfulness meditation or beginner's Buddhist practice.
Have you heard of depersonalisation syndrome? May be a good thing to see a mental health professional first.
Regards
The majority of counsel in this thread advises you to seek professional help.
That would be the best - and first - place to start.
Only if and when it is clarified that there is nothing wrong, feel free to return, please, and discuss your experience more deeply.
To try to dissipate, or dismiss your experience as something you can and should cope with on your own, is irresponsible.
-And to be perfectly blunt, @Greg911, your comments are far from helpful, and somewhat irresponsible.
They're akin to telling a drowning man to concentrate on how wonderful the water feels, when the sharks swim by....
@Between2Worlds, please seek professional support. This is after all, merely a Buddhist forum, not a clinically-approved one.
Be well, and let us know how you progress - but see someone qualified.
Thanks.