Uncharitable Thoughts: C'mon, 'Fess Up
Nirvana
aka BUBBA ` ` South Carolina, USA Veteran
Of course, I do not myself care to broach the subject of some uncharitable thoughts that attitudes or sentiments by other NewBuddhist members or moderators have elicited in me from time to time. 
No, what I'm talking about is uncharitable thoughts brought on by just sheer stupidity or thoughtlessness.
Here's one behavior that really gets under my skin: Drivers who are too timid to pass you on an empty stretch of road that you're just trying to enjoy. When I drive to the beach (180 miles), there are about 90 miles or so when maybe there's just one vehicle every five miles or so. I like to drive those deserted roads at about 50 mph in order to absorb a little of the beauty. And it's not the case I get to make this trip more than once or twice a year! And perhaps I'll even want to stop sometimes. But then comes along behind me some Stupid person who won't take any clues just to pass me. I'll slow down gradually to 40, wave my hand to signal them past. But no! I end up having to slow down to a stop SEVERAL MILES after the stupid, timid driver started 'gating me. Any signal lights (rt turn, lft turn, etc) would serve only to confuse the issue.
I wonder if they do it just to annoy.
All creatures just want to enjoy life. I wonder why stupid people think that they're the only ones around.
My uncharitable thought crystallized: "You, * stupid, * don't own the road! Quit demanding your right to push others down it according to your likes and dislikes! Don't make me speed, either, you * stupid, * 'cuz I KNOW you won't be there to pay my ticket or receive my points."
I'd certainly be interested in hearing some of your own uncharitable thoughts, as long as you don't direct them at me.
Comments
um.....ok? (Backing away, slowly, now....) Just kidding. But really, is this the sort of thing we want to encourage on a Buddhist board? It's a minor annoyance that only happens twice a year. Is it really that big a deal? I just pull over and let people pass.
What concerns me is doctors who are either ignorant (don't keep up with developments in their field), or indifferent to patients' concerns, so they end up causing a lot of unnecessary suffering. I see an alarming number of people who become disabled, just because doctors can't, or won't, help them. Been through some of that myself. I don't know if that happens in the Brit health service, but it happens a lot in the US. The med system doesn't deal with chronic health issues well at all.
In UK this is called tail gating. Stop car, let them pass. Job done.
As for uncharitable thoughts ... mine are not based on any actual stupidity or thoughtlessness ... oh wait they are. Litter bugs. Dropping litter for someone else to pick up. Is it Singapore where they can be fined on the spot?
Selfish and unmindful behaviour irritates me sometimes. Car drivers and mobile phone users are the most common suspects.
"Bless me father for I have sinned...."
Not to worry. The other driver is thinking some unkind things about you at the same time.
Evil thoughts are part of the driving experience.
I don't understand this. Why are people so uptight when they drive? Is it because they're in a hurry, or maybe because of the potential danger involved? Inattentive drivers put everyone at risk? I guess that makes sense.
The same thoughts are at work while standing in a line, I've found.
I stood behind a young woman at the checkout who let the card machine time out twice while she was texting.
Unkind thoughts occurred, I can tell you. Should have chewed her out, but kept my mouth shut.
Driving sure is confusing, so much stuff to know, I don't even know how to drive.
You could read the book...just sayin' (j/k) -
Among all those other things mentioned, there's always the wonderful arrogance that creeps into us when put in situations like driving. When I was just a kid, they had those PS commercials on TV about "Drive Defensively" and I think it worked well enough...but then there's always those a**h*les out there on the street, messing stuff up! *&^%$#$
They probably read your slowing down in front of them as stupid behavior, too, lol. Just pull over and let them pass and be done. Then everyone can carry on at their pace, no harm done and no building of irritable feelings for no good reason. Maybe they were a newer driver that was afraid to pass. Maybe they couldn't see as well as you thought they could to pass safely. Who knows. In any case, if you are making the choice to drive slower than the limit, or slower than the speed of traffic, it is your responsibility to facilitate smooth travel for others who do not share what you are doing.
We all have thoughts like that. For me, the difference is (compared to say 5 years ago) I don't usually let them take hold anymore. When I get irritated with "stupid" people I know it's me, it's not really them or their behavior. Always an opportunity to work on my perception and how I am choosing to see the world and the people and situations around me. I can choose otherwise. I try to do just that. It doesn't always happen, but it's much better than it used to be.
I try to think about why people behave the way they do when they are completely inconsiderate. But then I mostly just feel bad for them for never having had people involved in their life that cared enough to teach them how to respect their world.
I do not hold myself accountable for having a specific thought, no matter how stupid or depraved it might be.
What I do hold myself accountable to, is how I respond to it when it arrives.
This is the same for feelings that arise.
Sitting Meditation relates to group walking meditation, in the same way that sitting in a parked car at a red light relates to actively driving a car with others on the road.
Just as group walking meditation is an active learning form of the more static form of group sitting meditation, driving a car with the public is an active learning form of the more static form of just sitting in a car at a traffic light.
This is where what we think we have learned from a static platform of practice can be challenged when our expectations get added to the mix. Your driving is really just taking that sitting practice and taking it for a practice challenge into the expectations of daily life.
Just as we get caught up by our conditioned reflexes to forget what we are supposed to be doing in sitting meditation, the same thing occurs in the activities of daily life.
Just as we learn how not to become ensnared by our conditioned reflexes to be able to be present in our sitting meditation, the same potential exists in the activities in daily life.
I drive all the time. My trick for dealing with folks who challenge my thwarted driving expectations is to observe the barrier I am creating between myself and others. To see how subjective that wall actually is....and how all of us are actually the source for someone else's thwarted driving expectation.
When one can start seeing that everyone else (F.wits included) are actually just different aspects of our selves, driving with others can be just another walk around the zendo.
I think part of the problem is the assembly line mentality that many practices and hospitals have. The faster you process patients, the more patients you can see, the more money you can make. And of course, if you only see a patient for five minutes, it's easy to miss something critical, or get so rushed you make a mistake.
To get back on topic, yes traffic is a frequent source of annoyance. Drivers who are slower than I am are hopeless woolgatherers, and those who drive faster are reckless idiots. I'm not sure why traffic is such a fruitful cause of irritation. Perhaps because we can feel and express anger and irritation in a completely anonymous manner free of consequences?
I read something insightful, once:
"You're not 'stuck IN' traffic; you ARE traffic. If you want to be on time, leave earlier. If you want to be late, leave on time."
A good friend of mine is a delivery driver. The more he drives, the more relaxed, laid-back and unaffected he is by the antics of other drivers. He is highly amused by their frustration, annoyance and impatience, and finds such tendencies irrational and pointless.
I am more and more taking a leaf out of his book.....
This thread made me more aware of my ridiculous attitudes when I'm out there driving around...I was driving around just a little bit ago, and I was on this narrow street when the car ahead of me wanted to find a place to park to go to the yard sale on the opposite side of the street, and I told him, in my own mind, "park in the lot, you idiot," as if he might per chance hear my kindly advice. \lol/ (there was an unused parking lot right there, and he was meandering slowly along.) Of course, I had to chuckle at myself for that.
We live in a very small town, and our version of traffic compared to most areas is laughable. If I have to wait for 5 cars to make a left turn (without a stoplight) I start to get irritated and instead will take a right turn and go around the block. So city driving is astonishing to me. If I lived in a city, I would take public transport because I could not handle driving. I would lose my mind sitting in the traffic they have even in Minneapolis which isn't much compared to Atlanta, Chicago, LA. A family member lives in LA. She is only a few miles from work and it takes her almost 90 minutes to get there. Cripes, one could walk it in 30 minutes if there were safe paths to walk on near the interstates. No thank you. I don't think I could make it living in a city! I'd be a massive ball of stress. We live 4 miles from the school and it takes 8 minutes to get there. The idea that in another city it could take an hour or more? I just don't understand why anyone would choose to live in such a place, lol.
But, being a rural area, we have plenty of booze cruisers (under age drinkers who drive while drinking and throw the cans/bottles out the window) and drunk drivers. There are almost as many whiskey plates as normal (when you get more than 1 DUI or a severe DUI, you get a special license plate that identifies you to everyone as a risky driver).
It's the cashier's job to keep the line moving. If someone holds up the line due to their inattentiveness and distraction, you can speak up to the cashier.
There are a lot of places here that have signs that say "if you are on your cell phone, we will not serve you until you are done." thank goodness. Funny thing is, the kids on their phones are more respectful than the adults are.
We frequently get held up in lines here, people talking about so-and-so's illness or whatever. But I figure, I'd rather live in a town where people know each other and talk about each other's lives rather than just tripe small talk or no acknowledgement at all. It really is all about the perceptions we choose to have. We don't have to get irritated.
@Nirvana
(Nowadays)
I don't really have 'uncharitable' thoughts as such...Thoughts just come and go...However there are times when I might question a person's behaviour, for example :
I walk every day and on most days it's around the esplanade (taking in the nice scenic views), however it's a narrow (one car) dirt road with passing bays scattered along the route, and on hot dry days dust clouds form when cars travel too fast, which coat the verge/embankment as well has the foot traffic...
At first the thoughts of "Oh how inconsiderate of the 'f'ing' driver!" would arise as they sped passed oblivious to the dust clouds in their wake...
Then reasoning would quickly take its place "Oh perhaps the driver thinks it's better to drive fast past those on foot so that the dust will settle quicker" or "The driver must have lots on their mind and is driving on autopilot where they will automatically avoid knocking over pedestrians, but the conscious mind is pre-occupied with thoughts of past and future so oblivious to the dust clouds and what else is going on around them"
I did write a 'nice' letter to one of the local papers in regards to the dust issue and 'some' drivers where I highlighted the difference between being "mindful" & "mind full" whilst driving...The last paragraph read
"So drivers, when using the Esplanade please be more "mindful" of your speed and the dust it creates. Pedestrians prefer to take in the scenery, not eat your dust. Thank you for your consideration ( and cooperation)"
The store I work in, is the largest 'department store' in our town, but tiny, by comparison to other stores of the same company. Consequently, the clientele is repetitive, and there is a definite 'village atmosphere' nevertheless.
I am more often than not to be found at the check-out, and the majority of our clients are in the middle-age to elderly range. So it is by no means unusual to find myself chatting and passing the time of day with someone who meanders off into a discussion about what-you-will, while those in the queue patiently await their turns.
Never have I ever received a negative comment, from someone approaching me to pay, after an aforementioned elderly person has moved on.
The indulgence and patience of those in line is rewarding and gratifying.
There seems to be a burgeoning compassion and understanding for those who take their time and are slow in the process, due to old age, infirmity or disability. It's a social awareness which warms my heart.
It's as if everyone acknowledges that the elderly have a tale to tell; they might have led fruitful, useful and highly skilled lives, contributing in ways we may never know about, but who now need to contact and a friendly word to maybe stave off the loneliness...
Public conscience is always pricked when one reads about an elderly and isolated person, dying in their home, and not being discovered for days, or even weeks....
How this can possibly happen within the heart of a community shocks all those who hear about it.
I think, since a few incidents made headlines, that the public in general are more cognisant, here, of the importance of social interaction, and friendly concern.
(There again, I HAVE met some elderly people whom one would much rather give a wide berth....
)
I've had so many uncharitable thoughts this past week (especially watching the Western Bulldogs cheat win the AFL on Saturday) I could start my own language
Need to get my backside mattside this week.
_ /\ _
Time to repent you evil minded casuals!!!
Anyway, I can't stop the thought of wanting to smash HBBs
I think that people who don't respect other people's space don't especially deserve deferential treatment in the first place. Speaking of which, I also have some rather uncharitable feelings about most of the people who have declared that they are running for the presidency here in the States.
I thought the topic was uncharitable thoughts, not just annoyances that driving brings on. IMO, there's no excuse for road rage or "road righteousness," as I sometimes call it. Aggressive and threatening behavior by drivers is IMO driving under the influence (DUI) and just as irresponsible and morally repugnant as driving while under the influence of alcohol or a mind-altering drug. Anger suspends our ethical judgment, and when you are handling a weapon weighing a ton or more, you had best be sure you are under the leash of good intentions.
Free of any consequences? I doubt that that's true. Firstly, if we do not examine our actions and motives, surely the samskaras (or in English, the mental/spiritual entanglements) will accrue and reign over all our future actions and thoughts in some consequentially harmful way. Secondly, I doubt that complete anonymity of a motorist's bad habits is a feasible bet. And lastly, as I touched on above, anger and weapons do Not make for a good cocktail.