Superstitious thinking and deceased grandma
inyo
Explorer
Hi all,
I tend to easily believe in superstitions/magic type things such as astrology, psychics, tarot...etc. I feel I need to draw a line though because sometimes it gives me false ideas about my life and future since it's so fluid and maybe I read into it too much. Even though I think superstitions/magic have truth to it, I think it's an area that is very easily distorted and fluid and shouldn't be tampered with too much.
I need to find a balance, because I can't see myself just completely disregarding it (that would be illogical since everything is ultimately a mystery and magical). I think ultimately, it's not the psychic or tarot item that's the problem, it's the feeling that I have no control...it takes me down a path that I feel where my life has no will, I think that's ultimately what bothers me.
I think, at the same time, it can be a tool that may help to heal.
I suppose it brings me back to thinking I need to focus on what I know makes me happy ultimately...like establishing a strong mindfulness in compassion and emptiness where I have no fear because I realize there's nothing to harm. There's so much peace in this state, that no matter the outcome of superstitions everything is okay. I think more important than superstitions, is to just follow the magic of your own personal heart and growth for yourself.
And ultimately, if you're fated to have disappointment later in life, why dissect it now? Whatever I'd be doing then, I should be doing now...focusing on love, letting go, and being grounded.
On that note...I saw a psychic today that mentioned my somewhat recently deceased grandmother needed guidance and was still "hanging around" thinking she had not died. Does anyone have any advice on this? Was it BS? Forget about it? Pray? I should say also, her death was 3 months ago and since I've very often had dreams of her...similar dreams she's sick and survived death and she's unhappy. Anyone had similar experiences? I was with her when she was dying..she didn't know she was dying and I kept saying it's okay to go in peace and that "God is love" (she was Christian)...I tried to "guide her spirit/consciousness" best I could for her to go in peace. Even days/weeks after. I'm the only one in my family that's been flooded with dreams of her.
Comments
Hello inyo, I am so sorry for your loss of beloved one.
I would like to tell you what my teacher said about this kind of matter.
There is The Law in this universe that governs everything.(very strict Law).
From the moment of her/his death, a human follows the courses of reincarnation.
They cannot be involved in the world of the living. (there is only one exception though-very very young ones)
The magic and witch craft sort of things are very dangerous to human.
You can lose yourself.
I tried to make it sound as simple as possible.
I hope this helped.
So, what the psychic said is completely wrong.
This happens in Korea all the time that psychic says dead people are unhappy ect.
Please don't fall for it.
Peace to you.
Thanks KP that definitely helps. Why would psychics say this? I see the "lose yourself" thing as I mentioned above. I know Tibetan Buddhism is sometimes on its own island...but they perform some kind of magical things like guiding through death...I almost feel like she may have needed something like this. At the same time, I'm thinking as you are that I should stay out of the magic and let the rebirth take its course for her. I'm not sure.
@inyo said: "I suppose it brings me back to thinking I need to focus on what I know makes me happy ultimately...like establishing a strong mindfulness in compassion and emptiness where I have no fear because I realize there's nothing to harm. There's so much peace in this state, that no matter the outcome of superstitions everything is okay. I think more important than superstitions, is to just follow the magic of your own personal heart and growth for yourself."
Hi @inyho -- I think you sorta answered your own question(s) here ^ ^ ^
I agree when @KarikoPuppies says "Don't fall for it," regarding the psychic(s) and other iffy stuff. But, I disagree totally with only the very very young can be involved in human lives. I have experiences myself, and my brother, and other members of my family, and those outside my family -- nobody can really know -- it's all within our own individual senses and experiences -- nobody can tell anyone else about that. You seem to have some strong insight, so I guess it's just a matter of not getting into a stew over it.
Condolences to you.
Thank you Silver. I'm mostly having a hard time trusting and letting go to the natural order of things...It's like I need to be reassured for 100% certain that everything is okay and there's absolutely nothing else I can do. I suppose, even if there's people out there claiming there's a magic thing, it would still not be certain and may be risky in itself. Maybe I'll just let it go and stay out. At one point I understood death and the experience didn't bother me...I felt like my grandmas death didn't really rip me from my ground even though she was as close as a mother. Instead, I was happy for her. It was a peaceful death. Ultimately, it's harder to see someone suffering than to see someone dying peacefully...the transition at death can be beautiful, they're starting over and letting go. To see someone in mental anguish and not being able to change it...that person is already dead in a way. Anyway, maybe this whole experience is a reflection of how I'm handling it and maybe I haven't completely accepted the reality of it. It will probably take time. In the meanwhile, I'm trusting and seeing that the ground of everything is perfect and beautiful...so why really worry about her?
Hi inyo. thanks for your kind reply.
There are lot of things I cannot say openly because that might make a lot of people uncomfortable. ( I would like to respect everyone's own choice ). But from the bottom of my heart I would like to say please get away far far away from the psychics and magik, rituals, superstitious things for your own sake, for your family. I did not know this either, I was very interested in these things for a while, which I regret greatly. I do not know much about Tibetan buddhism, so I dare not say anything in specific. In korea, buddhism has gone down to very shamanic & superstitious road and no longer hold the power of the Law. Everything in this world happens within the true Law which include the Law of cause and effect, Law of reincarnation, Law of karma. When you get involved in the realm of superstition, we get to pay a hefty price and we got a lot to lose. Shakyamuni Buddha has left very valuable teachings so we can follow to be happy and avoid unhappiness. I would like to recommend you the chapter 27 of the Lotus Sutra. ( I was told not to get sucked into the exact wording when we read sutras, I would like to add )
This might be not exactly related to your problem but if you look into it closely you might find a direction ( I hope ). Wishing you a path to finding true "you" and a peaceful evening.
(btw I read that peaceful death means that person went to a good place -wether good waiting place or instant rebirth)
-with love.
@inyo said "...It's like I need to be reassured for 100% certain that everything is okay and there's absolutely nothing else I can do."
That's how I've been since my son's death a little over five years ago and am just recently getting over that need to control something that I should already know is totally beyond my control: It's like I wanted to 'find' him some how, and make sure he's really okay. I'm letting go of the need slowly but surely and it's happening with a whole lot of help from reading about Buddhism and the support of this wonderful on-line sangha.
Thanks so much KP, I really appreciate it. Also, I'll check out your suggestion of the Lotus Sutra...and makes sense...in terms of karma, a peaceful moment is followed by a peaceful moment.
Thanks for the reply Silver. It's the ultimate of letting go isn't it? Goodness, well I like to recognized the strength we build by these life experiences. Just last night I cried myself to sleep at the thought of losing my significant other. I cry at anything at night anyway, but I felt so weak and dependent. Everyday if I practice independence and letting go it will get easier. I know ultimately, that if she passed away I would be ok...and some say it's morbid to think of death of loved ones, but for me it makes me a better stronger person. It's my greatest fear that I'll work through whether she's alive or dead.
Yes, inyo, it sure is the ultimate. Thing is, we never know how we will react until something actually happens, and your crying at stuff is a lot how I've always been, so we have that in common.....What's really weird and wonderful about the things I've learned from Buddhism is that when I cry these days, the feelings go deeper because I've examined my feelings and situations on a deeper level. So, it's more meaningful when I do emote and I'm calmer in between.
What you said reminds me of the movie, "What About Bob?"
This is very sad. I am so sorry to hear it. Here are four things that Buddhism has to offer you in this very sad time:
Your grandma has moved on from her time here with us, and you are suffering this great sadness.
This sadness is inside you. Your grandma isn't sad, isn't suffering. I promise. She is no longer here to experience it in that way. It is your own suffering now. unfortunately, it is easy to make the suffering worse. We can do this by not recognizing where the suffering really is (it is completely inside) and by giving money to people who mislead us hoping we will give them more and more money.
You can make the suffering stop. Not the sadness -- it will always be sad -- but the suffering. Only you can do this though, no one can do it for you.
You can move beyond the suffering by looking inside. Slow down, sit still, and allow your mind to take a rest. I think your grandma would have wanted to know that you are thinking good thoughts, saying kind things, treating yourself and people around you nicely. There is a map for this path, called the 8-fold path. This path leads away from the suffering, and I believe it is really the ONLY path that does. The first step on this path is to look within.
May you find peace. Good luck.
Thank you @Steve_B that is very reassuring. Makes sense that I am projecting my own adjustment to the lose. I think our thoughts can be so confusing when finding what's true...especially when governed by a strong emotion.
I think it's interesting that the psychic came up with information that fit with your own sense of the situation, and your experience at your grandma's bedside. It sounds like you found a psychic who's the real deal, unless you told her in advance about the situation.
If your gram is still hanging around and is confused about whether she's dead or alive, you can hire someone to come shoo her to where she's supposed to go. Or you can light candles one evening and give her a shout-out, and tell her she's dead now, and needs to move on. In a loving way, of course. You could suggest that she's missing out on a very beautiful world, where her loved ones are waiting for her. See if that helps.
This doesn't have to be something you over-think or get too caught up in, OP. It's just sort of like a little housecleaning that needs to be done when someone is caught in the transition from our world to the next.
P.S. I don't believe that life after life is "superstition".
Have you heard about how cats, for example, will suddenly react in a hostile manner to invisible energy in the room? They'll arch their back, fur standing on end, and hiss and spit? Cats and other animals know nothing of "superstition". So what are they reacting to?
It would be easy to say cats are crazy, but I know I'm not the only one who observes them looking at something moving up the wall, and humans look and there's nothing there, so what is that, also? I don't think it's any sort of proof about spirits, but it is one possibility.
Richard Dawkins went to see a Medium, who proceeded to tell him how his father was watching over him, but was troubled by various aspects of Richard Dawkins' life, and how he should perhaps do this, that or the other... During the session, Dawkins pressed her on the identity of this passed-over spirit, and she reassured him it was indeed, his father.... the spirit advised her most emphatically, it was his father....she went to great lengths to pass on a long-winded and benevolent communication from this spirit - at the end of which, Richard Dawkins thanked her, and told her he would discuss it with his father when he saw him later that day for dinner....
His father, you see, was still very much alive. A fact he rather deviously, but understandably withheld from her until the session had finished.
I tend to take these things with a rather large dose of salt....
^^^ Richard Dawkins is my sort of psychic. He knows exactly the twaddle psychics will expound ...
if you can find a monk, just offer some food and cloth and ask him to pass the merits of offering to your grandma
if it is not possible find someone who need food and cloth and just offer some food and cloth to that person and you can mentally transfer the merits that you earned from the offering to your grandma
food can be a packet of biscuit and cloth can be a handkerchief
once you offer something to someone it gives you some kind of happiness
that happiness itself merits, which you can transfer to your deceased grandma
it is a win-win situation